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I'm awake and I don't care what color the moon is!!

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Posted 9/28/2015 9:27 AM (GMT 0)
My anxiety is off the charts right now! It is no great surprise, since it's apparently some stupid, fancy moon.

I'm anxious to be left alone, anxious to take my son to school later this morning....I'm afraid I will have a major panic attack today.

I miss my meds. I am so sure when I say that I like life better when I'm on them. I hate living with this buzz in my body and this feeling like something could go wrong at any minute. I hate health anxiety and the fear that I'm going to have some sort of fatal 'thing' happen when I'm all by myself....I begged my husband last night to stay home today, but he said he just can't and now I've been up on and off all night and every time I wake up I feel overwhelmed by the feelings of anxiety.

Life is moving so slow right now and every day feels like a challenge....
Posted 9/28/2015 12:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Park

Sorry to hear your anxiety is bad today don't feel alone as we are all here to help support you.

I hate having health anxiety to I think it one of the toughest to live with but you can beat it use all your coping skills to help reduce your anxiety and try and keep yourself busy to keep your mind of things.

I know things are tough right now but you can get through this and we are here to support you so keep us posted on your progress.

Hibee
Posted 9/28/2015 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi P.,

A buzz in the body is a perfect way to describe general anxiety. It is really hard when you feel you can't escape it...it's kind of hard to get away from your own body afterall! ;/

Use your coping skills to help get as much relief as possible...

Everything is going to be alright today...you are safe and well, and nothing bad is going to happen...but know that you can keep checking in with us as much as you need to....we are here for you.

S.C.

Posted 9/28/2015 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Hibee and S.C.

I'm hanging in as the day goes on. My body is so confused right now because one minute I'm ready to jump out of my skin and the next I'm hit with such exhaustion that I can barely hold my head up.

I picked my son up from preschool, made him lunch, set him up with a movie and am counting the minutes until his nap!

Hopefully I'll feel a little better after a rest. He usually wakes up at about 3pm and my husband should be home no later than 5:30.

I am so anti-full moon! It seriously makes me bonkers every month! I'm positive it's the moon and has nothing to do with the hormones surging through my body and my usual anxiety and panic...😜
Posted 9/28/2015 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
I apologize, but I had to laugh at your post title. I didn't give a flip about that moon either. Hubs and our youngest son kept running in and out giving me updates. I felt like telling them both to just leave me alone.

I had the buzz/vibration thing yesterday, all night with nightmares UGH! Today, I keep trying to do things to keep my mind busy. My body isn't quite ready for the kind of cleaning I've been doing, plus I have a fall allergy related cold.

I am hoping you can make it until nap time, and get a little rest in. I'm going to try to lay down as well, but sleep isn't coming easily to me lately either.
Posted 9/28/2015 11:11 PM (GMT 0)
Park,
I know the anxiety is awful, but I couldn't help but giggle at not only the title of your post, but your first sentence "some stupid, fancy moon." I was so annoyed with everyone in my life yesterday waiting with bated breath for this alleged once in a lifetime super moon. I only saw a sliver of it and while it was interesting, my dinner plate was far more intriguing. I'm starting to be more and more anti-moon as the months go by because it makes me crazy! My new favorite thing is to check my reflexes to make sure I don't have ALS at 23. So, I understand the irritating feeling of this health anxiety. I'm sick of it, too. I'm angry at it, too. But like SC said, you are safe and well. You will get through this. You will conquer. You're a fighter. You got this.
Posted 9/29/2015 7:00 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks, everyone.

I'm just gonna keep going with the motions and trying to tame my mind when it comes to health anxiety.

Mama, you are so normal. I definitely went through a phase where I worried I had ALS. Sometimes being ourselves is so exhausting!
Posted 9/29/2015 2:01 PM (GMT 0)
Ugh, got NO sleep last night and of course I'm completely anxious today!! I literally feel like my heart is vibrating!

I hate this! I need a break so badly!
Posted 9/29/2015 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
P.,

Lack of sleep really can increase anxious feelings! I am sorry you had a bad night.:(

Try to catch up with a nap today if you can!!

Something is going on...my hubs and I had a horrible time sleeping night before last....

...but last night I made up for it with a really nice deep sleep all the way through the night!

Hopefully tonight is better for you as well.:)

S.C.
Posted 9/29/2015 4:30 PM (GMT 0)
SC and Park- from an astrologist I follow...take it for what it's worth. ;)
"Many of you are reporting that you can't sleep or are getting up at odd hours and cannot get back to sleep. This eclipse energy is affecting your sleep patterns too."

Park- I know things have been super tough for you. One moment at a time and you will reach your goal. I know it seems far off now, but you will be there before you know it! Know that your feelings today are totally lack of sleep. That is exactly how I felt Fri when I only got 3 hours of sleep before my exam. Super uncomfortable feeling, but it won't hurt you!! You know where to find me if you need me. :)
Posted 9/29/2015 5:28 PM (GMT 0)
MG- you know I totally believe in the moon! It's being so mean to me today!!

SC- hopefully tonight makes up for it! I know it'll completely change my mood!

My mom came over and played with my son for a couple hours so I could shower and go pick up lunch so that was nice and now it's almost nap time!

Tomorrow I have a sitter and my husband has a half day because he's coming with me to take our dog to the oncologist.....don't get me started on this.
Posted 9/29/2015 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
I wish your outing tomorrow was for a happy reason. My husband takes me to several appointments, and I tell him it's good to get out of the house with him, but I wish it wasn't for medical care. :(

I'm hoping to sleep some this afternoon. Less distractions in my home today, so maybe.

Hope you have a better night tonight.
Posted 9/30/2015 10:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Park

I hope you got some good rest last night? I know how disruptive not getting enough sleep can be.

i wish you a good day today.

Hibee
Posted 9/30/2015 5:13 PM (GMT 0)
How are you feeling today?
Posted 9/30/2015 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, everyone.

I got some sleep last night, so that's was good. Today however is weird.

My hands being shaky, racing heart and short of breath. I ate some food because I was thinking it was low blood sugar, but the food didn't help much.

I'm crying kind of randomly and I'm sure it's just hormones. My neurologist told me that of I've made it this far into the pregnancy, then I should know confidently, that my anxiety is not going to get any worse. Apparently where I'm at is the hardest point in pregnancy as far as hormones go, so he said if I'm handling this, I can handle anything else that comes my way.

I'm hoping he's right. I'm just waiting a couple more weeks until this 1st trimester is over and praying that things balance out for me.

I know I sound like a mess, because I post when I'm feeling my worst, but overall I think I'm handling things pretty ok.
Posted 9/30/2015 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
I don't understand why my stupid HR won't slow down. I can't seem to relax and it keeps hanging around 100, which for some is not high, but for me is really bothersome.

It's times like this where I get upset. I wish I could take a Xanax and calm down!
Posted 9/30/2015 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry. Do you have time to do some deep breathing exercises? It might help.
Posted 9/30/2015 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
I just tried and for some reason they are just not helping.
Posted 9/30/2015 8:26 PM (GMT 0)
P.,

That is great news about what your doctor said in terms of getting through the most challenging part! Sorry that is being put to the test currently...

...but still hang on to that hopeful statement!!

Have you tried a biofeedback app for slowing down your HR?

S.C.
Posted 9/30/2015 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
I haven't tried that S.C. Do you have any suggestions on a really good one?

My heart rate is still high in the 90's. I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable and pretty worn out.

Just got back from my dogs oncology appointment and he had his first round of chemo. I swore I would never do this to an animal, but he has so much life in him and without this chemo, there's a chance that he would have to be put down in the next few weeks to couple months. I'm just beat.
Posted 9/30/2015 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
Oh no...I am sorry to hear about your dog! Having a sick family member is tough...I am sure this is causing your anxiety/HR increase.:(

As far as apps...My Calm Beat is one you can check out through i tunes....(*disclaimer* this tracks your HR, so could be a potential trigger or OCD maker! )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vj9KNhECjeI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tmxz2Qn9e0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w87hD6X4HMQ


S.C.

Posted 9/30/2015 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Park, you took the words right out of my mouth: "I'm hanging in as the day goes on. My body is so confused right now because one minute I'm ready to jump out of my skin and the next I'm hit with such exhaustion that I can barely hold my head up." This is exactly how I feel too. It sounds like the feeling is contagious among all of us today. There is nothing more depressing than wanting to feel like your normal self, but are so far away from it you feel like you'll never find it again. Hugs to everyone and tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.
Posted 10/1/2015 12:19 PM (GMT 0)
MSP,

Sorry you're having a rough time too. I guess we just have to hang on for the good days. This week has been unusually tough for me and I don't know why.

Slept last night for the most part with the exception for a 45 minute wake up around 3. Woke up this morning and already feel sort of anxious. I have things to do today and I'm not terribly excited about them. One in particular has be driving kind of far away and since I've been extremely anxious this week, I'm not excited in any way.
Posted 10/1/2015 12:55 PM (GMT 0)
I hope your drive today is uneventful, and that you can maybe get in a nap later.
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