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Posted 5/20/2015 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
I'm suffering so much. I'm in pain! I posted a few days ago that I am ok. Well I guess I am not!!

My heart is shattered, broken in pieces, it hurts so bad!

I feel restless, anxious, can't eat, can't sleep..it's horrible.

I really need to talk about this privately with someone but I have no one to talk to.

Is anyone in chat right now?  :(((

My heart is aching...so much. I don't know how to heal from this.

I guess it means I loved him after all....never thought losing him would be this painful. I only know now how much he meant to me. I took him for granted. And I regret it! I HATE MYSELF!!!

 

Posted 5/20/2015 6:32 PM (GMT 0)
Oh no!! Mel...

I am so sorry sweetie...my heart is so sad to hear you are in such pain.:(

My e-mail is open to you...

I know how this feels, and it is awful. Going through it is just so hard when you feel you might just fly apart...

...but you WILL get through it. I know it doesn't seem possible now...and that is okay, but I am here to tell you that you will with time.

Here for you,

S.C.
Posted 5/20/2015 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mel,

I can't do chat now but just wanted to reach out and send some hugs and support your way. Sounds like you are going through a really rough time and I'm so sorry. As SC said you WILL get through this, even if right now you feel like you won't.
Posted 5/20/2015 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
My email is open if you'd like someone to talk with, just click on my name and go to my profile and it's listed there. I'm sorry you are struggling now, we do care and are here for you.
Posted 5/21/2015 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you girls. I don't know. Sometimes, things change unexpectedly. Love may end unexpectedly. Friends may leave us unexpectedly. Sadly, last time I met this person, I felt so much distance and he appeared like a stranger to me. I don't know how to explain it. I guess people change, and we all change as well and we can no longer communicated like we used to. These things happen. Life is unpredictable in many ways. We can never foresee what the future has waiting for us.
Posted 5/21/2015 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you are struggling, Mel. I really hope you can continue to heal from this.
Posted 5/21/2015 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you. I had a lot of respect for this person. He was my inspiration. He changed my life in a sense. That is why it hurts even more.
Posted 5/22/2015 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
It would have been easier if I had never met this person.
It was one of those once in a lifetime things..you meet someone they move you like never before, they take control over your mind, and you feel helpless, and weak. You are constantly on an emotional roller coaster. Everything they do affects you. It's amazing how one person can leave such a huge footprint in your heart in such a short period of time.

I believe everything happens for a reason. And that reason I will find out in the future.
Posted 5/22/2015 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Mel,

I think you bring up a really good point when you say you'll find out later why this all came to be.

I think you are on the cusp of some really good growth and self discoveries...

...most heartaches precipitate this...

...I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much!!!

Hugs,

S.C.
Posted 5/23/2015 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
Mel, all I can offer you is a Prayer, sending it now, Peace

Larry ***
Posted 5/23/2015 7:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks SC and Larry.

I cannot believe I went to see a fortune teller. I was desperate for sure. But she didn't charge much and spent an hour listening to me and offering advice so it was more like speaking to a counselor. She helped a lot. That's what matters.

As for my experience....I have never had anyone affect me so much...it's been overwhelming. He didn't do anything to hurt me. I'm hurting because he was so extremely special to me and I regret that I took him for granted.

I just want to tell everyone that don't ever take anything in your life for granted and don't ever think everything you have now will stay with you forever.

Posted 5/24/2015 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
My heart is with you :(
I'm so sorry that you are hurting.
You will get through this.
Posted 5/24/2015 1:46 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Blue's Mama.

What would I do without all of you.
I'm trying hard to stay as strong as possible...but I have been crying a lot. I use the bus and subway everyday and always...always I have tears falling from my eyes. It's ridiculous. I feel embarrassed. I'm so emotional right now. Well I've been emotional for so many months. I've never cried so much in my life. I think I won't have any tears left.

The bags under my eyes are horrible...
Posted 5/24/2015 2:48 PM (GMT 0)
{{{{HUGS}}}} I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly, it's okay to cry. It cleans the soul as I've always been told. I know what it is like to cry in public too, when my husband passed away 11 years ago, I cried 24/7 I couldn't go and do anything with out crying, it got pretty bad so I ended up just staying away from people, it is now 11 years later and I still cry when I think about him but it isn't so bad where I'm crying in public. It will get better, I promise.
Posted 5/24/2015 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
AngelLisa,

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. My heart goes out to you.

I really hope it is cleansing my soul as the more I cry the more I suffer.
My heart feels so heavy and it continues to hurt.

I know I will be ok....it just may take a while.

Thank you for your support.
Posted 5/24/2015 7:23 PM (GMT 0)
Lisa,

It doesn't seem like it now, but time will help. Surround yourself with other loved ones to help occupy your mind.
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