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Having a hard time. Please help

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Posted 9/7/2015 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
I was switched from prozac to zoloft and I have had a better reaction so far. I have issues beyond that tho that are making me feel destroyed. I've been reading a book about attachment styles and I learned I have an anxious attachment style as opposed to avoidant or secure. I have dated many guys who were not right for me. I tend to follow the same patterns in relationships.. I start to get interested in someone, put them on a pedestal and become obsessed, imagine a future etc before even letting things go further. Then all of the anxiety starts and I occasionally feel so excited about the potential. This is all normal of an anxious attachment style. Then after awhile I don't even know if I like the person and I want to dun. I have read it is important for someone with my attachment style to find someone with a secure attachment style. Right now I have been dating someone a little over a month who was a friend first. He seems to have a secure attachment style and is balanced which I'm not used to. We have so much in common and he seems to have so much of what I want. The same pattern happened with him. I became obsessed and then want to run. I now wonder if I just got attached and it isn't real. This bothers me tremendously because he is so beyond amazing through everything and knows somewhat about my issues. I would hate to lose someone I feel is so compatible with me. Whenever I see him I have intense anxiety and need to take a pill to calm me. None of the anxiety started with him until I saw that something might happen with us. And since I have anxious attachment yes I depend on him to make me happy at times and feel secure. I know I need to work on that with myself. I am on meds and in therapy and also bought a book about having compassion for yourself because all I seem to do is beat myself up. Whether or not he is right for me I don't know and it's too early to tell. He has been amazing and so understanding. I just don't want the fact that I'm anxious and depressed and attached to mean that it can't be real. I want something real and to move on. Has anyone ever experienced this ? I am also so fearful of being alone right now and have been staying with my parents bc I have had the hardest days ever. Please help if you have any advice.
Posted 9/7/2015 1:46 AM (GMT 0)
hope,

I typically tire of people quickly, but I think I just haven't found the right one. Frankly, I am of your personality type. Is there something wrong with you? My opinion is no. You just have to find the right person. In my experience, I feel I am best-suited for someone I have been friends with first. It just seems easier. I'm smitten with someone on here because she already knows my demons and still cares for me anyway. The fear of revealing 'this' or 'revealing' that disappears. Best wishes.
Posted 9/7/2015 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
Oh I understand. The guy I'm with tho knows about my anxiety and issues and is still 100% supportive and just wants me to feel better. I couldn't ask for anyone better. My anxiety is just out of control.
Posted 9/7/2015 3:29 AM (GMT 0)
TTHH,

You have just begun to recognize your challenges in terms of attachment issues and relationships...

...and barely started on working towards your goals.

Therefore try to have patience with yourself and the process...you will get there.

...and there could be hope for this relationship since you are both willing to work hard to be healthy individuals coming together to form a healthy bond.:)

Best wishes with your goals! Keep up the good work.:)

S.C.
Posted 9/7/2015 9:01 AM (GMT 0)
Hi.

First of all it sounds like you have a good understanding of what is going on for you which is a good thing as it means you can work with your therapist towards your goal. Attachment issues can be quite complex so I am pleased you are seeing a therapist and i'm sure they will help you work things out. These things can take time so keep taking small steps every day and you will reach your goal.

It sounds like you have a very understanding boyfriend who wants to support you so that is great I hope things work out for you.

Keep us posted.

Hibee
Posted 9/7/2015 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
I am trying so hard to be patient with myself but I feel so beyond abnormal for someone my age. I can't even go home to my own apartment bc I am struggling so much and need constant anxiety pills to calm me. I am depressed and it feels like it can't get better. The guy I am seeing is definitely understanding but it is so unfair to him. I hate starting a relationship on a negative note all about my anxiety. I can't even see him at points because it causes me so much anxiety bc I don't know how I feel and am unhealthily attached. I keep saying to myself.. look at this guy.. what is your problem? I want it to work and it frustrates me to no end bc I had no anxiety about him before I started liking him. I remember once I started liking him I thiught "wow I'm in a great place right now" and was excited to see where things were going to go. The second they started to go somewhere there went the anxiety starting up little by little and then was crippling and added to depression. I hate living like this.
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