Posted 1/22/2018 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
1. You said, “am pretty nervous about this big city” and then note “If I were to leave, I would be a disappointment to everybody I know, including myself. I would go to a lesser university and be ruining my future”
It seems like you might think 50/50 like I do. You can offer me a green car or a red car, and I can’t really choose, for I see both of them equally. So I sit there very often and don’t do anything, for I haven’t decided what to do.
It might be left brain person (for math, we’ll say), right brain person (for creativity we’ll say), then there is split brain, who sees both sides equally.
That might explain part of my situation.
2. You say, “and have no friends yet to walk/eat with besides my roommate”
I can be both gregarious, and then no so for long times. I can walk my dog around the neighborhood, after having not seen anybody for some time, then I can see a neighbor and have a good conversation.
So I’m both. My enemies can see that as being alone, and some may want to attack.
My friends see me as talking to people and as friendly. But both of those are who I am. I’m not, and cannot, change my personality, and be super friendly 7 days a week to keep the enemies away.
When I was in college, I would often take a nap in the afternoon, and in the winter, wake up a 6:30 p.m., everybody on the floor had already gone to supper, cold, dark, alone, scramble to get to the dining hall by 7 before they closed, eating by myself, thinking, what is the deal with me?
I didn’t do well in academics, so that made it rough, but that is who I was, someone said LD. I had weak points, that’s right, but I also had some strong points, so I needed to look at those more. I had to…that’s right, be positive, which I wasn’t exposed to at the time.
So I know what you’re talking about when you say, “and have no friends yet to walk/eat with besides my roommate” The next dorm I moved into, it had different dynamics, and friendlier people, we’ll say, and that improved.
On his TV show, Walt Disney used to have a sign on his desk which said, “Be Yourself.” Sensitivity is not a weakness, it’s a strength. You’ll be in a better position to help somebody because you will have been through it, and you’ll know what they are going through, and what it’s like to be walked away from.
3. “I have crazy thinking habits that make me overthink and dig myself into a hole and can't make friends”
I didn’t have any real friends in college. I had people I was friendly with. I didn’t have anyone close, male or female. At times, I felt awful, and once, in my 2nd year called my mother from 125 miles away, and broke like a 5 year old, telling her I wasn’t successful at anything in college, dating, friends, academics, social, nothing.
What it was, also, was 2 things, I had not been allowed to grow up as a child, my mother had problems, and my growing up threatened her. Two, I was not positive. For while I magnified my shortcomings, I made sure not to look at any of my positives, for I had been raised negative.
I was raised by Al-Anon, a support group for friends and relatives of alcoholics. For instance, I was in one meeting and when it came my time to talk, I bawled like a baby, right, just as I did with my mother that time. Except, the woman next to me wasn’t my mother. She was a caring person.
She listened to my plight, and when I finished she said, “Oh, you were having a Pity Party, we’ve all done that.” OK, embarrassed to tears, right, in front of the group. Her words went all the way to my psychic. I mean, deep. She got passed my guards.
I realized, she’s not trying to hurt me, she’s trying to help me, but she’s telling me in effect to grow up. Something I hadn’t done in many years. And after that, I never felt sorry for myself again. Whenever I tried, I saw that woman’s face, and I heard her voice, and it ruined my Pity Party.
I’m not saying you are like this. I’m saying, you might want to concentrate more on your strong points. Unlike me at that stage.
As far as going to classes and the dining hall, how far is it from your dorm to that, to those parts of the campus? Do you feel like you can negotiate that? Do they have campus police?
Do other girls leave the dorm to go to classes, the dining hall, at certain times? Do they wait by the elevator and maybe you can join the group? Maybe go to some of the rooms and ask if anyone else has the same classes you do, so maybe you can leave together?
Maybe get to know someone doing that. Maybe there are some nice people like you and you could get to know each other.
Some people with similar classes, people with similar interests, people with similar troubles, people who are also looking for a friend. People you could help. I think that’s one reason they have dorms, interchange of ideas. And off you go.