job searching - worry wart!

Hi everyone, I've gone from major depression (suicidal ideation) to "ok, I want to LIVE and now I'm soooooooo anxious and sooooo scared of everything. What if...what if...what if...I'm alone, have no place to stay because of my little doggie (who is the main reason I am here today typing on this computer), flat broke, in chronic pain w/ migraine - not sure how I would work w/ migraine, not sure when I would recover from the paralyzing depression/anxiety all the while with the clock ticking...tick, tick, tick - 3 weeks until my State Disability is cut off.  No more paychecks.  The thought of what could happen to me if I don't get a job in time TERRIFIES me.  All of my security is threatened.  I have been working since I was 15 yrs. old until last year and my migraines were daily and my husband left me after 4 months of marriage (I emphasize this because I experienced something like PTSD - I was in complete and utter SHOCK - we were a Christian couple and he communicated no dissatisfaction with me or our marriage).  Anyway, I lost my confidence with the depression.  I didn't know who I was anymore.  I lost my self.  Well, with the deadline looming and having absolutely no choice but to get out from under the covers and go to the computer and look for a job - I finally did.  Over the weekend I sent out 17 cover letters for a position in project coordination, exec admin asst & HR coordinator/asst.  Low and behold 2 calls today.  2 brief telephone interviews and 2 interviews set up for this week.  Okay, so WHY AM I STILL SOOOOOOOO ANXIOUS?  Now I have a whole new set of things to worry about.  I worry about how to answer the questions, I worry about not making as much money as before, I worry about EVERYTHING.  What can I do to control this?  I believe in God and that should be good enough - knowing that He will provide but I feel those constant butterflies in my stomach.  Any suggestions, words of encouragement?  Thank you.

Hi Maree - I like that "onward and upward" that sure would be nice. I appreciate your words of encouragement and vote of confidence. Sammy, my doggie is on my lap (of course) and Duke, my kittie is sprawled over the top of the couch. I'm 42 and didn't get to have children in my life so these truly are my babies. Take care. :)

Hun Maree is spot on you are always here to help and support others in need
I too am a worrier I am constantly worrying about what to worry about next ya know and in all honesty we as giving and supportive ppl should know that we dont need to do this yet with this A/P we will no matter what anyone says
I just want you to know that it is time to start some positive worrying and there is SUCH a thing lol
What if I make too much money
What if I have my own office
What if I can afford a new car
What if I end up owning the company
What if I have to hire a housekeeper for my new mansion
What if I fall for the Pool man ......

** I am in no means making light of this I just want you to smile and maybe get a lil chuckle out of that
As I said I too worry about everything and if you saw those pics of my sores thats what it does to me stress anxiety and worry .........
You are so strong yet you are the only one that does not see it like myself we only see and concentrate on the negative "what ifs' and are literally worrying self sick
You made so much progress in such lil time and with migraines to beat all hades
GIVE self some CREDIT hun
you oh so deserve it
As we all know and luvs about ya is your concern and support for all the ppl on this forum well
Time to think about you for a change okay
please before you go off your rocker
If ya need to talk my info is there I am someimes on MSN and will gladly talk to you we can worry together or better yet find ways together NOT to worry so much about everything ........

In fact I got so bad at night that i talked to doc about it and I told him I would lay there and worry about things a month away and I mean worry ....he put me on Trazadone ...(non narcotic and non adddictive ) stops your brain from doing all the thinking and worrying (doesnt get you dopey or buzzed ) and you can fall off to sound sleep with 20 30 miutes tops .......for me it has been the greatest thing  
It really doesnt change what will be : we know that right? so instead of being sick with worry lets just get better not worrying
I hope you know I just wanted you to have a chuckle or at least a lil smile and that I honestly do really and truly relate to you

You are going to be just Fantabulous and when there remember that your HW 'Family" is there right along side you in spirit rooting you on  
Kudos for a job well done already and now its on to the BEST part

Will be keeping you in my heart thoughts and Prayers for sure ...........
Take care and
God Bless
Lyn

Hi Hopeful,

I just wanted to send you words of encouragement because I know how helpful and uplifting they can be. I can ABSOLUTELY sympathize with the fact that looking for a job is NOT fun. After a bad situation I found myself without employment and I realized that this was my opportunity to find something that I wanted to do instead of something I just had to do. So as cliche as it sounds, when one door closes another one opens (even if it's the door you weren't knocking on.)

The way that I got through interviews (at least the first few) was that I looked at them from a purely experience type of situation. I wasn't betting on that job to be the one I got, but the one I could learn from and use for when I found the job I wanted. This definitely takes the pressure off.

As for interviewing for a job that is less pay or less prestige, I did that too! The best answer is that you're looking for something that you WANT instead of something you need. Essentially you just have to tell the employers what attracted you to the job in the first place. Think to yourself about why you sent your resume in... Were you interested in the company, working with people, working for someone in an area that you enjoy, want to get more experience in a certain area.

I actually started my new job Monday, and these were all issues that I had to discuss with them. Their main concern is that I'll end up looking for something with more money once it comes along. But, if you can show them that this is what you're excited to be doing, they should overcome that fear. (And if they don't, then you don't need the added burden of trying to prove it to them.)

In any case, keep your chin up and sights open. Something will happen for you. Because like everyone else has said, you're taking charge of the situation. You should be proud of that. Because I know it's not easy. I wish I could make the doubts go away, but with every new situation there are always questions we ask ourselves. Sometimes we need to play devil's advocate with ourselves and give ourselves the answers that we might not believe. I think if you keep repeating positive answers to yourself, you'll begin to believe them.

Hi hopeful..you are stronger than you think you know..you just endured a 2hour interview..good grief...well done dear...you did great and I am proud of you and yes - lol you do deserve the acadamy award - as I am sure that 'Sammy' and 'Duke' would agree lol.
Keep smiling..we all love you heaps! No more tears OK?
By the way what breed of little doggie is Sammy?

Take good care.
Maree

Hi Lyn, thank you for your very kind words and for caring about me. I broke down last night because the migraine was unrelenting and I just felt like doing only that 1 thing yesterday was a mountain. I was exhausted and I felt stressed out. I beat myself up for being "handicapped" and questioned everything about my self - cried and cried because this is not the person that I want to be. I have another interview this morning (blessed to be called for 2 interviews) and upon logging onto the computer this morning, the company I interviewed with yesterday asked me to come into today for a 2nd interview. This job holds a lot of responsibility and I wonder if I can hold up but perhaps with this area of my life settled, the migraines will calm down - I'm eterenally HOPEFUL even though I do have many moments of feeling hopeless. I try to turn it over to God. Anyway, thank you for being on my side. It's so nice to know that I have people who suffer like I do and can give me that vote of confidence. I know that many people on here have had to do the same thing that I am doing. I'll keep you posted. God bless.

Congratulations Hopeful! A 2nd interview is great and obviously you did a wonderful job selling yourself!

I'm sure you've also tried this, but it might help if you can think calming thoughts before the interview. Anything to take your mind off the process. My safe thought is an blanket my grandmother made. I just imagine myself wrapped up in it and can feel all warm and cozy. You might want to think about how it feels to cuddle Sammy or think about a warm summer day and the smell of fresh cut grass. Try to think of a memory that occupies one of your senses (taste, touch, smell) and that will force your mind to work on something else instead of your anxiety. (I can't guarantee that it will always work, but it will at least give you something to do while you're waiting for the interview.)

I did want to say one thing. YOU ARE NOT HANDICAPPED. Wanting a job because it's less stressful doesn't make you less of a person, it makes you a person who is more aware of what your needs are. You should be proud of yourself for not forcing a job that might impact your health.

And I have to agree that the little furry companions we call pets are probably the best medicine out there. There's nothing like a little furry comfort to make you feel 100% better. I know that when my kitty purrs it makes my day. (course he purrs every time I pet him, but I can't help that! :)

Your pup sounds adorable. Give him a big squish.

Thank you redshoe and Maree. My kittie and doggie do make life bearable. I'm afriad that I have had a relapse. I have had 2 emotional breakdowns and I can't get better from the chronic migraines. It was a whirlwind but I had 2 interviews in 2 days and by the end of the 2nd day I was made an offer. The caveat - start tomorrow. This was because the Ops Mgr. was leaving and had 2 days to train whoever would take over. It took 8 solid hours to explain (overview) of the position. I had a migraine and I could barely make it through the day. I knew that this was a job that I was NOT going to be able to handle at this time in my life. Too many details, responsibilities, decisions and NOBODY THERE WHO WOULD KNOW MY JOB/DESK. At about 3:00 in the afternoon I was a dear in the headlights. My head was throbbing and my stomach was sick and I just prayed that God would make it stop, make it stop. When I got to my car, I broke down. I wanted to DIE. I wanted all of the physical and emotional and mental pain to STOP. I know that I am in not in a position to be choosy but I knew that I could not do the job for the company and it's lack of resources and organization. I TRIED but I just couldn't. I did go back. I told them it was not the right fit. Now, I am sickened with FEAR and ANXIETY again. I have clinical depression and chronic migraine. How am I supposed to live like this? I don't know what to do anymore. I am going to keep looking and pray that something less stressful comes up for me. I am going to try to temp too. Please, everyone, please pray for me. I'm in trouble. The bad thoughts are back. If I didn't believe in God and I didn't have my pets, I wouldn't be here. Has anybody gone through something like this -- with no husband, no family to help. How did you make it through?

Hi Maree, I had another interview earlier in the week with a woman who places Admin in the medical industry. Even though I had raging migraine yesterday, I did take the software application tests and typing test. I followed-up with her and she said "you did really well on the tests" and she said that she was going to present me for a job that we talked about. It woud be great because it is close to my home and I wouldn't have to get on the freeway. Here in SoCal it takes 45 minutes to drive 7 miles (literally!). Also, I did make an appt. with a Temp-to-Perm agency. I noticed that they had HR Admin positions as well. My limiitations frighten me but I have to try. I do know that at this time in my life I am not able to take on the high-powered, high visibility corporate world. I am too fragile. I so want to get back to work though because I think the structure is going to help me. Also, I'm hoping that the migraines will lessen if I'm not worrying constantly. I have one right now - woke up with it. It really is hard to live with this disease. When the pain is in your head it's hard to do anything.
Maree - I really appreciate your words. I also need to write my little "commercial" and send it to all of my friends so they can check their company job openings. Good idea!
I'll keep you posted - I'm going to stay here and fight for a good life even though I feel like giving up.

Hi Maree - Thank you again for your words of encouragement. God gave me a feeling of PEACE today. I'm at the 11 1/2 hour but I feel peace. I haven't felt this peace in a long time - it feels really good. People like you and Lyn and everyone here at HW have helped me so much. Life is a journey, not a destination.

Hi Maree,

Unfortunately, no new developments. Today, I have to go in every 2 hours to have my eye pressure tested and I also had to endure 3 additional tests. One of them was nearly unbearable - 8 1/2 minutes (each eye) of the flashing lights only the opthamologist test is EXTREMELY BRIGHT. I'm so tired of being poked and prodded and now having my eyes dialated over and over. ouchy! This is testing for glaucoma. Around the same time my life was falling apart I tested high for glaucoma and now I have had to do a series of tests to rule it in or out. I wish I could report more on the job front. I have an appt/testing with a temp-to-perm agency tomorrow. Is anybody here in HR or manages Admin. Asst.? I would love to run my resume by you because I am afraid that I may appear to be "over qualified" and I want to know how to position myself to get hired. The truth is I can't handle the high-pressure job now but they don't need to know why. My resume reflects higher status and pay. I really want a supporting role right now where I can feel good at the end of the day.
Thanks for asking me how I am doing, maree. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks, Maree. I will bookmark this site to read tomorrow.
Sammy is snoring, Duke is purring. :)
Hope all is well with you.

Thank you, Lyn. I'm a little shaky on the job front. I revised my resume and I did get a call from an agency today. Unfortunately, I keep getting the calls from the headhunters and not the companies that hire directly. Please keep me in your prayers as the spirit leads.
God bless.