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I truely feel hopeless :(

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Posted 2/23/2007 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
sad  I truely dont feel as though I have a friend in the world. I am afraid to live...I am afraid to die. I just feel utterly hopeless. This Anxiety/ Depression is worse and worse every day. I cant work outside my house, so I have no idea what I can do for money( was going to look into disability for mental health..but dont know how hard that is to get). I wonder if anyone knows how I feel. Most people have someone they can talk to( a close friend). I have no one. When my ex spouse left me and my two kids in 2002, I wasnt working, so I didnt have really any friends at all in whom I could confide and share things with. I live now with my mom at her place, and while we are VERY close, it is just not the same as having people my own age and with similar experiences to talk to. I feel as though nothing will ever be right again, and that I will never smile or be happy. Dont worry, I would never harm myself, as I just said..I am afraid to die confused . I just wish I had never, ever gotten these mental illnesses to begin with. What is the point??? I often think....what am I to learn from all this, but I honestly cant see anything. Everything happens for a reason..but what the reasoning is behind this..I have no idea.

Well, sorry folks that I went on and on. I just felt the need to get that off my chest. Hope no one minded. I hope you all are having a good day and God bless!!

Luv,

Dawn

Posted 2/23/2007 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there 1ofhissheep

Well, I think you may be stronger than you think..I have just read your previous post to someone else and thought to myself wow this lady is really switched on :-)

You have us to talk to now :) and we are a great family here at HW..you can vent anytime you like and I guarantee that there will be someone that has been there and done that at sometime in their lives and only too willing to help..which is fantastic!

So you are living with your mum...and trying to get back on your feet again..well done..everything takes time..but you will be well again and out enjoying life if you want to and are prepared to put in the hard yards and start being kind to yourself :) And it sounds to me like you may be getting ready for the next adventure in your life - onwards and upwards tongue

Ok, so first up are you on meds for depression? Have you been to your doc and told him how you are feeling? Have you sought out any counselling/therapy to help you along the way?

Look froward to reading your next post.

Maree

 

Posted 2/23/2007 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hello and thank you so much for replying! No , I am not on any medicines right now. I do have a prescription for Zoloft and Klonopin( both are filled but havent taken either one..too scared).Therapy is too expensive. I just simply want to enjoy life and not feel soo scared and frightened all the time. I feel alone a lot and just down. You guys are a GREAT family. I just wished I knew some of you in person!  :-) . I just dont think I was meant to be alone. I LOVE being around people..and when I am home all day( my kids are ages 11 and 14 so they are in school). I just feel worthless.

Dawn

Posted 2/23/2007 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Dawn,

I know how hard it is, I live with my husband and still most the time I can't talk to him. I don't know if it's deliberate or not but he just can't comprehend what's happening to me.

Have you tried your local community centre/ groups? I go to an arts and crafts group every fortnight for the 'mentally unwell'. It's a low cost group, everyone is supportive, there's an ex psych nurse there if you need to talk and best of all I learn lots of new craft ideas. Half the group does painting I do the hands on stuff.

We've made cards, scapbooking quote books and done some jewelery making.
Posted 2/24/2007 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
Dawn,

I could have written the exact same post...there are times that I feel exactly as you do.  Feeling so alone in this, not being able to work outside the home, no friends my age, and the questioning of what is the purpose for this in the grand scheme of things.  What I do know from experience, is that these feelings are temporary and before too long I'm back to feeling more positive and getting out there to try again.  You are not alone in this, maybe we all can't be there physically, but we are all right here waiting to hear from you and give you support.  You hang in there and let us know if you need anything else...we are always here!!!!  Hoping you feel better soon!

Jacquie

Posted 2/24/2007 2:56 AM (GMT 0)
Dawn,

Things WILL get better. I really suggest you start taking the meds as prescribed. The sooner you start, the sooner they will help. I was leary of meds too at first, but got so bad (alot like you describe) I knew I had to try them. Boy, what a difference!

If you cannot afford a therapist, there are some on-line CBT and relaxation sites you should go to. There are also books that people here recommend highly. I'd get started with them asap.

Being able to relax and get you mind away from the anxiety is a big help (and important). What works best for me is to listen to nature sounds or soothing music via headphones (makes it easier to focus solely on the music) while doing the following: lie down and get comfortable; start with your feet and tighten those muscles while taking a deep breath, hold for a couple seconds, then let your muscles relax while you exhale. Work slowly up your body tensing and releasing each muscle group (calves, thighs, buttocks, etc.) You may have to do it a few times at first, but eventually you should notice how relaxed your body is (it always amazes me how tense I was without even being aware of it!). The books and on-line sites will provide more of these type of "tools". Do it as often as you can get some uninterrupted quiet time.

Hope this helps somewhat! Take care and let us know how you're doing.
Karen
Posted 2/24/2007 5:27 AM (GMT 0)
Give your meds a try Dawn..I know it will be scarey at first, but you have nothing to lose and sooo much to gain..throw in some counselling, and a little help from your HW family and I am sure you will be feeling a Lot better..

Meds usually take 4-6 weeks to kick in properly so be a little patient..don't give up on yourself - you've made the first step by reaching out to us..well done!

Look forward to hearing from you soon :-)

Maree

Posted 2/24/2007 6:03 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Dawn.  I can understand how you are feeling because I have been where you are , myself.  I was afraid to try any medications also.  But eventually I did and it really helped.  I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and if you ever want to talk or if there is anyway I can help you, please just let me know.        Love, Natalie

Posted 2/24/2007 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Dawn I agree try the meds please
Also I read your posts and believe me you have helped out alot of ppl maybe you just dont see what we do and that is so sad
You are supportive and give good input to others all the time 'I am sorry you feel alone and w/o friends out there
Know your lil family n friends are here for you right here okay and we kinda like the person we have come to know so far
Lyn
Posted 2/25/2007 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
God bless you. I wish I could give you a great big hug. I do understand.

I was so scared to take my meds too. Then my meds were taken off the market so I can only take the generic (for Serzone) but if I didn't take them I would sit and cry all day. (I have tried it.)

You are a child of the King and I believe that He will carry you through this. As others have told me, He created doctors, nurses and medicines to help us. I put you on my prayer list.

p.s. I want to email you but there is no link on your profile.

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