Looking for hope... I think? :)

After having trouble with Zoloft, Vibryd, Wellbutrin, and Celexa my psych. suggested I get the GeneSight test. Unfortunately it showed that Zoloft & Celexa were in the red zone for me and so I (we) decided to taper off of the Zoloft. Wellbutrin was in the green but I'd already had issues with Wellbutrin increasing my anxiety. The only medication that actually came back in the "green" was Pristiq, which I'm very unfamiliar with and seems to get mixed reviews. As soon as I got through the withdrawals I started feeling clear-headed in a way I hadn't in a very long time. I actually felt really good, and started feeling emotions again that I hadn't in a long time. It was really uplifting to work through my issues instead of feeling numb and brushing everything under the rug. (I tend to "cope" with therapy and also just brushing feelings under the rug - the Celexa/Zoloft was a great aid in order to do this) So, since April, I've only been on Klonopin for sleep, and she prescribes me a few extra every month for "anxious times".

This past month & a half I've experienced a lot of stressors. I have an extreme fear of flying and experienced a flight in Panama that was absolutely horrific (tremendous turbulence, people screaming, etc. - the worst situation for a person who already needs to take Xanax to fly...) and it may sound crazy but I feel like I'm still not over that flight (and I have 6 flights coming up in October/November- not good). On top of that, my husband and I are struggling (we're newlyweds) and we were considering buying a home in August and so that was a very stressful experience (we decided to table the "home buying" for now) and then twice we thought our dog had cancer (tumors were benign, thankfully) and we have monetary issues and my husband's family can be extremely stressful for me. So with all of this, I feel like I've boiled over and this weekend I think I had a nervous breakdown. Lots of tears, shaking, anxiety attacks, irritability, feeling paralyzed... even answering simple questions my husband asked seemed like just too much to handle. There were moments where I felt like sitting up would be impossible. I'd never felt so helpless and afraid. I'm totally wound up. I've had panic attacks before but it felt like the entire weekend was one long mental breakdown. I took the Klonopin (.5 mg) and it literally did nothing. It didn't work. It didn't make any difference. That makes this all the more frightening - I have medication for such times and when the medication does not work?

I don't love my psychiatrist. I feel like she's a drug pusher. And let me state right now that I am not - absolutely not - against medication. It's just that none of the medications have really worked for me. And after that Genesight test I felt vindicated, because after taking so many medications and having no success it made all the sense in the world. My body isn't metabolizing them correctly, and I really wish they did because I'd be all for something that worked! I'm worried that when I go in there (my appointment is at 2pm) and I tell her about my bumpy week and weekend her first response is going to be that I need to be on another daily medication and I just don't want to do that. She tends to focus on where there's a problem (such as this weekend) and not the months preceding where I'd been largely successful in managing my anxiety/depression without any medication. I'm frustrated that she's a doctor that seems disappointed and scolding when I tell her that I'm not interested in getting on another maintenance drug.

Today I got up, got dressed, and got to work (albeit late) and I'm doing ok.

I guess I want some hope that I'll come out of this bad "patch" without her pushing something on me that I don't want. In the past I've just always taken whatever she told me to. I'd also like to know why the Klonopin isn't doing its job...

I think I'm just ranting. And I don't think I should be going into this appointment thinking I need to prepare for battle...

Anyone out there have similar issues?

Thanks Scaredy! I completely forgot to mention that I am in therapy once every two weeks. I've been in therapy for years now, and it does help - sometimes. But I almost wish I could see her every day, you know? For instance, my next appointment isn't until next week. I could have really used her on Saturday but life doesn't work that way. And I do intend to tell her (my therapist) about this rough patch and ask her how best to deal with that very low place I hadn't been to in a long time.

So, yeah, that's why I don't really like my psych. so much. She knows I'm in therapy, and I do work through things - but all my mechanisms (deep breathing, etc.) for panic failed me this weekend. And I just worry she's going to throw a drug at me, because this is what she does...

But you're right. I do need to go in there with a plan. And what I really want is for her to tell me "Keep it up. You'll get through this, and let's adjust your as-needed medications" but I think she's going to make me feel like I can't "hack" it.

LOL... maybe I should switch doctors...

K.,

Good to know about the therapy! :)

You are doing all that you can...so I believe this is a temporary rough patch that you will pull out of soon.

If you need to increase your therapy sessions just for the time being...see if this is an option. You can go back to your regular bi-monthly schedule when you feel better again...

Cheering you on!

S.C.

I'm glad you're appointment went fairly well KatieB! I'm glad your doc was willing to listen to your wishes, but I would also say if you have the option, there's no reason you can't consider switching to a new doc. It doesn't ever hurt to get a second opinion!

I'm sorry for the rough weekend, but it is normal to have ups an downs. If you can function and cope and recover from a bad weekend, then you're probably doing alright without the medication. If it's starting to bleed beyond a bad weekend every now and then, that's when you might consider alternatives.

Hang in there! Strength to you!

That sounds like an excellent appointment!

Great job on both voicing your desires for your recovery...and being receptive to what your P-doc had to say.

I think your 2 week plan sounds perfect...and that you'll have a more clear direction once you go back!

S.C.