I couldn't go through with my plan of tapering the Lexapro. I took half my regular dose and half an hour later took the other half. I did not feel like subjecting myself to all that at this moment. I felt dissapointed in myself at first, but decided not to think about
it too much.
But today was really tough for me. I have been feeling fine lately, strong, hopeful...and these are things that I haven't felt in a while. I sent a message to my therapist asking for a consult, because I felt that I needed to do something fast, that I needed to take this opportunity and do something meaningful, something that would make these feelings stay longer.
But today I had a setback, and those feelings dissapear. And that hurts a lot.
I went to my old job today, I still work there, as a professor, but my administrative position I lost in december. I usually go, teach my class and leave, but since I am on vacation from my other job I went to spend the whole day there working on something.
I never leave home without eating breakfast, but I was late waking up so I had to rush there on an empty stomack. By 11 AM I was famished, ordered a sandwich that I ended up eating at noon almost. I ate the whole thing in a minute and felt fine, but after a while I started feeling bad. Couldn't really focus my eyes, my hands were clamy and I was so hot. I went to the nurse's office and took my BP. It was low90/80 . That was enough to make my hopeful, happy feelings dissapear. All I have done since then has been googling symptoms, feeling anxious, sad, angry. I came home after a few hours and haven't been able to feel better. I have been contemplating the idea of running to the ER, which I haven't done in a while. I am now feeling just as I did earlier when my bp was low, so now Im thinking it's low again.
I was SO happy, I knew I still had a long way to go to be completely ok,but at least Ifelt that it was possible. Now it's all gone.