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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 4/26/2015 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all,
Admittedly, I missed my zoloft for 4 days. Not intentionally, but it just got busy and my pill bottle was empty. I finally remembered to refill my prescription today because I started having those lovely depersonalization feelings, as well as feeling like I had the flu, and not to mention I wore high heels to work yesterday and im pretty sure all 10 toes are broken.

So, I knew I was able to get to my medication until after work, and then my mom surprised me with dinner reservations at my favorite restaurant. I knew in my heart I was feeling so horrible but I was needing some time with my mom so I figured I could put off taking my pill till we got home.

Fast forward to dinner, we get placed at a tiny table in the MIDDLE of the huge restaurant. I already knew where this was going so I became that annoying person that asked to switch tables to one that wasn't dead center, surrounded by people. So they switched us to a table that was a little off center but still smack dab next to loud tables with screaming babies and adults. This is why I usually request a table by the wall or a booth to avoid things like this.
So as we're sitting at the table, as suspected, symtpoms flood back- cold sweats, nausea, dizziness, flushed chest, shaky-- all from not taking my pill and then mixed with sitting somewhere I didn't feel comfortable.
Long story long I made my mom get our food to go because I started crying and shaking and couldn't get comfortable. Now she's not talking to me

I just feel like such a failure.
Posted 4/26/2015 3:41 AM (GMT 0)
Mama your not a failure by a long shot, it's just this darn condition, get back on your meds and hammer
this out, also forgive your Mother, only a person who has had PAD can understand, remember you are
going to get past all this crap, Just be happy! Peace

Larry ***
Posted 4/26/2015 5:40 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Blu so sorry this happened and sending you a hug! I know what how you feel because I always feel like a failure after a panic attack but Larry is right- it's not a failure! I also know what u mean about sitting in the middle- middle of a resteraunt, theatre, etc. - I just can't do it yet without starting to panic! I always have to be on the edge.

Also sorry about your moms reaction. But you did nothing wrong and keep your head up high because... If people only knew how much courage it takes to still go do things knowing a panic attack could happen... You are actually very brave and strong, even when you don't feel like you are.
Posted 4/26/2015 10:12 PM (GMT 0)
Larry,
Thanks. Your words are always so comforting.

LittleWing,
Sometimes I wish she could realize that in those moments where it's physically consuming me, there's not a lot I can do & I can't help it. I kept telling her how sorry I was and how I wanted to just be normal. She stayed silent.
Posted 4/26/2015 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
Sophie,

If you like, I can help remind you to get your medicine filled. Many pharmacies have auto refill services. As you know, you can't just decide to stop those. A doctor has to ween you off of them.

Your mother will get over it. I'm a little disappointed in her.
Posted 4/26/2015 10:46 PM (GMT 0)
John, I would love that. Unfortunately my pharmacy is so mom n'pop that they're old school and leave it up to their customers to remember which I can appreciate, but at the same time, for busy& forgetful people like myself an auto fill would be incredibly helpful.

I'm disappointed in her too. And hurt by it.
Posted 4/26/2015 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
Sophie,

No problem. Just let me know.

Eh, parents are human, too. Superhuman, no. It's a painful realization.
Posted 4/27/2015 2:21 AM (GMT 0)
It's tough for others that do not go through this to understand. My wife, parents, and close friends don't get it. They think I can just stop it. So I do understand how you feel.

Sorry you had to go through this episode.
Posted 4/27/2015 3:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Blu's,

Sorry I missed this post until now...

I hope that you were able to get your script filled today?

I too am sorry about last night's experience.

Your mom will likely feel bad about her reaction once she has had a chance to process things.

Hoping you are back on track to feeling well again really soon...we are cheering you on!

S.C.
Posted 4/27/2015 4:22 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, luckily I got it filled last night and am now two doses in! Feeling so much better today. My mom acted distant & weird towards me all day. I invited her to breakfast, to go buy flowers, and then on a hike with me all to which she said "no." Makes me feel like im too much to hang out with. I know that's probably dramatic and over exaggerated but I feel embarassed about last night.
Thanks for all your support!!!! <3
Posted 4/27/2015 4:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hopefully given some time, she'll come around.:(

Funny...if you'd suddenly come down with the flu, and had to go vom or something...it would be a totally different reaction I bet.

...why the difference right? An illness is an illness no matter the place of origin...body or mind.

Sad that so few understand...

S.C.
Posted 4/28/2015 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
Mama, my wifes story is awful long but i want you to know about the restaurant part, at first it was the
car, i could not take her anywhere, she would actually try to climb out the window, if it happened once it
happened a hundred times, slowly it moved into the past and we tried to go out to eat, this again was almost more than i could bear, sometimes we would walk in and sit down and she would run outside, other times we would order and i would think there was hope, i always knew when she slid her chair back it was over, and sometimes our food would arrive and she would depart. She really tried and we kept not giving up, over time she got to where we could order and eat a meal, she did not like it or the feelings but she could do it. This took years, but it got better and then new med's came on the market and she improved quickly, "Suddenly we were eating at Cracker Barrell and having fun", Mama this problem will pass and you will be filled with love of life and great joy, When it comes enjoy it, Peace
Larry ***
Posted 4/28/2015 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
i too am sorry. many healing thoughts. keep strong.
Posted 4/29/2015 9:33 AM (GMT 0)
So sorry you had to go through this! Cold turkey stopping of Zoloft is really tough! I would say you were amazingly brave to make it that many days. If I miss my antidepressant (which I take at 7 am), I can feel sick by evening that day!

I think your choice to take dinner to go was very wise, and I'm glad you did it. Your mother will get over it - those who haven't been through it don't understand and probably never will. I'm sorry she has not been kind.

Try to mark down refills on a calendar or something to avoid missing refills!! I hope you are feeling better now! Also, take it from the rest of us. You are NOT a failure, and we have probably all been through this at one time or another. I know I have!
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