Worried Mom

Hi, I am so glad to have found this forum...I guess I will just start talking.

My daughter is nine months old, and I AM on Zoloft, but had tried going off of it around the holidays (what was I thinking?) When i am not on zoloft and something worries me, I go OCD and worry obsessively until I start having panic attacks. That's why I have to stay on it, at 50 mg.

My problem now is even with the 50 mg, I continually worry about my daughter. It's so hard to figure out what is "normal worry" and what is "anxiety worry".

My biggest problem is that my mother in law, who is wonderful and amazing, lives near us and has a nine year old daughter and a boyfriend who is 43 (she is 52, not that it matters). They have been together for two years and he seems to make her happy. However, I just don't trust him, even for being around him so much and I don't know if it's me being paranoid or justified.

I have talked about this with my husband, his brother, and even his mom! It was hard for me but she was going to babysit my daughter that evening and I couldn't in good faith leave my baby with her and him when I didn't feel okay about him.

So I feel I've done all I can when there's really no huge red flag, just a couple of little ones. I just wish I could know he was a safe person- I don't care if he's weird as long as he's okay to children- how can I reassure myself, or deal with the uncertainty? We see them often and they are continually wanting to babysit- I don't want to go out much because of this and have been pretty direct with him about it (telling him to stop asking me). I think he could be just being nice, but I don't know...

Any advice?

Hi and Welcome
I was so much like you Cait NEVER was out of my site or stayed out of my bed for the first 5 yrs of her life
You are a natural worryier with OCD so this could be causing this
How about at tester here
Let them babysit and you go with hubby for a well deserved cup of coffee and talk for a half hour and go home the next time an hour and so on
THEN if you are still not "feeling" right about this talk to HIM and explain that you have "weird feelings and do not know what brings it on and could we please discuss this rationally "
I am only giving you what I would do if I had to do it all over again with Cait
Thankfully she is a well adjusted and rounded teen now
My thoughts are with yo
Glad you found us here and please stay with us
Normal is spot on we as Mom's worry constantly as do most dads......
Be well
Stay strong and come back
LYN

Thank you to the moderators for posting such supportive comments. I think I will stay a member of this forum, it just helps so much to bounce "am I crazy" ideas off of other people who might understand better than well intentioned friends and family.

The little red flags are stuff like- he has a disfunctional family life, he hangs out with the nine year old girl alot, horses around (she has many brothers and is VERY aggressive when she plays, but I still think that is not appropriate for a grown man to be doing) One time while on holiday, he was sleeping on the floor in front of my MIL's bed- she and her daughter were in it. When MIL went downstairs and had woken up, he laid in the bed where she was, face down on the pillow. This alarmed me and I told my MIL that...granted he was sick and wasn't sleeping well on the plain floor with no mattress, and came downstairs like two minutes later when the girl started watching cartoons. I guess I just think he oversteps his boundaries and want to make sure that it is safe behavior to have around my daughter, albeit she is just a baby. I have asked my MIL to make sure she is the one to do diaper changes, etc. and not him.

I have talked to the nine year nonchalantly just to see what she thought of this guy and she seems comfortable with him. She doesn't seem to be inappropriate with him or afraid of him. In fact, when they first started dating, (MIL and boyfriend) I noticed that the girl's behavior improved. And the boyfriend has asked MIL about putting her daughter in therapy- I guess why would he do that if he was not okay? (part of me just can't trust though- and I desperately want to feel okay about this but it's not that easy). I wish there was a way I could just know and accept his presence in our lives. I have been making an effort to get to know him better as a result.

Thanks for any help !