Disability hearing getting closer and anxious

Oh man! I am beginning to freak out now. My hearing for SSD is around the near corner and I am sitting here shaking just thinking about it. My aniexty is so high right now I feel like crawling under a mountain to hide...

The thoughts of, "what if the judge says no!" what then? This is a huge fear of mine, because what if something happens to my husband and because I am unable to work everything will be lost....
Even when I could work, I could not generate enough capital to support my family anyway...I could never stay at a job longer than 2 years....
I hate this circle thought process of the what if's....My body feels like its got needles priecing through it, my head feels like I have a clamp around it....I just don't think I have what it takes to go into that hearing, this aniexty is freaking me out to much..I used to ask my self, "what if I run out in the middle of the meeting, what would people think." Now I can't even think that because I can't run now, so now I feel trapped....
Here's a new one for the you know you have panic attacks.....You know you have panic attacks and a severe back injury when you try to replace an electrical wheelchairs motor with a jet engine so you can get the heck out of dodge in the middle of a panic attack....
Thanks for listening....

Thanks Lyn for your words of support....I am in Texas and on my third attempt and if they do approve me, it will be 4 years backpay...I worked up until 1999 because the panic disorder got to much for me to handle. It was in 2002 when I severly injured my lower back.
I met with my attorney for the first time today, he prepared me for what is to come and how the judge is. He said he is a bit hard nosed and sometimes even asks personal questions, but that's okay...He said if I am going to have a panic attack, just have it so the judge can see...I had to laugh a bit because he said it as if I could control whether or not I had a panic attack...He said the same thing as you did, just be yourself, give clear precise answers. I lost it when he told me my husband can't go in there with me if he is going to testify. We had to stop the meeting for a bit...My hubby is my support base and it felt as if he took the rug out from under me and sent me soaring...My mother is going to sit with me then, so my hubby and sister can testify....
He said that it looks pretty good to get the disablity on my panic disorder and major depression, which was the secondary disability. My back is the first disabling condition...I really don't mind which one they chose as long as they approve me this time...I can't take much more of this, as it's been 4 years already...I have lost half my hair from worry and stress, I am partial to the remaining 10 hairs left and kinda want to keep them...
I have to remember the breathing thing, but it seems to go out the window in severe aniexty, as my mind goes completely blank and I can't keep a single thought process going....OH! I dislike this so much why can't it be over already....UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God I meet with my counselor tomorrow, I need it right now....

Thanks again....

Thanks again Lyn...Yes it is funny though, but not really, yes I want to have a panic attack so they can see it live and in person, but I don't want to have a panic attack because it is terrible when one is in the midst of it...I am just going in and what ever happens, happens...that's all I can do...I am still going to freak...and until the day gets here i am going to be just posting in this thread what I need to get out so I can remain in some happy place...I am home all day by myself while hubby and kiddo is at work, so I need somebody during the day to talk to and this is it....

YES, I pray to announce the good news of a fully favorable decision....If the judge doesn't give a decision that day, the lawyer says this judge is good about getting the letter in the mail in about 30 days....I pray I get an answer that day I don't know if I have 30 days worth of fingernails left..

Thank you so much for your support CounterClockwise.....

This morning I woke up and I am finding it harder to eat. I am so nervous and I still have a few days to go...I am probably going to say this a million times before the day gets here, "OH!~ I wish this was already over!!!!!!!

Hi Shortstop --

This is a mind trick that sometimes works for me when I've got something I'm dreading coming up. You know that feeling where you're looking at the calendar and all you can see is that "Day of Doom" (the one you're greading)? Well, I mark my calender and diary for the next day as "ALL OVER!" and try to concentrate my mind on that day instead. It's a silly thing really, but I find it helps -- after all, knowing that it'll only be a days difference to wait for the day it's over reminds you that there's life after the crappy day and that it is after all just one day. I know a lot hangs on this one coming up for you, but you *will* get to that other side. Also, could you plan something nice to do the day after -- so you can look forward to it and again take the attention from the difficult day? I'm sure part of you is thinking "how could I ever manage to put the hearing day out of my mind??!" Well, this probably won't happen, but having other things lined up for just after it can help you get just enough distraction for you to have a bit of a mental break every now and then, which it really sounds like you could do with.

Good luck hun -- my thoughts are with you.

Rosie x

Shortstop I hope for the best for you and definititely please keep us informed This may be a precedent setting case if you get accepted. I am keeping my fingers crossed as I know how tough it is to work with PA's.

Good Luck!

Thanks for the update Shortsop ....................will keep son in our prayers for sure
I think with all you have wrong you have a good chance as long as you are open and upfront with them on how this has effected your everyday life and it is not what you had envivioned for yourself at all .........I basically just told them I would rather be working than to be looked after .......and the costs of my meds and tx and nursing visits were costing them a fortune.I still say just be you and they will see what you have gone thru and what you go thru daily

Wishing you all the best ........Lyn.............. sorry for your loss........

The day draws closer and I am almost nail-less. LOL~! Just a few more days and this thing will be over. Oh, I pray to God that things go smoothly and the judge is having a really good day so he will be extra nice and not hard nosed......

Well, I can't eat much now and my nerves are on edge. My insides are shakey and its getting harder to gather my thoughts. Everything that I imagined would take place isn't allow. I was told I can't read my prepared statement, (the only way I know I can rememeber everything) and my hubby can't testify if he sits with me in the room....that bites....

Thanks again for the support...

Well today I had my hearing for SSD. I can say, it went nothing like I expected. I will say that I am glad that I researched all that I did, prepared as good as I did, it really helped a lot. I was expecting this hearing to take only an hour, but we were in the hearing room for over 2 hours. The entire first hour not one word was spoken. The judge that was suppose to hear my case was not there and another judge had to hear my case. He needed the time to go over my records. After about an hour and a panic attack later, we started. The judge laid down some rules on how he runs his hearing, then began to speak about my records, course of treatments that I have had, told my husband he was going to testify for me, and he would get to ask me some questions. The judge spoke most of the time with my attorney, there was no opening statement from my attorney either. The entire time the judge kept flip flopping one minute he was saying positive things and then it would sound like he was going to throw out my case. It was a bit stressful and I went through their entire box of tissue and now my nose is completely sore. I also can tell you much detail of the carpet that was in there, because I had a hard time holding up my head, I was so scared I tried to hide in the carpet even though I didn't leave my chair but to stand up a few times. After about an hour of going back and forth from my physical and mental impairments and the judge getting really mad at my attorney, the judge gave me a bench decision....It was fully favorable! I just can't believe it, I am in shock. Before he closed the case he asked me to look at him he had something to say. He said now that your going to be on Medicare, you must get much better care and you had BETTER get more care. I am happy that I got it, and I know I have to wait for my letter in the mail for all things to be sured up. He also said he was going to push the letter through because he wanted me to get care quickly. He said I should be getting it in 2 weeks. Praise GOD!

thank you so much for all your support and anyone having a hearing, prepare is the best advice I can give....If I had not had all my medical records detailed it would have hurt me. I had records they didn't....

Happy dancing with an extremely sore nose...LOL! I was so embarassed because I used the whole box of tissue and we had to get more. LOL! I just could not stop crying....I am so tired right now and I think it will all set in tomorrow....

The Vocational Expert was also on my side, she said there was not possible jobs for me and the panic disorder is all shown as "marked." The judge did give her the hypotheical questions and she said no to all his questions regarding jobs for me.

Thank you so much! I am just glad this part is behind me it's been 4 years of stress and agonizing over this...I am so glad I get to keep the last 10 hairs on my head...LOL!

I got the MUSIC in me I am so Happy I cant stop dancing

So sweetie you did it and I am so glad for you

Take his words to heart

get better help and better care no excuse now kk

DO you realize how hard it is for a crohnie to dance this early in the morning but I cant help it I have been waiting so ptiently for this and now my day is made

KUDOS hun

We are all so HAPPY for you

All the best and remember FAITH does carry weight ..............

God bless

Lyn

Glad we have been here for you hun and yes we would look like a sad but HAPPY pair dancing ........God Bless..........Lyn

Sunshinesyl I will be praying for you and I hope your get your approval soon. I can't tell you how many posts I have read about this process and the research I did just to find a peace of mind about this whole ordeal. Just keep going and don't give up....

Thanks a bunch for your kind words....It is comforting to know that others understand this situtaion...