Some questions ...

Hello ,

I recently posted complaining about a bad pdoc from years ago.

The relevance now is though I’m not having anxious moments now , the result of my lack of imitative , apathy , from then , when I was searching for answers to what was I feeling (GAD) , and what was it’s rhyme and reason - your good doing one thing one moment - the next time your anxious , lack confidence , and are a mess - sometimes doing things I’m good at .

That brings me to now , the sum total of this is well into middle age , where society , doesn’t give you many chances , I am stalled to a halt . And that time seeing him I was doing pretty well career wise and with proper focus , and with my head on straight - which it now is much more so - I could of taken it to the next level and set me and my family up.

So I feel empty now . Because of my fear I never committed myself to anything , for fear of failing , fear of making a fool of myself , and here is something I learned about through reading C. Weeks book , I was fearful of my own reaction to fear , which freaked me out somewhat.

Today I understand myself much better , no thanks to counseling .

It’s been awhile since I read her book , but believe she said people are just wired to be more anxious , and it’s not so much your past environment , and even if you could remember , it would make not much difference .

I always felt ashamed as long as I could remember , parents fighting , mental health issues with them - would exploring them help me many years later ? I asked the therapist when I saw him , he brushed it off . I have told my significant other of this , so what would rehashing it do ? I would appreciate any input , but since I recognize the dysfunctional nature of what I was exposed to I don’t think beyond that it does no good . To try and remember a story and bring back feelings , I just remember broad details , not much else .

Anxiety - you do things and are fine as a kid - do same thing as a adult - and feel uptight- it makes no sense .

Post Edited (ghosst8) : 12/14/2018 4:31:58 PM (GMT-7)

Hello S.C,

Thank you so much for your input .

Your advice is always warmly appreciated .

I must say that I am in a better place mentally than years back , but still have my moments with anxiety.

Scaredy Cat , the thing is that being said , my goal is to live my life WITHOUT FEAR -
let me clarify that : it’s normal to have fear , of things it’s healthy to be fearful of like fire, and things that can hurt you , of course . I’m talking about doing whatever I want for the rest of my life in spite of the ingrained self doubt I have which makes everything into a BIG DEAL ,AND MAKES NO SENSE.

IM TRYING TO LET GO, BREATHE AND YES I KNOW ITS NOT THAT EASY , IT COULD BE A CHEMICAL ISSUE WITH SOME , DONT THINK SO TOO MUCH WITH ME AND TAKE OFF THAT MONKEY THAT HAS BEEN ON MY BACK FOR DECADES CALLED SELF DOUBT WHICH DISGUISES ITSELF MANY TIMES AS APATHY AND PROCRASTINATION.

S.C, I agree with you regarding anxiety , I think I’m wired this way and my upbringing where I saw much fighting , addiction , instability , and I was raised in extreme insecurity , as well as being overprotected - magnified that issue .

This made for verbal abuse by others and a feeling of shame and not having any sense of myself for a long time .

I have spoken to my partner about this , so although I’m asking here about the usefulness of talking about the past as it could be a factor holding me back , I do not want to go to , nor feel need to see a therapist - besides , I either didn’t like the person I saw or they were not useful.

I just need to be more mentally strong and finally learn to trust myself . It has
Taken so LONG to realize that, I want to live that way for me and my family.

Disacard old habits.