Posted 7/3/2020 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
Anyone experience relationship anxiety? I'm in my late 30s and this is something I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. I had SEVERE separation issues from my mom as a kid. I read a lot about attachment and I believe I have anxious-avoidant which is a combo of both anxious and avoidant. Almost like "come here, get away from me".. is the best way to describe it. I am a very intuitive person and always trust my gut.
With the new guy I am seeing I don't believe it is my gut. I believe it is anxiety. I tend to nitpick once I start to like someone and the stuff I nitpick about is so not even important. I think once I get close to someone, I subconsciously turn off as a defense or way to not get hurt or abandoned. I have a fear of loss. I am so aware of my issues and right now I see no red flags in the person I am dating. We have been seeing each other a month and it is early but... he has been the sweetest, most validating man and we just click. Things have felt right ( when I'm not nitpicking and anxious).
Yesterday I had a therapy session with my therapist who is a marriage and family therapist. She wanted to challenge my anxiety and asked me... do you feel great in your heart or in your head ? I immediately had a wave of anxiety and started doubting whether I even like this person or care. Meanwhile, before this question, I was happy and talking about how the relationship with this guy feels so different and real unlike other relationships, and how part of me has felt like this may be someone I see as "the one" . I like this guy and see so much potential, and vice versa because he has told me. I don't want to sabotage anything. But today my anxiety is so debilitating that I feel like I need to run. I know it will never get me where I want if I run.. marriage and kids etc.. and the most frustrating part is that the way I have been feeling I have no reason to run. This anxiety and feeling is taking over. Please help!