Learn from me

Hey everyone,

I just needed to share that I have brought myself back to square one due to binge drinking. After 8 months of sobriety I thought I could moderate around april and just this past weekend I drank heavily on friday,sat, and sunday. Only to wake up yesterday with the same feeling that I felt before I started treatment last year. I now feel this dark cloud over me that is probably depression and I just feel different. I know that drinking on lexapro is bad but my stupidity has once again led me back to where I wish I never returned. I don't feel hungover and I have barely eaten. I'm so ashamed and scared to where I have put myself again. I just want this post to be an eye opener for those contempleting drinking or such. It is nowhere near worth the pain that it can bring to you. Learn from me and see that the pain Im going through is a bumper to keep you on your path. I don't know if I can handle this round of depression or whatever it is with a child thats going to be born next month. I have a dreaded feeling all throughout the day for no reason and I feel like I've lost everything that I had progressed. I don't know what else to do and where else to turn.

-AK

You sound so remorseful and no doubt have returned to the path you momentarily stumbled from. As Hold on says above we are human and far from perfect. How very thoughtful to share in case someone here is contemplating if they can handle stepping off the path.
Be kind to yourself. Stop punishing, brush yourself off and appreciate the lesson. Support is here.

@Holdontomyhand - Thank you for the kind words, its just not being able to know if I can handle starting from the beginning.

@Panicgirly - I've been trying so hard to forgive myself but I just feel this anxiety that is just lingering and creating this depression that seems like is not going to move any time soon

@Rspwed - Thanks for the advice, I'm worried about having this depression right when my son is born. :(

I'm currently on 10mg of lexapro and I'm not sure how I've affected my medication and whether or not I've permantely killed its benefits but I'm going to give my Pdoc a call tomorrow and explain what happened. I just hate this feeling of dread where you know the depression is around the corner.

AK,

You are not back at and square one, where you once were. ..and the place you fear.

That is impossible...you can't be where you started, because that place is in the past...and you have moved on from there and gained experience and growth.

What has happened is a set back that you will get past...and even surpass the place you had been.

You are doing the right thing, and just what I was going to suggest, by telling all to your p-doc tomorrow, and with help, getting back on track.:)

You can do this...and we will be here cheering you on!

S.C.