Road to recovery - 2nd week and going on

So hey, I've just registered, but have been and assiduous reader since I've started my meds on Dec. 9th, and finally took my chance at sharing my history here.

I'm from Brazil, 24yo female. My first shot at depression was in 2012, following the death of my ex bf. Stayed at home for 3 months straight, pretty bad, planned how I would end my own life, and stuff. Then recovered by myself, with help from friends.

Then 2015 was total crap, major issues with my dad (has never been supportive anyway, but it came to a point where he hit me in the face bc of his gf - that's younger than me, I must say), moved back to my mom's, financial life hit the bottom, can't find a job. The only thing I got right this year was finding a new bf that I love, and that gives me some peace I never had before.

But on late October things went bad, he's having his own problems and we started to see each other less. My dad is now sick bc of excessive drinking (he's got cirrhosis), and hes now lying to everyone and blaming it on me. Don't have much of family support here, my mom doesn't know how to help anymore. I was crying everyday since October, having huge anxiety and panic attacks, and on december 9 went to a Pdoc for the first time.

Since then I'm on Escitalopram oxalate (Lexapro)15mg in the morning and Quetiapine (Seroquel) 25mg at night. The first 2 weeks have been hell, my anxiety went through the roof and my depression for harder to beat. But then on day 14 I was doing good, feeling hopeful again. Yesterday (yes,on Xmas eve) I had a major crisis again, crying and screaming, self harming thoughts that resulted in self harm (I know it's not the way to go, but was the one where I would hurt myself less).

During the period on meds I've experienced all sort of side effects, my doctor said it would happen anyway. I'm now sitting on the porch after smoking 2 cigarettes and hoping that things will get better. I know I should give the meds like 6 weeks to go, so here I am.

Wish you all the best, and that your way to recovery goes as smoothly as it can.

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 12/25/2015 6:21:05 PM (GMT-7)

Hello and welcome!

I am sorry to hear about your difficult current situation and the triggers that are challenging you.:( We understand how you are feeling, and are glad you have reached out here for support.

Start ups on medication can be rough...

...however, self harm is not something that should just be accepted as a side effect. I urge you to call your doctor or seek emergency treatment if the self harming thoughts come upon you again. This can be an overwhelming and compulsive feeling that must not be ignored...for your safety!

If you are feeling stablized, then I do urge you to check out our Resources at the top of the main forum page here for great self help coping skills. They are really effective is practice regularly.

I also recommend you considering therapy as part of your treatment plan. This is a great long term help that you will no doubt benefit from.

Keep posting here with us as well! We are here to listen and encourage you anytime.

Be safe and well,

Scaredy Cat

Hi N.,

I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are facing now. It is heart breaking to hear such news about your dad...of course this is going to trigger your anxiety.

Interpersonal conflict is a huge anxiety increasing factor for me as well...so I understand your challenges with your bf.

These things are surely working against your recovery efforts...so it could be that your medication is doing it best. ..but is being thwarted by your situational stressors. Meds can only do so much after all...

So it is great that you are looking to get into therapy. Get your name on those lists, and hopefully something will open up soon.

As far as your self harming thoughts/actions...

...is this something you have had previous to starting your Rx? If not, and you suspect it could be a result of your new med...please consult your doctor again for a review of your medication plan. It could be you need to revision....

...and if you find yourself in crisis...you must seek professional b help immediately please.

Keep talking with us as well! Burdens are made lighter when shared. We understand, care and are here to listen anytime.

Talk soon

S.C.

Great job on the journal keeping! Very smart move...and yes, this will be helpful for your therapist/Pdoc, and a valuable tool for your recovery!

I am sorry to hear of your lack of support in your family/social circle...

...but that is where we can help!

Many of us find the understanding and encouragement we need here...among people who 'get it'...so keep posting.

You are doing a great job of reaching out and getting the help you need, so feel good about that!

Adding in some coping skills from our Resources will help...so take some time and have a look there. (top of the main forum page.)

Talk soon,

S.C.

Just to update:

My boyfriend dumped me yesterday. So I had a very hard day, lots of crying, most of my day spent in bed. Again, no support at home.

And today I went to see the pdoc. It wasn't my pdoc bc she's still on vacation, so I had to go through some of my past stories shared with her. I couldn't feel as much confident with this one, but I just had to go.

And he upped my Lexapro dose (now I'll take 22.5 mg) and switched me from Seroquel to Trazadone 50 mg at bedtime, hoping that it will give me better and more consistent nights. Also, for when I'm in crisis, or for when I feel badly suicidal, he prescribed me 0.25 mg Clonazepam (the fast acting tablet).

I should return in a month, and I hope I see some improvement till then, otherwise he said it would be enough to switch my AD.

Hi Nathykw,

Sorry to read about your troubles.

If I can offer some advice, the only way is up from here:) I have been where you are before and you will get better, it's just a process to get you there.

In the short term, trust your doctors. Take the meds they give you and give them a chance. As for the smoking, I smoked like a chimney when I was really bad, my doc said do whatever you need to to get through the initial bad period. So don't sweat the small things and realise so many have been through this like you and have gotten better through many techniques.

We're all here for you, so if you don't get the support at home, come on here and vent, there are so many fab people on here to help.