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Posted 8/20/2015 12:32 PM (GMT 0)
It's me again. I am just so anxious and looking for answers. Do any of you suffer from rocd? Like I notice when I am not in a relationship, I still have anxiety but I am self confident and independent for the most part and also generally happy. I do obsess about future and meeting someone etc. It seems once I meet someone I like and right now I have met someone who is wonderful.. but then I get feelings of something isn't rihht snd I need to run. I question whether I even like them or got attached etc. I am in therapy and on meds but I don't know what to believe is true anymore and mess up another relationship with potential. Also the second I get involved with someone the insecurities come out and I feel like I'm obsessed with the other person and can't function normally. I definitely need to work on my issues of self worth and I know that. But I don't want to run away from my fears at the same time. Who else experiences this?
Posted 8/20/2015 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your honesty. From personal experience, I've seen how working on issues with a therapist is like soccer practice and then trying to apply what I've learned in an actual relationship is like the World Cup!

I try to be patient with myself and allow myself the space to get messy and to be scared and imperfect. open communication with supportive friends, an experienced counselor, and (most importantly) my partner makes all the difference.

I used to feel like running away in relationships and would hold it inside, afraid to tell anyone or hurt my partner's feelings. The anxiety would build and build until I couldn't contain it anymore. Eventually I broke down and ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could, leaving my partner confused and even more hurt.

Now I've learned to say (to myself and to my partner), "Hey! I'm scared! I feel like running away!" Just that offers a huge feeling of relief, especially when my partner says, "I understand, relationships are scary for me too, but we're still here. Want to stick it out another day? What can we do to make this more comfortable?" We also know that if the relationship ever reaches the point where it needs to end for real reasons, then we can cross that bridge when we get to it.

I commend you for all the hard work you are doing. Awareness is the first step. I'm curious: You said that when you are single you feel self-confident and independent for the most part. What does that look like?
Posted 8/20/2015 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
I definitely have ran from past relationships although now I know those weren't rught for me. This one is new although so far I have no reason to run aside from my fear and anxiety. I also just started on prozac a week ago which has not been pleasant so far. Constant anxiety panic and depression. I know It takes a few weeks but often feels hard to function. My psychologist who I have been seeing a month does not feel I should run from this relationship bc she thinks it will be easier to work on my issues while I'm gojng thru them rather than being single i also suffer from atrachment and had severy separation anxiety as a kid from my mother. When I am single I feel happier bc I don't have the stress and anxiety I get in a relationship. I am able to do a great job at work, have fun with my friends, keep a nice apartment, be there for others and although I do obsess about wanting to find someone to share my life with, I feel pretty confident and that I can handle a lot on my own . I sometimes still struggle with being alone and want to go to my parents house for comfort but I have tried breaking away from that as much. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself still but it just seems when I get into a relationship I start to self doubt myself and my fears make me wanna run and something isn't right... even when the person gives me no reason to feel I need to run.
Posted 8/20/2015 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, medication changes can be hard enough on their own. It sounds like you know that.

You sound like a very capable person! (There is no shame in turning to our parents for comfort when we need it either.) You bring those same skills and talents with you when you enter a relationship.

It sounds like you are confident that past relationships ended for a reason. Who knows what will happen with the next, but learning to understand our anxiety can help us to recognize the difference between when we want to leave a relationship because it's truly wrong for us and when we're just running from the discomfort of our anxiety.

Sounds like you're taking some great steps! Let us know how it goes 😊
Posted 8/20/2015 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
Yes. I struggle with uncertainty but yes although I had anxiety and felt depressed I did know the past relationships weren't right. With this new one I don't know if it is. It is too early to tell. All I jnow is this guy is great so far and has given me no reason to leave.
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