New Here & Scared - Just started Lexapro

Ok so .. ill intro myself.

Name is Dave ... 40 Year old male. 6 ft tall, 170ish lbs (will detail things little more below)
Im a typical Type A - With me and i have been like this since i was a child .. my mind is always going, non stop. Good things, Scenarios, What If's etc. I overanalyze and overthink everything, not on an OCD level, but my thoughts are just like a tree ... One thought is the main trunk that leads out to millions of small branches. Or like a spider web. It drives me crazy, but i got used to it in my life.

I started about a year back having major anxiety and panic attacks, not sleeping etc. Doctor wanted me to go on lexapro .. i refused. taking this kind of stuff scares me.

I did a lot of alternative research ... Started taking Inositol (the studies are flipping amazing on this - and its natural ... basically a B vitamin in high doses) .. anyways it did seem to work a little, but i wasn't taking it like i should have and gave up. Anyways to the point why im here.

Kept having anxiety, panic attacks .. ER Visits, Stress Tests, Halter Monitors etc. Thought i could manage it with CBT, Mindfulness, Meditation, Natural Remedies etc ... Nope. Had a few more panic attacks, went seen my doctor .. he yelled at me for not starting lexapro a long time ago. So ...

I just started taking Lexapro 10mg 2 days ago. And im scared. Like really scared now.

Day 1 - Take 10 am no food. at about 11 i can start feeling something. Start yawning .. start getting brain fog a little ... but i do notice one thing .. my mind isn't racing like it usually does. I got tired and pretty much got lethargic, didn't feel hungry, and very tired. Few hours later i had extreme anxiety. Ended up having to take Ativan to calm me down. Doctor prescribed 0.5mg. Took a nap. Around 7ish pm i felt good, no anxiety, actually started smiling, no racing thoughts ... weird .. i actually started feeling better and liked it. on the first day?

Didnt really sleep well ... but i woke up feeling refreshed .. no anxiety. even with 4-5 hours of sleep.

Day 2 - Take in in morning 9:30 with breakfast. around 11 start feeling the same thing .. little head fog, tired ... little more anxious again. Go to a clients .. come home. feel ok .. just a little foggy. I sit down on the couch around 2PM ... Then the most horrible DARK CLOUD takes me over ... sucks me in ... im borderline suicidal ? .. i don't think i would have actually done anything to myself of someone else ... i try deep breathing, mindfulness, CBT stuff .. diffusion , meditation, mantras etc .. nothing will work. Im scared scared scared .. i start shaking and basically having a panic attack at the same time this dark cloud is just swallowing me.

i felt as if i was on a cliff late a night, nobody around me ... but hearing someone tell me ... its ok, come on down .. (No i'm not hearing voices or hallucinating lol ... this is just the image i'm trying to portrait) ..

So i try to accept this and not fight it (acceptance therapy) .. for about 30 minutes .. i take a ativan ... (ativan takes about an hour for it to kick in on me when i swallow it, never have tried under the tongue yet). So im in essence dealing with these dark thoughts for about 1.5 hours before the ativan starts to take the edge off. I go to sleep for 45ish minutes. from about 330 till about 415. I wake up still feeling depressed ..

My Psy appointment is at 6 .. i can make it ...

I get there and talk to him .. he uplifts me as usual .. makes me laugh, smile feel good about myself and reassures me ill be ok and i'm to strong for this BS ... That this is MY LIFE and i control my life ...

I get home about 715 .. still feeling a little down .. due to my emotional energy for the day is just shot .. im spent ...

My Regular Doctor called me back (as i called him immediately when i felt like this) ...
He told me to hang in there .. to NOT stop taking it .. but to try taking it at night, my psy also suggested the same thing and scheduled me in again to see him on thursday.

Basically for the first 8ish hours after i have taken lex .. i feel horrible .. diarrhea, stomach upset, more anxious, panicky, etc ... but around the 10 - 11 hour mark .. it all calms down and i actually feel good.

Has anyone else gone thru this when starting ? Will these feelings actually go away? I want to give this a shot .. i really do ... but i'm super scared

I have never felt like that before, that depressed, dark ... Yes i have been to funerals, lost close friends .. been really really sad, broken up with girlfriends etc ... But none of that EVER compared to how i felt today .. it scared me ... i shook for hours of the thought of how i felt afterwards.

Now i have a stupid thing stuck in my head that if i take it tomorrow ill get super depressed too ... psychosomatic

Sorry for the long post .. i truly appreciate you reading and thanks in advance for your comments

Hi Dave, welcome to the forum! You'll find a lot of helpful and supportive people here. :)

I'm sorry you've been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks but I'm glad you finally decided to give Lexapro a try. Many doctors don't explain the side effects when they give you a medication, so it comes as a surprise and can be really scary when you start feeling unpleasant side effects as soon as you start taking your prescription. SSRIs typically have a "start-up" period when your body is getting used to the drug, and you can get some harsh side effects. These are temporary and will go away within two weeks.

I know how awful you feel because I have been there. It was really hard to get through it but I'm glad I stuck it out. My panic attacks have stopped and I don't get much anxiety/racing thoughts/bad thoughts anymore.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. You can post as often and be as long-winded as you want. We are here to support you and get you through the rough times.

Take care,

-Cat

Hola!

I started Lexapro back in June. My doctor started me at 5mg and then upped it to 10mgs end of July. I went through exactly what you are going through; dark clouds, periods of feeling great, anxious, jittery. I can tell you I am so much better then I was in June. My mind still wanders and I overanalyze and overthink most things, but I'm not as anxious, if that makes sense. And I still have good days and bad days. Lexapro isn't a cure all for me, it's more to make my GAD more manageable which it has. When I have really off days, I will take a Xanax to calm my mind down. I've gotten through this once before years ago with Paxil, so I know I can get through it again. It just won't happen over night. It's been 4 months since I've been on Lexapro and I've improved. So just like everyone else has said, stay on it. It will get better, but everyone is different and it happens at different times for people. Stay strong! Most people that start Lexapro go through what you are experiencing so you are not alone!!

Hi toj and everyone else,
This is what I don't understand is why doctors including psychiatrists do not tell you the anxiety and such that can happen when you go on antidepressants. I have had 2 psychiatrists say 'well you shouldn't feel that way'. Thankfully my family Dr. Who focuses on mental health, confirmed that yes you can have these horrible negative effects when starting or increasing. Also, it is this forum that helps me so much just knowing that people have gone through similar things. It will get better.
Cq

I psyched myself out.

Today was supposed to be day 3 .. to be taken at night because it does make me tired. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

That dark dreadful terror that came over me freaked me out.

I have done meditation (studied ram dass), been to China a few times and studied there. Mindfulness .. mantras etc.

This feeling scared me soooo bad .. I could not do anything but focus on that feeling .. nothing I did or have learned could pull my focus away. It really wasn't even a thought that grabbed me .. It was the feeling. I got borderline suicidal .. thou I wouldn't have done it ... the thought of me even going there ... terrified me.

So, it's still night time .. I'm laying in bed debating on taking it. Took a benadryl to calm me as I don't want to take an ativan. Benadryl actually does help my anxiety and to sleep.

I'm just really worried about this cloud coming, or having to fight it.

I would almost rather deal with daily anxiety and panic attacks that I have .. then deal with these dreaded dark thoughts for xxx amount of time waiting .. hoping they go away.

I'm a single father of 2 great kids, they need me. I don't think I would do anything stupid to myself ... but is it really worth the trial?

I'm truly scared

I actually did call my pdoc and my psyc about the dark feelings.

My pdoc said to stick with it and if I thought of it to go to the er or call emergency.

My psy also said stick with it, it will pass once I get to a therapeutic dose.

I just can't cope with that feeling. I completely understand the feeling of dread from panic attacks. I just don't think either of my docs understand how dark it got for me.

I decided not to take it tonight .. it's been approx 38ish hours since my 2nd dose. I did feel a little groggy all day today.

Will I actually have withdraw from 2 days of taking it?

I see my psy tomorrow .. I'll chat with him.

Thanks all!

Hi

Starting medication can be a rough ride for the first couple of weeks and it seems to be the norm for things to get worse before they get better and they can increase thoughts of self harm which as SC mentioned it is important that you speak to your doctor about that.

Lexapro is a good medication imo but there are loads of other options so discuss these at your appointment and continue to practice your Mindfulness as that is very effective but you need to persist with it.

Hibee