Horrified....

Just had a massive panic attack while driving. Pulled over by the fire station and sat and tried to breathe. That's when I noticed my son sitting in his seat, copying the breathing I was doing....

I do NOT want him to watch me do this!!!!

We drove home and when we pulled in the garage, he said "mommy hold me; something scared me."

I am what scared him!

How do those of you with kids handle a panic attack in front of them? I'm hating myself right now, more than I can possibly explain.

Hey Park! I too am just so sorry to hear this! That would be heart breaking to have happen. Kids are super resilient so don't fret too much. When I am in the midst of an anxiety attack, and my kids are present and they notice something is "off," and ask, "what's the matter Mama?!" I usually either say

A) Ope, Mama just felt silly inside for a minute! But I am ok! (And then proceed to smile and tickle them and direct them to a new toy or something to keep there attention while I take the time to calm down.

Or

B) if it's a really strong attack, I will usually tell them that I am hurt (which isn't exactly lying, because it is emotional pain!) and then assure them that I will be ok in just a minute!

Hope that helps!

Thanks for the advice you guys.

I had a really bad night and woke up feeling pretty bad about it today.

I get this sense that my anxiety is creeping back up and I'm not sure if it's temporary or if things are getting bad for me again.

My heart also aches because of what my son saw, did and said yesterday. I feel like a failure, even if that may not be the case. I just feel like I couldn't protect him.

Thank you all for your feedback.

I plan to always be open with my son about it, as I already see him having little bits of social anxiety. I just have trouble explaining to a two year old. :-(

Park,

Just wanted to lend my support. I have a two year old too and totally understand your situation.

I do not think you are regressing. I totally think your heightened anxiety is temporary. You are strong! Keep believing in yourself! This will pass.

Park, I get so guilty sometimes, because I feel that my anxiety prevents me from doing so many things with my girls. I also fear they will be just like me, and there is a real possibility of that happening, but you know what? Our children will have parents who really understand them and who will be able to teach them coping mechanisms, they will have many more resources than we ever had to fight anxiety.

My 9 year old daughter (who is just like me, poor thing! sensitive and anxious) told me the other night: Mom, you can not be afraid of change, change means opportunity. I loved that! she is already smarter than I am.

I hope you are feeling better now!

Park, rev up your motor because you are going to run right over these problems, Peace

Larry ***

Thanks, Larry, I hope you're right.

Thank you, HT. That means a lot. And that's a different way to look at it and I hope that my son does grow up to be more sensitive and compassionate with others. That's an alternative view that I hadn't considered. Thank you for saying that.

Park don't be hard on yourself.
But the advise above is I think the best advise
Talk to your baby tell him like they said mommy just needed a minute. Because if you don't .....
My children have watched their dad freak out enough and him pull there is nothing wrong with me its ..( put in a situation ) fault.
Now they get anxiety about the same situations he does.
Because they think that since he was upset by it , it is something that should be upset about. When it isn't. Had they known that this isn't exactly the way everyone experiences driving, cooking, sleeping, etc. they are fearful of normal things that he is fearful of. Even I react now after 19 years in a similar manner. It rubs off if it isn't spoke about in the open to make it normal. I. E this is normal for mommy. Then the little tykes won't think about it. They will just move on. So talk to them laugh about it but don't NOT talk about it. Please.
Because you have to be an awesome mum because you Mary Lu Retton'd your way to a baby ( and hubby ) who didn't fall down a flight of stairs. Lara croft is jealous. Girl.

Post Edited (Pain$herlock) : 5/7/2015 7:06:24 PM (GMT-6)

Hey Park!

Sorry I didn't log back in sooner! I wanted to check back in and say hey! After thinking on the situation for a bit, what stands out so brightly to me is your love for your son. If you peel back the layers of all the guilt, the worry, and the shame you feel, your motivation seems to be the deep love you have for your kid! You are an awesome Mama! SOOO many kudos to you for that! What an encouragement that can be to so many around you! :)


It is so easy to be disappointed in ourselves when we fall short of our own hopes and expectations. We hope to be the best Mom's, wives, daughters, and on and on.. And we really do try. My encouragement to you is to keep that as your goal. Your son will grow up and see a Mom who loves and cares for him and that is what will be ultimate for him!

I also agree that being open and honest with our kids is important, but only at the right age. I am very open with my older son (age 15) but am still only starting to allow my younger soon (age 4) to understand the complex emotions! It sounds like you and your therapist are on the right track to making it toddler-aged wording!

Sending encouragement your way!! Best wishes!