Depressed and Defeated

I'll try to keep this short and simple. I've had anxiety my entire life. I can remeber being this way at 5. My family wasn't super kind about it. My father suffers in silence as "*****ing" is a weakness I guess. Needless to say, I was medicated for so long that at 36 I'm now learning how to properly cope without medication.
I weaned off Paxil 2 years ago. I was feeling dead inside. I had memory loss and quite frankly was tired of doctors just writing Rx after Rx to get rid of me. I switched to a naturopath and started Neuro Feeback, diet changes (my anxiety causes me not to eat often because I always feel nervous), supplements etc. I began to feel myself again. Was making art again. My husband and kids loved having a non zombie mom.
I've had bouts of anxiety due to my triggers (driving on freeways really gets me. or driving in general) so I would avoid them. Well, Friday night we were out having a fun Family date and I felt off. My heart felt like it was beating like crazy, started getting warm and shaky. After I went to the restroom the panic attack started. It got so bad a gal saw me and started calling 911 which I knew logically I didn't need but I was convinced death was coming. Full heart attack. Untriggered. My husband was able to cancel the ambulence and get me calmed. Its Sunday and I'm still shaky and now depressed. I'm rarely depressed so it's freaking me out. Why can't I feel better? I just feel so defeated like I've tried and tried for 25 years to fix me and I can't do it without being drugged and dead inside. Ill take any tips to get out of this funk. When I think about it, I think I've been gradually getting depressed for a couple months over this. Having a hard time focusing on stuff aside from.. "my heart feels weird" or "why am i shaky" and that bums me out.
I'm just so angry and so over this crap.

Hi S.B.,

And welcome! (officially) Thanks for starting this introductory thread. 😊

I too think this depression is situational...and getting your anxiety management to a good place will find you feeling better all around.

I couldn't find if you'd mentioned your therapy history (sorry if I missed it)

Are you currently seeing someone?

S.C.

thanks for the responses and yes I've done lots and lots of talk therapy but have quit CBT before. I'm actually going to be starting with a new gal to start that again. I think I need to start keeping a "security blanket" drug around like Ativan but only have it for these bad occasions.
I just started trying yoga as lifting and boot camps injured my neck thus causing oodles of more anxiety. The stress that's always in my neck can be part of the problem.

Depressed I can understand. But I don't think you're defeated at all. You've been fighting for so long. You're a warrior.