Think I officially lost it :(

My name is Emelly, im 18 and ive been struggling with anxiety for about a year now. Since my mom passed away a month ago my anxiety went through the roof! I literally wasnt able to even swallow liquids because my throat would tense up. I have developed a really bad choking phobia which has debilitated my life for the past 5 months. Especially in the last month ive lost about 15 pounds and about 25 in total. My hair is falling off in clumps. I cant even keep a job or go ro school anymore because i have zero energy.
I haven't stopped crying in 3 days because im so tired of having to force myself to get nutrition from whatever i can swallow. I put all my food in the blender and i try to take vitamins as often. My mom was my only source of comfort. I live with my dad but he yells at me and makes me feel bad for being this way. I just feel like ive lost all hope honestly, i can never picture myself eating a hamburger ever again in my life let alone a piece of brocoli. Im at the most miserable point in my life and i just hate all the suicidal thoughts rn. I know i wouldnt do anything because im too much of a coward but its just really darn hard.
Had to vent, sorry have no one to talk to and im like crying suffocating in the agony.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. I lost mine in 2014 and it's been incredibly hard since. I was also a sufferer of panic attacks that included choking/dry heaving which made me have little to no appetite. That something that's finally gotten better after I went to my Dr and started therapy. As Steve suggested, please see a doctor as soon as you can to discuss how you are feeling. I'm sorry your dad doesn't help the situation. People who never experienced a mental health issue of their own don't get what it's like. Just know we're always here to listen and/or help in any way we can!

sounds like it will help you . try instant breakfast drinks . easy to swallow and good source of calories