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thinking of attempting a longer drive today but terrified

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Posted 5/16/2015 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
In the last month or so I've gone to the doctor's by myself twice - a huge step for me, even though they are right here in town. I've also done some other driving around town, taking my daughter to school, etc. I always text my therapist so he knows to pick up the phone if I panic while out.

I get really dizzy/panic attacks while driving, and when I am out places alone. i have been fighting this and doing exposure/practice driving for over a year. sometimes i feel i haven't made much progress, although I am much better at just driving around town most days.

now my car really needs an oil change and a wash. the closest place is the next town over, about 15 miles. last time i drove to that town, on Mother's Day, my mom was following in the car behind me. I still had a panic attack while driving.

but it is hard for her to get around, I can't ask her to come all the way over to my town to do this errand.

my husband is here but i am really working on trying to do things without him, as he puts me down a lot and mocks me when he has to do things with or for me (that's another story but i know the way he treats me is not healthy and I need to get my independence back and be able to function on my own).

but just thinking of attempting this i am starting to feel the anxiety build. my therapist will be available by phone, but he is not in my town and would have to call my husband to come get me if I panic or need help.

I have a slight headache which i just took advil for, but feeling very anxious and dizzy. not sure if I should attempt this or not. I want to, but also don't want to have an attack and be stranded on the side of the road, feeling like I am going to die, shaking, crying. this has happened many times.

when will this get easier??? when can I do normal errands without it being a major ordeal??!!! So sick of this!
and feel so lonely too. really wish i had an anxiety "buddy"where I live that we could help each other do things like this.
Posted 5/16/2015 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
I feel your pain. I have social anxiety so all those little human interactions throughout the day cause me to have panic attacks. Sounds like you're being very brave despite your fears. You're not alone. I'm hoping this improves too.....:)
Posted 5/16/2015 3:18 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for the support, Normal. sorry you have this too. does anything help for you?
Posted 5/16/2015 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
well, got about 3 miles out of town and had to turn around. i hate this. absolutely hate it.
Posted 5/16/2015 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
LW,

You made the attempt...and that is more than some are able or willing to try!

You took a step in the right direction...this morning was just not the time for it to be...

...but another try will be successful! I know you can and will meet your goals, and you make progress with every attempt!

Try to keep your focus on the positive and what you DID accomplish today, and be thinking and looking forward to the next try...

Even small steps begin the big journey...you will get there.:)

S.C.
Posted 5/16/2015 6:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks SC! Hard not to get discouraged but I know I will try again. Just wish it wasn't always such a struggle.
Posted 5/16/2015 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey I have been there literally there was a time when I didn't feel comfy upstairs in my house , it was horrible ,
Now I came as far as going 30 min away to our boat by my self with my kids both 6 and under .
I would love to exchange phone numbers and you can call me and we can encourage each other and I can help you with some of the techniques that helped me .
I promise when I say Ive been there and still have moments but not at all as bad as before .
It was hell on earth and I want to help you because I know how it feels , my hubby was not supportive and mocked me too , I had my mom she helped me mainly with tough love but it helped .
I still have her on my speed dial , if I panic I call her and she talks to me or if it's really bad she meets me .
let me know if you want to exchange contacts :)
Posted 5/16/2015 7:38 PM (GMT 0)
LW,

I'm so sorry. I've been there as well and I know how scary it can be. It's great that you keep trying and you're working on exposures.

Do you take any meds? For me, I required a Benzo to actually break this cycle and calm me down before I could leave the house. Not saying that's for you, but it helped me immensely.
Posted 5/16/2015 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
Littlewing,

I know exactly how you feel. I get anxious when my husband is not home or I don't have anyone to distract me.....my mind starts wandering I start thinking terrible thoughts and then panic attack.
Its a step by step process...but good for you, at least you are trying. BTW I know exactly how you feel about the anxiety buddy thing I wish I had one too. Btw where do you live?
Posted 5/16/2015 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
I can so relate to your postl Especially the part about your husband. That just puts all the more pressure on us to do things. Not helpful at all. I know your struggle. I stare out my window and see all the cars go by and think when will I ever be able to go about my day without trouble. I am constantly "bargaining" with myself to get out of the house. If I just do this or do that....whatever.

I have found it helpful when there is an errand I simply HAVE TO DO that I tell myself I can always pull over and get myself together. Let the panic pass. Accept it, rather than fight it and let it work it's way out. This has helped me many times. Not the ideal....the ideal would be not to have any panic, but at least it is progress for me-big time! I have come a long way from where i was say...5 years ago. With lots of therapy and medications I have learned to be able to get back to work and do simple chores that I could never do before. Going back to work was my first huge step I took, then more progress came along.

Many times I have had to turn my car around and abort mission. But at least I made the attempt and then after doing this repeatedly I finally got all the way to the store or the Dr. or to therapy on my own.

There is hope for this horrible disorder. It can and will get better. Just by posting you are helping yourself. You are reaching out and have the desire for better. It will come. As I'm typing this I too am putting off going to the gym because of panic-not just anxiey-more than that. My family just doesn't get it even though I have lived this way for years. They are like...."Just go!" and don't understand all that is going on in my head.I've tried to explain it to all of them but they just can't comprehend this.

Good for you and your new outings you've made. I know what tremendous progress that is. Keep it up. I know it is so tiering and consumes so much but we have to fight through this. But also be kind to yourself . You did not do anything nor ask for this. It just is. Be it a chemical imbalance or whatever....nobody wants this and it is an awful thing to live with. If you heard of somebody close to you that had these such feelings would you not feel compassionate towards them? Show yourself the same compassion.

Keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing-I totally get you on this.
I wish you peace.
Linda
Posted 5/16/2015 9:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Rn, Park, Luv, and Linda for your all your understanding and support, it means more than I can say, and to know I am not the only one that knows what this feels like. And thank for sharing your experiences too. sometimes this just feels so lonely, and like it will never get better.

Rn, I am so touched by your offer I started to tear up. I would love to exchange phone numbers, sounds like we have a lot in common. at my worst I was also terrified to be home alone, go up and down the stairs, shower, etc. too. I am much better now and feel fine at home, but it's still so hard when going out. How do we do exchange numbers without posting it on the forum? Or email? Not sure how this works but please let me know!

Luv, I'm in the Northeast US, how about you?

I don't take any meds, although I've considered it many times. To be honest they make me nervous too! And I worry that I would have worse symptoms when trying to go off of them again, like so many people describe. My therapist has recommended xanax for the same reason Park, to break the cycle, but it makes me so nervous. and what if it makes me too sedated to drive?

thank you again all of you, I was feeling so low you really made my day today.
Posted 5/16/2015 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
Littlewing, I'm proud of you for trying to get out today, you did awesome and soon you'll be driving all over, I just know it. One step at a time!!

To exchange phone numbers with RN, put your email in your profile then she can click on your name and get your email. Don't post it on the forums itself otherwise anyone not a member can get as anyone and everyone can read the forums, but you have to be a member to look at others profiles.
Posted 5/17/2015 2:57 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with the above posts. Try to focus on what you did accomplish. Are you taking anything? I just started back on Lexapro and after 3 weeks I'm doing much better. I also take Xanax as needed. I'm going to a girls brunch party (about 50 women) this morning......will take a Xanax prior. You are being very courageous. If you weren't you wouldn't be trying! :)
Posted 5/17/2015 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey , I added my email to my account , email me then we can exchange numbers . Talk to you soon !!
Posted 5/18/2015 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hoping you're feeling better today LittleWing75! :)
Posted 5/19/2015 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks RN! Will email you...

Thanks WantToBeNormal! Feeling better but haven't really ventured out again yet.
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