Really Scared

Nights haven't been easy for me lately when I think about how someone intentionally gave me this disease, and I was too stupid and blind to realize the set up a very huge mistake I wish I can take back I just want to be heal and a miracle happen I'm a good person I don't desvere this. I don't know where my life I going all I know is I don't want to lose the battle, y'all please pray for me I'm having a horrible time this is so hard 😫😫😫😫😭😭😭

Please be kind to yourself! You were not stupid and blind...you were tricked and it could happen to anyone. I believe in miracles, so don't lose hope for your miracle. While you are at it, I hope you will do everything you can to fight for and take care of yourself.

We will fight for you!! I am praying, and I know prayer works. I arrived at a hospital dead, and they brought me back. Please use the resources here to help get yourself through the really tough times. You won't lose the battle!! It's sad that bad things happen to good people, but it happens every day. Look back at all you have been through. You are a fighter and a survivor!

My best to you...keep letting us know how you are doing!

Thanks everyone for you kind and thoughtful words. I must have been out of it a bit when I wrote this on the forum, because I totally forgot about this post but I so really appreciate you all are my family better than some of my blood family. Yes SC I have sought out help with one on one counseling, and group therapy and a Outpatient program 3xs a week for 3wks that will teach me how to cope better with anxiety and depression. The other group will be with women like me who have this evil diseases, I also made the choice to start zoloft again for now praying that it helps. I know there is a lot of toxic medicine to keep people with this disease alive and as they say manage it as a chronic illness like diabetes, I would rather hear something else when especially diabetes snd its many side effects took my sister this year a month before I was diagnosed. Over 36 toxic drugs and no dang cure, yes the medication works but it is very toxic(and thats what scares me) in spite of some minor issues my immune system is still in good shape and I don't want anything to make it worse. I hate there is no cure so many years and no cure a huge frustration, then the scum that knew his status and intentionally infected me I should have locked up but if I was to see him I would probably spit on him like the evil dirt he is. I should've listened to my gut when I believed God warned me when I think of it, to run because he wasn't clean after discovering that the test said I was HIV+ I immediately knew who it was and my spirit whispered to me remember when I stopped you. And told you and you told him to put on protection but you let him manipulate/control you and lie to you, I just wish I could rewind sorry but I hate myself right now for being stupid I shouldn't have allowed this scum in my life this trash who is in my term satan. And evil I am completely grieving and ashamed, and yes SC I also found another Group online but I wish the HIV forum was still on here healingwell is family. And there is not other site better than healingwell, and I truly thank you all because you all have been my saving grace of inspiration I never thought I would be in this place with HIV. And even though doctors say that I have it, I tell them I don't believe them and always ask them are they sure I know who and where the cure is for HIV it's in the blood of the Son. Just like for any manner of disease it's in the blood and I believe it, I trust it and I know it with no doubt.

Soul,

I am so glad that you have found those resources for yourself!!!

Well done my friend...I know this is going to bring much comfort and management to your situation. I am so very proud of you for taking this step!!!

I know the analogy that they used when comparing the two illnesses was not a good one for you personally...I am so sorry this comparison was made...since it brought up the unfortunate association for you.;( (God rest your dear sister)

...but the point that they were trying to make is the same...

...and that is that this illness can be managed...and one can live a good and normal life with a positive status.

Will there be challenges and things that will be different now...of course...

...but you now have support and don't have to do this alone.

I am sending love, and prayers your way...and encouraging you to continue to be brave, and keep working towards your best overall health...body mind and soul!

S.C.

XOXOXO Soul...

...we walk this journey with you!

S.C.

Thanks Prew really apreciate the encouragement.

Dear Soul, I'm glad you found a support group.
Please don't think that you are stupid.

Now focus on your lifestyle changes, your medication and keep on living like any other person. I know it is now a manageable condition, unlike 20 years ago. Please search for immune boosting diet. And be in good contact with your drs.
We are supporting you.