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Posted 12/13/2006 9:26 AM (GMT 0)
HI
I have been suffering from panic/anxiety with agoraphobia for the past 10 years or so.. there have been times when i have been perfectly fine for a couple of years.. I even had a job where i had to drive all around the state on a daily basis...

Now I have been debilitated for the past 2 years, ever since an on the job injury. I hurt my back pretty bad and have been out of work ever since.

about 3 months after the injury i felt the anxiety slowly start coming back... then i started haveing panic attacks again... and now i am basically imprisoned in my body living 20 miles from my family and i cannot leave the house alone without facing sever panic attacks and anxiety.

I am here because i NEED help... i am at an alltime low i am constantly crying and feeling horrible that not only myself but my wife has to deal with my disorder. It is to the point that i can not be left home alone because if she leaves i will immediatly feel the need to call an ambulance because i believe i am dying from the sheer horror the panic attack cause.. Not only am i imprisoned by it. my wife is as well.... i feel so bad....:(

I can only go within a two block radius from my house and i have to have my wife with me when i do go.. for groceries. etc...

The 20 mile gap between where I live now and my comfort zone of my family and my hometown doesnt help the situation either... it feels like a 20 mile barbed wire fence that i have to cross in order to get healing.... However i cannot leave until my house sells.... by the way.. i am selling it so i can move back home to my family and get proper medical care for my Panic disorder and my back... but ultimately my Panic disorder and Agoraphobia

I find myself sleeping as much as possible, Sleeping is an escape from the severe anxiety and panic.. i feel when i am asleep everything is fine.. untill i wake up... it takes me hours after waking up until i start feeling less anxious and more human..

I also play video games to hide and keep my mind busy... its almost like going into a little world that i dont have anxiety and i can run around all over the place without being afraid!

I dont know what to do.. my wife is starting to resent me... my brother doesnt understand it and thinks i am faking it...

HELP!!!! PLEASE!!!!
What can i do!!

I cant even get to a doctors appointment without severe anxiety and ultimately a Panic Attack
Posted 12/13/2006 10:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there and Welcome to HW
You have now made a big step by coming here and sharing your story
I too have had a bout ( only one) of agoraphobia and it was only for 2 mths
It was horrid and I am sooo sorry you (and your wife) are dealing with this
We have a few with same disorders as you on this forum .I believe we have 4 or 5 agaoraphobics I will bump the thread up for you
Ken is one and a great guy hasnt left house even to see a doctor .........in many yrs
PPL have to understand this is REAL and NO you are not faking it
Have you tried Cognitive behavioural Therapy
It works for me and it has helped others
Changes your way of thinking and helps you get your life back
There is a free online one if you want the link let me know

I just recently myself come out of a really bad Dark place felt like all I wanted to do is sit in fetal position and I was crying constanly ......I mean crying sobbing I was so afraid and I also scared my hubby and daughter this time so bad they were trying to get me to hospital
I have finaly started to come out of it
With the support of my hubby/daughter and the fantastic ppl on here
The support empathy ,understanding luv and care you will find here is unlkie any I have ever seen
We are very much a " lil Family" here looking out for one another supporting and helping each thru whatever at the time ..........
I want to welcome you to our Family
Now you will also know you are not alone
Please post often and get to know us and us you okay
I am in Ontario ,Canada EH lol.......
If you want to talk or email me all info is under name at side okay
Please take care and DO not give up
FIGHT ..........FIGHT THE BEST FIGHT EVER.........
We are here for you yeah

LYN
Posted 12/13/2006 1:47 PM (GMT 0)

Welcome to HW Irishmario...

I have never had the agoraphobia but I know what it is like to be so scared there are just no words to discribe it..to call the ambulance because you really think you are dying..to go to ER over and over again because the fear has you in a grip you can not seem to get loose from..I am so sorry you are going through this but there is hope and there is help. This web site is a great place to start. Get in the chat room because support is a powerful weapon in this fight and diversion is one tool that will amaze you. We all will be here for you there is almost always someone to chat with....Once again welcome and my prayers are with you.

Posted 12/13/2006 1:57 PM (GMT 0)

welcome get a dog as often you can stay home with it annot need your wife

valium type meds and an antidepressant should help a lot, taking thrm now?

also learn CBT and new relaxation and coping skills from agoraphobia and panic disorder self help books

benzos in a large enough dose will elt you get to docs and other important appointments, benzos are safe and very helpful but can be ahrd to get, many docs have been brainwashed to presctibe an antidepressant only

stay with us and read the other posts

a traumatic event can cause agoraphobia to return, try to remember what hekped last time by way of meds, relaxation, etc and try it again

Posted 12/13/2006 4:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi irishmario, welcome to hw! Im sorry you have had to deal with all this, and continue to have to do so. Its sad that some people think that we fake this, who in the world would want to...I wish you the best and hope you continue to post and get some of the great support that is given here, you are NOT alone in this. I agree with harry, i think some form of valium would help. It is the only way i can feel normal and get out of my house. Take care and keep your head up!!
shell
Posted 12/14/2006 2:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Irish, Welcome to Healing Well. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Can you and your wife go to couples counseling so that you can both be supported during this time. A good therapist will help you to understand each others needs and a good marriage realizes that sometimes it's 60%/40", sometimes its 90%/10%, etc.
Posted 12/14/2006 10:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Irish... welcome to healing well! :)

I'm so sorry for what you are going through *HUGS*... it's tough.. I know.

You're wife DOESN'T resent you.. she just doesn't know how to help and is probably a bit sad about it.

Here's an idea... and I know it might sound silly.. .but it's actually working for me.... get a big stuffed animal from the store... (or if you have one in your house)... EVEN name it!!! and when you're home alone just hold it under an arm and pet it when you start feeling anxious and even talk to it if need be!!!

I talk to Sila.. (the stuffed animal dog I bought to ride in the car with me so I don't have panic attacks.. I know it's silly.. but it helps... really)

I got this idea from a friend on Healing Well who also hates being alone in the car... and she had a stuffed animal with her when she had to go anywhere in the car.

So you're home alone.. and you can't take it... then you can talk to your stuffed friend... and hug it if need be.

My question is.. are you on meds? Meds might be beneficial for you... especially benzos (vallium, Ativan, Klonopin, Xanax)

I currently can only travel as far as 15 minutes from my house... a month ago I could travel 20 minutes from my house but the radius is shrinking and I'm a bit lost myself.. but it's really all about exposure therapy... maybe you could walk two blocks from your home... take a few steps outside of that comfort zone... and if it's too hard... call it a day and try again the next. Keep trying to travel a little bit farther... if you can... bring a walkman with headphones and put your favorite CD in and play some music ... and SING the songs to get your mind off the panic.

Maybe you'll end up walking even three blocks hon!!! Without realizing it!!!


I also used to sleep a lot... and I mean A LOT... like 15 hours a day.. I just never wanted to see daylight... or anything... I didn't like my life at the time.. but the meds helped change that... along with my willpower... meaning.. I made myself get outta bed or off the couch and try to do something.

Try tapping into old hobbies? I started getting into painting and drawing again recently and now I JUST love it and can't stop ... hehe

Old hobbies can be beneficial.. (and not the video games... video games don't do anything for ya.. they just rot your brain in my personal opinion)... maybe learn to cook a dessert for your wife before she gets home or something?  I don't know... I have quite a few ideas :)

*BIG HUGS*

We're all here for you!!! Please let us know how you are doing.


Twiggygal~

Posted 12/14/2006 1:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Irishmario

 

Welcome to HW. I'm sooooo sorry to hear your going thru this hun it must be devastating to you and your family. I see you have already gotten some great advise here so I will end it with come talk to us as often as you like were always here and there us usually someone in the chat rooms to talk to. Hope things get better for you soon hun.

Posted 12/14/2006 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful words of encouragement and wisdom.. I allready feel a sense that everyone here truly cares...

The past couple of days have been really hard for me..

My wife no longer respects what i have to say, As if now that i have this severe panic disorder and agoraphobia i am like a child to her and not a partner... this thought is killing me inside, She used to think i was very wise and she would come to me with her problems. asking me for support and ideas to cope with different stresses. Now she doesnt consider my thoughts... She even told me that i am at no point in my life to be giving anybody any kind of advice..

I tried telling her that i have learned coping skills and i have read a lot of things about coping with all kinds of stresses because of my disorder.... however she just doesnt seem to care what i have to say anymore...
All of this just makes me even feel worse, and less human....GRRRR

I am so depressed and i feel like my life is crumbling down around me

However, on a lighter note.. i have been checking this forum daily since i first posted and have been really enjoying all of the words you guys have sent my way. it is very much appreciated and i look forward to getting to know all of you better and i plan on posting alot more!

Thanks again!
Mario
Posted 12/14/2006 6:28 PM (GMT 0)

Twiggygal said...
Hi Irish... welcome to healing well! :)

I'm so sorry for what you are going through *HUGS*... it's tough.. I know.

You're wife DOESN'T resent you.. she just doesn't know how to help and is probably a bit sad about it.

Here's an idea... and I know it might sound silly.. .but it's actually working for me.... get a big stuffed animal from the store... (or if you have one in your house)... EVEN name it!!! and when you're home alone just hold it under an arm and pet it when you start feeling anxious and even talk to it if need be!!!

I talk to Sila.. (the stuffed animal dog I bought to ride in the car with me so I don't have panic attacks.. I know it's silly.. but it helps... really)

I got this idea from a friend on Healing Well who also hates being alone in the car... and she had a stuffed animal with her when she had to go anywhere in the car.

So you're home alone.. and you can't take it... then you can talk to your stuffed friend... and hug it if need be.

My question is.. are you on meds? Meds might be beneficial for you... especially benzos (vallium, Ativan, Klonopin, Xanax)

I currently can only travel as far as 15 minutes from my house... a month ago I could travel 20 minutes from my house but the radius is shrinking and I'm a bit lost myself.. but it's really all about exposure therapy... maybe you could walk two blocks from your home... take a few steps outside of that comfort zone... and if it's too hard... call it a day and try again the next. Keep trying to travel a little bit farther... if you can... bring a walkman with headphones and put your favorite CD in and play some music ... and SING the songs to get your mind off the panic.

Maybe you'll end up walking even three blocks hon!!! Without realizing it!!!


I also used to sleep a lot... and I mean A LOT... like 15 hours a day.. I just never wanted to see daylight... or anything... I didn't like my life at the time.. but the meds helped change that... along with my willpower... meaning.. I made myself get outta bed or off the couch and try to do something.

Try tapping into old hobbies? I started getting into painting and drawing again recently and now I JUST love it and can't stop ... hehe


Old hobbies can be beneficial.. (and not the video games... video games don't do anything for ya.. they just rot your brain in my personal opinion)... maybe learn to cook a dessert for your wife before she gets home or something? I don't know... I have quite a few ideas :)

*BIG HUGS*

We're all here for you!!! Please let us know how you are doing.


Twiggygal~


Thank you so much Twiggygal for these ideas

I will consider them all, As for the stuffed animal idea... I actually have two dogs that are very helpful for my disorder and a few cats that seem to know when i am not feeling so well..

I have been really thinking about the idea of doing more Cognitive behavioural therapy and going further each time.. i will do a post about this soon.

I actually wanted to ask you about how you are doing on Lexapro and how it was getting started on this medicine.. I am starting Lexapro in two days for the first time.. I have been on paxil and zoloft with no help really and i am on a constant dose of Klonopin... 1mg 3 times a day... the Klonpin really knows how to kick the Anxiety in the arse!! excuse my language, LOL

Anyhow thanks again for the support!
Posted 12/15/2006 11:10 AM (GMT 0)

hopefulmigrainer said...
Hi Irish, Welcome to Healing Well. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Can you and your wife go to couples counseling so that you can both be supported during this time. A good therapist will help you to understand each others needs and a good marriage realizes that sometimes it's 60%/40", sometimes its 90%/10%, etc.

Thank you hopeful..
That is really good advice.. it is important to remember that the marriage percentage changes... and not only marriage but in any relationship really..

Thanks again for your insight
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