Posted 7/15/2015 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all,
Was perusing these forums and I really liked what everyone had to say, and certainly could relate a lot to what I read. So I thought I'd join. This is my first post on a forum for anything, ever.
I suffer from depression and anxiety, both which have been particularly bad the past few months. I just went back on Citalopram (10 mg) after being off of it for a little under a year. It's been two weeks today and the side effects are particularly bad this time around. I'm fatigued, spaced out, headachey, and the dry mouth is pretty gross. I'm on day four of barely any sleep which has me super loopy. Woke up with horrible anxiety at 6. Luckily I got my xanax (.5) refilled today and that's helping a great deal. I find xanax to be a slippery slope because 1. it's addictive and 2. it can make me feel depressed the next day. When I feel good I'm a pretty social type of chick and I love to drink wine. I haven't lately at all because it's been making me feel horrible the next day.
My depression is genetic. My mom and grandmother (who sadly committed suicide at 40), and my brother. I've been blessed with a very close, HILARIOUS tight knit family who I am very open with. We are all insane in our own ways and we all take ownership of it. I thank God for them. We are dysfunctional but I have no childhood trauma, no PTSD. No struggles. Ultimately up to a certain point I actually lived a rather charmed life and had a very privileged childhood. Later on in life my family has ultimately lost their money (that's another story) which has been an enormous stress and source of pain, but we are getting through it. I guess.
This relapse however has been circumstantial. Apparently I was a dog kicker in a past life because in the past year my job, relationship, house, finances and creativity all imploded. And I turned 40. All within months. So I'm sitting here, broke, no job in sight (though getting close), not ready to date and wondering exactly *** I've done with my life. The irony? I'm a comic. And I assure you, I don't feel like laughing too much lately! Anyways the circumstances threw me into quite a funk. Kind of where I kept saying "What else could go wrong?" and then my car breaks down and is in the shop for FOUR months. Stuff like that. Expecting to get struck by lightning at this point.
Anyways that's kind of me in a nutshell. I'm on the mend I suppose. The anxiety and insomnia are not exactly a park picnic and the mornings are a nightmare for me these days. I feel like every day I am constantly monitoring how I feel, like every minute of the day. At night time it often lifts. But the mornings.....ouch.
So thanks for listening. I really am excited to read your posts and get some insight.
Oh and my name is simply because for a fleeting moment of optimism I had the theme to "The Jeffersons" stuck in my head. And I always thought it was cute how George called his wife Weezy. I do not have asthma.
Cheers,
WJ