New Here: My story

Hi guys/gals,

First time posting here. I was hoping to find someone who can relate to how I've been feeling lately and hopefully suggest some areas to possibly investigate concerning my issues.




Let me start by saying I'm 37 years old now and it's been roughly 4-5 years of dealing with whatever this is...
It all started one day after eating a large heavy meal at lunch one day at work. We went to a Vietnamese soup restaurant and I had a plate with some amazing cubed marinated beef. about an hour or so after going back to work for the second part of the day, I was looking for a co-worker on the opposite side of the building when suddenly I became extremely off balance. It was so intense that I had to stop and literally sit down in the middle of the plant to regain my composure. After a few minutes it went away. I proceeded to tell my manager of my experience to let him know I didn't feel well and I may need to go home early if it continues. Needless to say I was able to finish my shift and go home as I regularly did but I still felt slightly "off".

Roughly 3 days later, about an hour or two after dinner I was sitting in my office catching up on my emails and such, when suddenly I noticed when I tried to swallow my saliva, my throat would not respond. This sensation of not being able to control my throat muscles was somewhat concerning and I rushed to the fridge to drink some milk. As long as I put something in my mouth, I could swallow fine. If my mouth was empty, I could not swallow at all. I chopped it up as maybe just having a dry mouth and not enough saliva to actually swallow.

The following evening, while trying to go to sleep I noticed I could feel a heavy heartbeat while laying on my left side. At first, it wasn't that concerning but then I noticed an irregular rhythm (palpitations). Every 10 beats or so and there would be a small pause. The moment I felt the pause in rhythm, I would feel like I was sinking inside my own body, like I could feel my body immediately being drained of energy. Eventually I was able to fall asleep by sleeping on my opposite side.

The following day at work, I was explaining to my co-worker what I have been feeling over the last week. He immediately said, "Oh, that sounds like anxiety." I just kind of laughed at him. No way, not me.

Shortly after lunch again, I was outside on my smoke break when suddenly my throat tightened and I felt as if I could not breathe. For the first time, I really started to get scared and it turned into what I would describe as a full blown "Panic Attack." I became extremely light headed, confused, and irritable, I felt as if something was SERIOUSLY wrong. My co-worker again told me it was a panic attack triggered by possible anxiety and to try to relax and focus on slow breathing. After about 20 minutes, the feeling subsided and I was able to drive home. Luckily I only lived 3 minutes from work at the time. I decided to set up a DR. appointment for later in the week.

After explaining my symptoms to the DR. he told me that they were very generic symptoms. Immediately he told me it was stress and anxiety and wanted to put me on Zoloft. Again, I scoffed at his prognosis as I did my manager. How could it be stress or anxiety when I literally have not a care in the world. I don't let things get to me, I don't overthink things, I don't get upset often if ever. I know my mind and I simply refuse the conclusion from my Dr. that I am stressed out, especially when we haven't even started running any tests or anything at this point.

Over the next few weeks these symptoms all mildly came and went as new ones appeared until I had triggered another full blown panic attack. My new symptoms were, sudden intense sharp electric pains in my lower back that would only last 1/2 of a second. These sudden sharp pains would literally jolt and lock my entire body like I was being electrocuted. Another new symptom at the time was a tingling sensation over one side of my scalp that moved in a wave from the forehead to the back of my neck. The last new symptom was, whenever I cleared my throat, I would get tiny gel like balls of sticky phlegm. This may sound gross I apologize, but I could smash one of these gel like balls between my two fingers and they would regain their round shape after I separated my fingers again. To this day I still cannot find anyone who has seen or had this before. So again, all of this lead to another panic attack.

I immediately left a voicemail with my Dr. that maybe he was right and wanted to come back in for some additional testing. Within 20 minutes he replied and told me there was a prescription waiting for me at the pharmacy for the Zoloft if I felt I needed it. I decided to pick it up but still wasn't ready to start taking it. The next few days were pretty intense will all of these symptoms combined and they were lasting 24/7. I finally made it through the week and got to my appointment where we ran what felt like 20 different blood tests. I fainted during the blood draws because they were running so many tests. Needless to say, everything came back perfect and by perfect I mean I was nearly dead center in the ranges of all tests taken. Again I was told to take the Zoloft.

Over the next few weeks things just felt like there were getting worse with no reprieve. I felt as if I couldn't breathe normally anymore and having constant shortness of breathe as if my lungs were not accepting oxygen.
The one shining grace in all of this is that it was scary enough to cause me to quit smoking cold turkey and it was so easy to do considering all that was going on. I also decided to finally try the Zoloft. After about 3 days of taking it everything became 100x times worse and I ended up in the ER. Again they said I was perfectly normal. I ditched the Zoloft as I couldn't bare such extreme feelings 24/7.

At this point, I let HR at work know what I was going through and let them know that there may be times I needed to leave work slightly early for appointments and that I was willing to make up anytime lost. I was shocked when I was told to go ahead and take a month off and focus on my health being that health is the most important thing. I thanked my HR rep and gladly accepted. Over this month we continued to do some tests looking at my heart and some other things, again all good. Upon returning to work about 3 days in, I was called into my GM's office. I was told I was unreliable and being replaced by another worker and to pack my things. I was absolutely livid being that they were the ones to convince me to take the time off to begin with. Later that evening I convinced myself it was for the best and to live and let go so I began concentrating on my health. I started looking at my diet and exercise and other variables in my life. From this point on, I had to become my own doctor being that after being laid off, I lost my insurance.

Over the next six months it was a long battle of fighting these symptoms 24/7. There were many points where I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep forever. I had come to the realization that this was not something my body was going to fix on it's own, nor was it just going to go away. During these six months I was doing everything I could to get into MediCAL here in California where I was living at the time. This was right around the time that ObamaCare was being implemented and with the sudden influx of patients applying, it felt like it took forever to get in.

By this time, I had also cut out 90% of my sugar intake and no longer drank soda. During these 6 months of not smoking and dietary changes I developed sever heartburn and burning sensations in my throat, most notable after drinking water. I had also noticed that shortly after every meal maybe 1 hour into digestion is when I felt the worst. It had gotten to the point where I dreaded eating anything at all, as I knew what was coming as soon as I did eat. During this time I had been researching all my symptoms as well for these six months and was beginning to suspect GERD or some other stomach condition that was upseting my body causing it to manifest into anxiety or panic attacks. To this day, I am somewhat convinced one of the two is the main culprit and it is causing a chain reaction or vicious cycle.

After finally being accepted to MediCAL I immediately scheduled to see a Gastrointestinal Specialist. All she did was listen to my complaints and demand a rectal exam. Afterwards I was told, she was almost positive I had IBS. She told me she wanted me to take a test (Don't recall the name) where they place a tube through your nose and down your esophagus to measure the constriction of my sphincter muscles separating the stomach and esophagus. She was the only one at this facility that could do the test but there was a long wait. I agreed to the test and went on with my debilitating life waiting for the call.

Still unemployed, another year and a half of torture went by including four trips to the ER that ended up being a complete waste of time with no answers what so ever. Around this time, I received a phone call from the CEO of the company I was laid off from. I was told that the company was shutting down and the equipment was being sold off to a manufacturing facility in Las Vegas, Nevada. I was being asked along with two other current and former employees to come down to Vegas for 6 months as a contractor to reassemble the machinery and train the employee's there at the new company on how to run and service the equipment.
At first I laughed and replied "No way in hell, after how your company did me so dirty." The CEO told me at the time he was unaware what really happened with my being laid off and said ultimately he discovered the GM simply personally "Had it out for me." He explained that after he was aware of what really happened it was to late but I was assured the manager had been fired and was not going to be part of this Contract agreement in Las Vegas. I told him a needed some time to think it over. I came to the conclusion that this was my best chance and getting back in to see the DR.'s again, as waiting on this test here just simply wasn't happening, I was stuck in limbo. As a long shot, I demanded a 50% increase of pay, housing, and one week off every month to return home to California all expenses paid by the new Company and informed them of my current medical condition and situation. I was shocked they accepted but at a 30% increase in pay not the 50% I was asking for. I thought it over a bit but eventually accepted their offer.

One week later, I returned to my former company to help finish loading the flatbeds with the last of the support equipment that went with the main machinery that had already been loaded as was just arriving in Las Vegas. Two weeks later after clearing out the rest of the inventory, we were pretty much set to head out to Las Vegas. My Ex-CEO now contracting as well for the new company, pulled me aside and apologized for everything that happened to me. He told me he was gonna fight to try and get me severance pay that all the current employees got when they shutdown. Unfortunately he was unable to do so via the company but felt so horrible he decided to compensate me with a check of 5k out of his own pocket because he felt so bad.
After constant refusal I finally took the money because he simply would not let me refuse and I could tell he was desperate. He was always good to me personally and we always got along well. (He is a few years younger than I am and I did work with him for over 7 years).

It's now Feb, 2015. First thing I did upon arriving in Nevada was sign up with Anthem Blue Cross and started looking for a PCP. All doctors accepting new patients had waiting times of a 1-3 months just to have a consultation visit, being as I was only gonna be there for roughly 6 months, that didn't really work for me, so I decided to keep digging through other options. Eventually I found a "VIP" doctor who Anthem would accept that had a $1600.00 fee just to be his patient. In the program, this highly recommended doctor only has 20 patients at any given time allowing a much more personal relationship and 24/7 access to him. It also included, same day appointments which is why I decided he was the best choice for me as well as a complete medical exam top down from mental health to diet annually every year.

I finally had a doctor who was willing to listen to me and understand what I've been dealing with over these past few years, without immediately trying to put me on addicting mind altering medications. We started off with a more holistic approach and he explained to me about chronic inflammation in the body and how the constant stress of my immune system dealing with inflammation could be the cause of all my woes and the manifestation of Panic Attacks. The first thing he asked me about was my teeth and if any other previous doctors had mentioned it. I had sever tooth decay at the time in many of my upper teeth that I had been putting off taking care of for financial reasons and we both concluded that was something that needed be addressed asap, so I took the 5k I had and had all the rotten teeth removed the following week with a upper denture. After all the other myriad of tests from abdominal ultrasounds and heart monitors to barium swallows the only concrete thing we found was that I had a mild GERD. At the time he did suspect a Mitral Valve Prolapse after he thought he heard a clicking in my chest at one of my exams which was never found in later testing. The moment I was told, he suspected a MVP, my heart instantly sank and a feeling overwhelmed my body similar to the onset of my previous full blown panic attacks. I remember thinking specifically, "Ok, this is definitely Anxiety," and was able to calm down before in evolved into a full on attack.

What was supposed to be 6 months turned into 18 months out there in Las Vegas. The job was very stressful after the first 6 months in which we reassembled the machinery but they didn't hire anybody to train to run the machine so for the next year, we were basically running product for them as if we WERE the employee. Finally I told the new CEO this wasn't part of the deal and I was ready togo home. They did offer me a permanent position to stay at the original terms I wanted but after countless tests, ER visits and such, the debt is piling up and I am literally working my butt off while constantly feeling so horrible just to go deeper and deeper in debt. Now I'm really starting to get stressed out and just wanted to get back to California with my friends and family and return to MediCAL despite how long it took to get seen out there. I know it sounds bad but I've worked extremely hard my entire life and just endured 18 months of pure agony while paying upwards of 50% of my earning in taxes, licenses, and insurance just to work out there. I feel I've paid my dues and decided this time I'm going to take the free care back home being as I feel I've already paid for it and then some to the State of California.

So here I am, just got back to California This week. 20k in debt to ER visits in Nevada, in which all they ever did was run blood tests. I feel completely ripped off as I still have zero concrete answers for anything. I've tried all the GERD medications and they all make me worse. I've tried the Anxiety meds and the make me 10x worse. Everything ends up a dead end and I'm at a loss as what to do. The worst part is, others including family members can see how much distress I'm in and constantly ask me how I'm feeling. Yet, now they ask me more out of simple platitudes it seems, because when I start explaining my current physical symptoms and how debilitating they are, they simply gaze off as if they are saying "Yeah yeah, heard it all before." They are obviously frustrated with me complaining about how horrible I feel day in and day out, and simply tell me to get over it, being it can't be that bad because I haven't died yet.

I feel so lost, confused and lonely in dealing with all of this. I had another random panic attack late last night out of the blue and just needed some kind of release today. I feel as if I've become a burden on Society, Family and Friends. I am nowhere near the same person I used to be and despite all the physical things I feel everyday, this is what pains me the most as I write this here to you all today. I would give anything to just be my normal hard working self again. I'm literally getting all choked up with tears beginning to swell just writing this. Getting overly emotional and such, this simply isn't me and there is no doubt in my mind all the stress over these physical symptoms is whats gotten me to this point over the years.

I still don't think stress or anxiety is what started all of this but I'm defiantly feeling it now and it just amplifies everything else physically 10x fold. There is no doubt, all of this is slowly chipping away at my physical being and my soul.

If you've managed to make it through this wall of text to this point, I sincerely just want to say, Thank You so much for listening! If any of you can relate, which I'm sure many of you can, rest assured you are not alone. Any tips on what to do next would be greatly appreciated!

Thx for your response Larry, I appreciate your insight. I guess the part that hinders me so much from accepting the anxiety or stress prognosis is that up until earlier this year basically it's been 100% physical symptoms. Even while these physical ailments have persisted over the years, I don't worry about or focus on them mentally nor do I get the Impending Doom thoughts that everyone else seems to describe. A friend of mine suggested that maybe my uncanny lack of emotional response to certain situations is the actual trigger. That I should have been emotionally terrified at all of this or other events and the fact that I simply wasn't causes my body to release physically instead since I'm unable to emotionally. Not sure if that makes sense or not.

It does to me but i am not that cool with emotion. it's just that there is a tendency with us to go into
deniel and that causes us to be in this hell longer than we need. Peace

Larry ***

Hi

Welcome to the forum as you can see you will get good support here so keep us posted so we can help support you.

Do have a look at our resources thread for some really good links to self help sites on the web.

Hibee

Good Morning Everyone!

Ty for all the responses, even though this last week has been really bad it's reassuring to know we are all in this fight together.

Since I've been back, I think I've been to focused on moving back in to much, rearranging things, getting settled in ect. and forgetting to eat at first. I've never been a breakfast person, mainly just lunch a snack then dinner.

My sleep schedule is all over the place being I'm no longer employed. I'm not eating much at all now due to constant nausea from the moment I wake up now and I'm pretty sure it's because I've upset my digestion by lack of eating and having a few sodas. My theory is, to much additional acid from the soda sitting in a empty stomach with nothing to break down causing inflammation of my stomach lining.

It's gotten to the point that whatever I try to eat causes a pretty bad reaction. I've had no more than maybe 6 bites of food per day for the last 3-4 days. I can't get more than two bites down and immediately send it right back up and feel absolutely horrible for the next 4-6 hours. Upon laying down at night, I can hear and feel my digestion tract as if there is a Civil War going on in there. Best way to describe it is some small critters running around in my digestive tract smacking a ball around. I've also noticed my throat gurgling or burping small packets of gas or air when lying down to rest. It's totally involuntary and a strange sensation. Like just under my adams apple, my throat is creating soap bubbles and releasing them.

The moment I wake up I have a very intense jittery and vibrating feeling throughout my entire body. I generally feel a little better if I immediately go sit on the porch for a bit and just bask in the warmth of the sun. Although it does calm down a bit throughout the day, the feeling persists and I just try to ignore it the best I can but at some points I just have to sit down, close my eyes and concentrate on breathing from a sudden rush of fatigue.

So all in all, yeah my week has been pretty bleh, how is everyone else doing?

OS,

If you are struggling to eat/keep things down...pick up some Ensure or Boost meal replacement shakes. They provide the vitamins, nutrients and calories you need...and they are easy to sip on throughout the day to keep your stomach from being empty, or full of acid.

Slowly add in solids as things settle and improve.

S.C.

Scaredy Cat said...
OS,

If you are struggling to eat/keep things down...pick up some Ensure or Boost meal replacement shakes. They provide the vitamins, nutrients and calories you need...and they are easy to sip on throughout the day to keep your stomach from being empty, or full of acid.

Slowly add in solids as things settle and improve.

S.C.

Ty for you comment Scaredy Cat,

It's funny, maybe 10 minutes prior to reading your post, I asked a relative to bring me some Ensure tomorrow morning, as I have no way to get some tonight. I'm also going to try some Activia yogurt with probiotics. Excellent suggestion!

Post Edited (OrangeStarburst) : 8/28/2016 9:21:00 PM (GMT-6)

Yea those ensure things can be great when having stomach troubles

Thanks again for your replies guys!

Just as an update, this last week has been extremely rough physically 24/7. Not so much anxiety or panic type feelings but extreme digestive discomfort. I'm drinking 2 Ensures a day and not barely getting much solids down beyond that. I don't have any cramping, bloating, pressure or persistent pain per say. It's more like my entire digestive track is simply on strike and simply refusing to work at all. Off and on nausea throughout the day, most severe when first waking up and after eating anything no matter the time of day. Constant, extremely loud digestive gurgling and movements in both the stomach and intestinal area below the naval 24/7. Throat gurgling/burps just under the Adam's Apple when lying down to sleep. Occasional lower flatulence but more so upper gas or air relieved by burping that occasionally brings up burning acid reflux with it. Sudden spurts of overall fatigue and sleepy burning eyes with hot flashes when the gurgling shifts from the upper chest to the lower intestinal areas sometimes triggering minor hints of panic type feelings. I seem to get some relief from this by sitting propped up in a sitting fetal position on the couch with a cool fan on me for 30 minutes to an hour. Bowel movements are like soft serve ice cream or sometimes half partially digested solids. Occasional sharp chest pains, more so after eating, generally cured by a sip of Malox or Pepto. Increasing amount of the sticky gel like mucus with dark green speckles coughed up when clearing my throat shortly after eating or first thing in the morning. Off and on throughout the day, random muscle twitches all over the body mostly in the arms, legs and sides around the rib cage. Neck and shoulder tension later in the evenings. Last but not least, the feeling of getting no rest-full sleep at all. Waking up after 8 hours of sleep feeling like I'm extremely sleep deprived and gotten no sleep whatsoever. I don't seem to be waking up during the night, unless maybe I am just totally unaware of it.

Being that all of this is persisting basically 24/7, I have been sipping Malox throughout the day as it's all I can really do and it seems to lessen the overall severity for a couple hours but seems like it's losing effectiveness more and more each day. The worst night thus far stomach and nausea wise, was after taking an Excedrin for a headache. I'm also now noticing concentrated yellow urine an hour or two after eating which is occasionally cloudy as well. The pattern seems to be possibly tied to the use of the Malox.

After reading and reading, everything keeps pointing back to GERD for the most part and or Anxiety. I just recently noticed, Nexium is now for sale OTC and sounds to be exactly the same as the prescription type just at half the dosage, so I've decided to give that a go starting tomorrow. It's really my last hope at this point but I am somewhat reluctant to do so, as I'm semi worried it will make everything x10 worse like the last time my doctor had me try prescription Omeprazole being that Nexium is Esomeprazole which I assume by name, is very similar.

Anyhow, hope everyone else has been having better days than I! Thanks again for taking the time to listen, it's greatly appreciated!

nexium is far better than prilosec . trust me on this. i have the worst acid reflex case known to man.

Just wanted to say Thanks for the support guys!


Night before last, I had my roughest night yet, was on the verge of walking into the ER uninsured again. Massive anxiety, fatigue, nausea and the works. I paced the living room for 3 hours straight until my severe Anxiety/Borderline Panic pushed me to far this time. I simply became extremely pissed. Pissed that I'm constantly feeling horrible and pissed that I have somehow accepted or anticipated it as my new normal. After finally coming down from it all, I kind of had an epiphany. I see the patterns, I feel the patterns, I acknowledge the patterns and in doing so, I have for the most part accepted the patterns.

What I'm realizing is, I'm waking up stressed the moment I roll out of bed. The moment I gain consciousness, the first thought in my head is, "Is this going to be another rough morning?" The moment I think this and feel anything, ANYTHING AT ALL whatsoever, I link it to the pattern. I immediately mentally confirm that yes, it's all still here and thus the pattern continues. I may well be fighting this hard mentally but only after I have coincided the day so to speak. I'm immediately in a defensive stance as opposed to an offensive stance per say.

So I decided to play a game. A new game I'm going to call, "Yeah, what the f' ever, is that all you got, chump?"


So I wake up this morning and there it is, welcoming me to rays of sunshine like always as of late. Instead today is different, today I immediately think, "Oh, go f' yourself." I roll out of bed, within 15 minutes my body sensations of adrenaline are at a 7 of 10. Instead today, I'm still pissed... Is that all you got, a 7? Hahahha, go f' yourself and next time bring your "A" game. I wanna see the best you got chump! You think your gonna stop me that easy? Think I'm gonna just curl up and play your childish game today? Think again.
Bring your "A" game now or GTFO.

Within a hour I'm down to a 3 of 10. "Where did you run off to? Is that all you had? What a chump!" I start looking through the cupboard and see something I know will piss off my body as it has the last two weeks. Instead of grabbing a ensure or something I hope will be "safe" I see a can of Chilli and say to myself "Here, have some Chilli, you pos!"

I eat the chilli. Within, 15 minutes here comes his friend Mr. chest pains, late to the party. "Hahaha, Your friend, already left. On his way out, he told me to tell you, you can go f' yourself too." Throat begins to burn. "Dude, you are like a 4 of 10...If you can't even bring at least a 7 like your idiot friend, you're not even worth my time."

I simply just started ignoring it's severity levels. 1, 3, 6, 8, don't care. Not even close to enough. Low and behold, nobody else wanted to play with me today. "Oh, did I hurt your feelings?" So sorry, I got better things to do today.

And thus I did exactly that, I did better things and thus I had a better day.

Hope everyone else is doing well today and thanks for reading!

Love the analogy my friend! I guess one could say, by finding different avenues to de-stress, one is actually shopping for a larger glass to offset the volume of water near the brim.

Heading down to relax in the hot-tub, have a great day Larry!

Post Edited (OrangeStarburst) : 9/4/2016 9:58:48 AM (GMT-6)

wow!-talk about taking charge. good show. i kind of did the same thing with my severe depression and i won the battle. looks like you can also. wayto go