HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

my grandma died... depressed

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 5/11/2015 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All,

Last Tuesday my dearest grandmother passed away after a year battling cancer.. I was expecting this... but still I took it sooo hard. I was very close to her, very very close.. it is like losing a mother..
I feel down, depressed and I dont know if its the depression resurfacing again.. or grief.
Im scared :(
Posted 5/11/2015 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
Allow yourself to grieve, but know that this is part of life, and don't let yourself fall too deep. Remember that your grandmother wouldn't want you to hurt over her. Just focus on the positive memories. The times you were together, and take comfort in that.
Posted 5/11/2015 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
SR,

I am so sorry for your loss.:( Losing a loved one is so very hard...and it is clear that you loved your dear grandmother very much.

I am sending thoughts of comfort and healing to you in your time of grief.

Keep reaching out to us and your family and friends at this time.

We understand how grief can trigger A/D, so post with us anytime you need some reassurance and encouragement.

Healing/grief is a process, and we will be here to walk beside you when you need us.

With compassion,

S.C.
Posted 5/11/2015 5:50 PM (GMT 0)
sav,

Been there. Lived that. While difficult, try to celebrate her life and not mourn her death. Keep a support system close, because as a little time passes, life goes on and that support system dwindles. Keep busy. Share stories about her and maybe ask some of her friends to share with you.

Cuck fancer.
Posted 5/11/2015 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your kind words..

I feel like since I suffer from depression, and had just recently felt like I got out from one, with the passing of my grandma now I feel like Im falling into another depression. And it is scaring me so much. I feel like I cannot deal with any situations or problems that come my way... I feel that I am too weak for this earth. I just had a full blown anxiety attack and went to the bathroom and vomited and cried. My friend just told me she is no longer with her boyfriend and this caused me to have an anxiety attack, because when I am depressed, I do not feel like I love my boyfriend and obsess over this.. and her not being with her bf anymore spiked my anxiety over him.. Please HELP :(
Posted 5/11/2015 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry for your loss, Please know we are here for you. Please post anything you need too at any time to reach out and we will be here for you.
Posted 5/11/2015 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
sav,

I feel when I'm coming out of a funk or something good happens, something worse around the corner is about to mug me.

Like graduating high school in 1999 should be a happy time. My grandmother whom was my second mother passed three days before. I get it.
Posted 5/11/2015 6:39 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys...
How did you get through it 1039smooth? Are you currently suffering from depression?
Posted 5/11/2015 9:20 PM (GMT 0)
sav,

Time doesn't really heal. For years, I couldn't talk about her without tearing up. My dad passed away from cancer in 2013. I have occasional breakdowns of sobbing. I've suffered from depression since probably 1996.
Posted 5/11/2015 10:30 PM (GMT 0)
I have been sufferig from depression since 2011. Was 21.. Is it constant though? Or does it come and go? Do meds really help in the end.. I feel loke im at my highest dose of cipralex.. And the passing of my grandma hasnt helpee one bit. I miss her so much yet i do not know if what im feeling is grief or returning of depression
Posted 5/11/2015 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
Condolences. (( hug )) hang in there. I'm sorry I lost my grandma 1999 still hurts. She was like a second mother. Sorry to hear it.
Posted 5/12/2015 2:46 AM (GMT 0)
SR,

Do you have a therapist you work with? It can be hard to determine between what could be simple and natural grief...

...and what could be the return of a depressive episode.

Please call either your therapist, P-doc or GP...whoever you work with for your mental health/Rx's.

You may need to up your therapy sessions for now, or talk about a med evalutation for the time being.

More hugs,


S.C.

Posted 5/12/2015 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
cry Dear Sav,

I'm so sorry for your loss and the depression you are feeling!! Personally, it seems it would be abnormal not to feel some depression after losing someone you loved so much. All of the deaths I have experienced have changed me, and made my anxiety and depression peak for a time.

The important thing, I think, is not to isolate yourself and fall into that deep hole. Spend time outside if you can, with friends and family. I'm sorry you are having trouble in your relationship with your bf - maybe you can take a little time apart, just explain you are having a difficult time right now.

Praying for comfort for you and the ability to remember all the wonderful times you had with your grandma!

Cindy
Posted 5/12/2015 7:06 AM (GMT 0)
Scaredy Cat,

I used to go to a psychologist and I have just sent him a text to make an appointment for next weekend. I also made an appointment with my GP.. he said that at the moment I should uptake Xanax and so now will be taking 1mg a day. I think it's too much... I am so scared. Just when things started looking up for me, in a day everything went bad, to worse.
Posted 5/12/2015 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sav:
I am very sorry for the loss of your dear grandmother.I understand how you feel, I lost my mom to cáncer 9 months ago, my dad to a heart attack 3 years ago and my brother to suicide 5 years ago. Each loss has taken a tremendous toll on my anxiety and depression. But you need to not be afraid of those feelings, it is completely normal for you to feel this way right now. You need to face them and allow yourself to grieve. Try not to worry about what each symptom means or if the depression is coming back, take one day at a time and remind yourself that even if you had never had depression or anxiety, you would be feeling like this, and this too will pass.

A big hug for you!
Posted 5/12/2015 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
SR,

I am really glad that you contacted your health care professionals! Great job!

I think going to your psych appointment is going to help you to feel better about things very much...

Be open and honest about your fears/concerns, and allow him to reassure you about your process of grief, and worries about the depression returning.

As far as upping your Rx...

...try and trust your doctor...but ultimately, this is your decision.

Perhaps trying the 1 mg. once to see how you feel...and then ascertain what it right for you.:)

We are here for you...keep posting.

S.C.
Posted 5/12/2015 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
SavRuby, You have loved deeply and you will hurt the same and it's normal. Don't be afraid to cry your
eyes out this is how we react. Yes it will pass for the most part but a twing will always remain, just start
remembering all the good times not those last days filled with pain.
My Grandparrents raised me i couldnt emajine life without them or a world that they were not in, i went into the Army just days after HS graduation. I lost both of them in one year i was just stuned, it was several years later that i was able to visit their grave site, i thought my pain was over, i started out Praying and then crying, i don't know how long i was there but i had layed down across both of them and cryed until i just was done, it was like they spoke to my heart, it was go on, and honor us with the way you live your life, we will wait for you in Paradice! Peace
Larry ***
Posted 5/13/2015 6:38 AM (GMT 0)
I am so glad I have you guys.. Really and truly!
It's like I have a second family to lean on in here..
It's very hard losing a loved one.. and I am really sorry for all your losses :( Although my grandpa died when I was 11 and I took it hard, I was still young and it felt different. Today I'm almost 25 and I have lost her to cancer. she was in sooo much pain.. And all I can think of is the pain she was suffering and how afraid she was of dying. :( I miss her but now after the funeral, I can't seem to grieve her, I can't cry..
Just this morning I was wearing her necklace and I just took it off, felt uncomfortable and anxious wearing it. I brought in a new kitten, and I am annoyed by it, by friends and by my bf.. I am not sure what is going on, or if this is another way of grieving.
My anxiety is sky high.. and the rocd (fear or not loving my bf) is as well..

I am always checking my feelings, expressions... literally everything.
SC, I took 1 mg yesterday and managed to sleep at night, thank God. I just wish I could do without xanax though... But it's so hard.. 2015 hasn't been good to me at all.. Losing my grandma has really took a toll on me... All those months, from learning that she has cancer which was a shock and was the reason of my relapse into depression. to now her passing away... it's just too much. and I blame myself, yes I do. Because I am weak.. and instead of taking care of mum (my grandma died on her birthday!!) I am being selfish and worrying and obsessing about what I feel instead.

And I am angry at God and the world... because just when I was starting to love the world again, this had to happen.. I don't think I am equipped for kids, for marriage or for big changes.. as I am too darn WEAK. I can be strong for others, but when it comes to myself... weak weak weak
Sorry for the babbling I just needed to get this out of my chest..
Posted 5/13/2015 9:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Savruby

I am sorry to hear of your grandmas passing.

It sounds like you are going through all the emotions associated with grief so speaking to a counsellor could help support you through this tough period.

Keep us posted we are here for you.

Hibee
Posted 5/13/2015 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
sav,

I am short on time right now, but hope to have some answers to your questions this evening. My apologies.
Posted 5/13/2015 6:37 PM (GMT 0)
SR,

Your grief is still very raw and new. Try for now to stay in the moment, and not let negative or doubtful thoughts about the future worry you.

Continue to reach out, talk with your therapist, and use your tools...meds and coping skills...to get you through this difficult phase.

It will not always be this hard.

Grief at this level is does not last forever, and you will get back on the road to recovery again soon.

With you during this time,

S.C.
Posted 5/13/2015 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
I lost my grandma about two months ago, and I was in shock/ numb to it a lot at first. But like SC said, grief like this does not last forever. Day by day, it gets better. Even if it's just a little bit.

Hugs.
Posted 5/14/2015 8:17 AM (GMT 0)
1039smooth - That is okay, you can reply back when you can :)
SC- Today I feel somewhat better. I have booked an appointment with the psychologist for next Sunday. I took 1mg just that day, yesterday slept with the same amount as I was taking before and managed to sleep okay, although I woke up with anxiety.. Thank you SC, for your advice, I think I need to speak with my psychologist because there's something that's wrong with how I am grieving my grandma... Maybe he will give me more clear answers.

Blu's- Im so sorry for your loss. So you were numb as well? Did this affect you with your relationship with others though ? I am sure it does get better... I'm really hoping for that.
Posted 5/14/2015 8:41 AM (GMT 0)
many healing thoughts i send. my deepest of condolences.
Posted 5/15/2015 7:54 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your condolences Happy Turtle. Appreciate
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply