I ended up in the ER last night....

So, I get this call from my sister. She is screaming at me and telling me I had no right to tell him any of those things. SHE was his mom and all I ever will be is his AUNT. I know this and that's not what I meant in the letter. I don't and wouldn't try and "replace" her. I just wanted him to know he could count on me. He's a very sweet special boy.

I'm supposed to watch him on Saturday and take him to his singing lesson. I told her nope, I'm not doing it. She obviously thinks so little of me as to think what she said. So, I'm not watching him. I also told her that if she wanted to try and talk about it, too bad. She'd better not show up at my house or I'd call 911 and have them take her to jail for trespassing and that I'd get a restraining order against her.

We both attend the same university and do you want to know how she introduces me to her friends? "This is Michelle. She's my mean sister. She used to hit us and get into fights when we were little, I have scars on my hand to show for it. She did all sorts of other things too. I hated her. But know I don't." First of all, that is true. I was mean to my sisters when we were growing up. I'm the oldest and it was hard because my mom wanted me to be the role model. Yuck! Second, I feel really bad about some of the things that I did. Third, I've apologized more than at least 15-20 times for those things. I've asked her not to say that anymore. It hurts my feelings. I've apologized enough. I don't think that it needs to be brought up at all anymore. It's done and over with. Yet she continues to do it. She on the other hand thinks it's very funny. She says it, then gets this evil grin on her face, like "HA HA".

So I talked to my other two sisters and told them both that I hate Marie. I hate her so much that it's eating me up inside. I said some things that scared both of the other two and they called my parents and my husband. When my mom and dad got there, they talked to my husband and decided that I needed some intervention. They took me to the ER. I got a shot of ativan, which I've never had before, but it calmed me down to the point where I could at least speak and be understood. I talked to a crisis counselor for an hour or so. I thought for sure they were going to keep me overnight, the way they were all talking. But they let me go home.

So, know I'm home alone with no one to talk to and these thoughts still running through my head. I hate my sister. I would so have her put in jail if she showed up here.

I FINALLY got that appt with the nurse practitioner. It's today in just a couple of hours. I hope they can get me on some meds to even me out. I felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't quit crying and talking all at once until they gave me the shot. I was in such a manic state. It was horrid. I hope I can get some help. I don't want to end up like my aunt, non compliant and out of control.

Please say some prayers for me my friends. You all have been so good to me. You are great. You are here when I need help and advise. I really love each one of you.   

Chell, I am so sorry that you are struggling so much with this. I can completely understand what you are going through, as I myself have had MAJOR issues with my own family and them (siblings) blaming me for things long in the past and being unable to forgive. I also have no children of my own, I am 29 and have had 4 miscarriages thus far. Now I don't even want to try. My advice may not be of help to you, though I hope it is. For one thing you are not by yourself! And though this is much easier said than done, try to remember that YOU have overcome your past and the things that you have done and have taken responsibility for that. The fact that your sister cannot should not hinder you in your life now. You are by far the stronger in being able to do what you have and in so selflessly giving your nephew your time. Don't allow someone elses hatefulness cause him to suffer. Forgiveness is the hardest thing of all to learn and actively practice everyday, but it is by far the most powerful and life changing aspect of the human heart. It may seem to take an eternity but if you can truly achieve this I assure you it can move mountains. Try to keep your chin up and just be there for your sister if she needs you. I know how very hard this is but by you showing her that you harbor no bitterness you will allow her to see her own misgivings and hopefully enable her to change herself; her life. I hope I have been of some help to you, if anything remember you are in my prayers, you're not alone! I wish you strength, peace and happiness. If you ever want to talk I am here in chat in the evenings. Good luck to you Chell. God bless you....

           panicinID

Thanks to everyone-

I got a letter from my Brendan today. He says he'd love for me to be his substitute mom and that loves me very much. I started crying all over again. He knew and understood what I was telling him. He knew. Just like I knew he would. I'm much better now.

It's taking all my strength not to call my sister and go NA NA NA!!! Just like a little kid. She obviously doesn't have as much faith in his abilities to understand things as I do. But I'll be the bigger person and let it go.

I know he loves me. I know he cares about me. I know he wants to spend time with me. And he is all that matters to me.

Thank you all for your support. I'm so glad I have friends here that understand and that we can all share our experiences and grow from them. I love you guys.

Shell,

I won't even pretend to understand what you are going through.  I myself am the little sister of the "mean" sister.  Never in my life would I ever treat her the way that you have been treated but it seems like you both have some responsibility for this situation. 

It is great that your nephew "got" what you are saying but you are now in a very slippery slope.  Being the mom gives your sister legal rights that can hurt you.  You now have a precident of "out of control" behavior where she is concerned and she could use that against you if she stays mad.  Trying to drive a wedge between nephew and his mother will also only backfire against you.  Both of you were wrong in the way things were handled and both of you have elements of rightness.  Walk forward very, very carefully for your nephew's sake if nothing else.

Having said those things I also want to say that even though it seems to have gotten out of control, I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself.  You are right, your sister's put downs have gone on long enough. 

I don't know of any other relationship than siblings that can be so damaging.  My mean sister and I are (I hope) working to put the past behind us.  She is the one who is alone in the world and I don't want to look down the road and know that she doesn't even have me.  Even if I don't like her now, I want to like her.  We have agreed to go away together for the weekend after the first of the year to clear the air, be mad at each other and try to work some stuff out.   

Sending good vibes your way,