PANIC ATTACKS AND LACK OF SLEEP

My Mom is having colon surgery a week from tomorrow and there are sooo many questions that won't have answers until after the surgery. I am very very worried and very very scared. I have been having panic attacks (which I never used to have until this past week) and have not been sleeping at all. I am sooo beyond anxious it is scary. I now know Mom's worst fears "could change my life forever" or "colostomy bag" or renal shutdown with the one kidney maybe having a blockage and she only has one kidney. I do not know what to do any longer to calm my pounding heart (especially at night). Feels like my heart is pounding out of my chest. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Continued prayers that this colon mass is benign would be greatly appreciated too.

Sorry this is so long. You all are the only ones I have to turn to.
Yes, going thru this with an elderly parent is very scary and I feel panicky and just want it all to go away but reality wise I know that will not happen. We have to face this as a family. My parents have been married 55 years and I know Dad is there for Mom when we aren't there.
We will not know if this is benign or malignant until the surgery a week from now. More waiting sucks. I a praying for benign.
I wasn't this petrified until Mom made the comment today that "this could change my life forever". That started the panick attacks. I am trying to use my coping skills and have Xanax, Wellbutrin and Hydroxyzine that I take daily. Don't seem to be helping a whole lot. I just don't know where to turn or who to talk to about my fears. I cannot afford to see a therapist or counselor.
I am a planner and organizer and tried to go thru stuff this afternoon with Mom to get things ready for while she is in the hospital and when she comes home. She was a step ahead of me and has already made meals that Dad can just heat up for them. Doing organizational stuff and preparedness helps me feel like I am doing something productive to help her.
I cannot let on to my Mom my fears of her possibly having cancer for the 4th time and cannot fathom or deal with the thought of losing her or Dad. I am single and no kids and live alone. I am the only one of my siblings that does not have a spouse to turn to which is very hard. I come home to an empty apartment and just cry to no one.

Yes, we are here...come talk about anything, anytime with us Ocean...we will be here to surround you with support.

Hugs, and courage and peace...

S.C.