HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Sobriety and the bottle I lived in

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic locked
1 23 4
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 3/14/2007 4:27 AM (GMT 0)
Lyn, thankyou so much for sharing your story. It is very hard to do that on a forum where people already know you so well, but like everyone else I respect you even more now (if that's possible) and I will carry your brave story and hopefully a little of your strength with me all the way to AA tonight so I can tell the beginning of my own journey.
Much love and thanks xxxx
Posted 3/14/2007 7:04 PM (GMT 0)
THat has made my day sweetie thanks I have tears running down my face I was so hoping that you would read before your first AA metting and get an idea of the " real raw Unabridge LYN as a drinker"
now you know why I do not touch the stuff and dont like it near me it has killed alot of my friends family as well as some of my braincells
I needed to share praying I would help one person
Let me know how tonight goes
****Remember first timers ( and there will be more than you **** )are scared to so reach out take their hand and say hello
Once you start you story it just pours out of you and that is the part of healing that STARTS right there..IMHO
I will be thinking praying and keeping you in my herat sweetie.......
One Day At A Time.......Believe in self I most surely do
Thanks and love ya
Sis in Sobriety
Posted 3/14/2007 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
Twiggy
I hope you will see that we are here for you
Posted 3/15/2007 9:21 PM (GMT 0)
Megs
Just letting you know I am here for you havent read emails yet so I dont know if ya sent one
I was with you in Spirit last night sweetie
I am so bleeding proud of you so should you be by taking that first GIANT step
Kudos and keep me posted please it is a hard road BUT I know you ahave it in u and you have us all pulling for you
LUVS YA
LYN
Sis in Sobriety
Posted 3/15/2007 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
The only way to see thinks is to keep the eyes and mind open!

Hope to yak in the AM
Posted 3/16/2007 9:11 PM (GMT 0)
I did get up but had no time to phone had to get to docs
Howies school chum found dead in his bed yesterday so he is coming here to go to the funeral from other place Sunday as they were real tight and I am going with him for support
I owe him that at least ya know
Tomorrow not a good day for me and moms passin anni is on Tues so I am a total ball of emotions and stress right now
Dad should be home from hospital MOday as well so...........
PHEW......I may need to be rescusitated
I despise March to many skeletons literlaly
MSN is down and I got to get these done so I will call you sometime tomorrow for sure k
Luvs ya
MOM out
Posted 3/16/2007 9:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hang in there...glad to hear dad will be comming home...You can do it! You know it...Remember we/I love you and we/I are here from you.
Posted 3/16/2007 9:28 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks lil one
I do know that
It justs bloody hurts ya know
Feel like I have no tears left yet I know I do
Will yak at ya tomorrow k
Howie will be going to funeral and I am going with him for support really broke up over this
LOVE YA
MOM OUT
Posted 3/16/2007 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
I know it hurts...You will be ok...I might be heading south (pauls) tomorrow depending on weather so if you dont get me home try cell...will be thinking bout you...
Posted 3/16/2007 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
okay lil one I will do the cell thing k am back later in the afternoon after seeing dad....then because it is St.Paddy's day I hide out the rest of day .just might need emotional support eh
Love ya
Mom out
Posted 3/16/2007 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
I am here for you
Posted 3/17/2007 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Will be getting or trying to get ahold of you kk
Luvs ya
Mom out
Posted 3/17/2007 8:51 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry I haven't been around.

I'm trying to pretend that no problem exists.



Not even close to the truth.


I am just getting worse by the day.


I started dating a man but he is a terrible drunk that I met at a bar and he is nothing but poison for me, so I have thus stopped talking to him. He called me three times yesterday; I did return his calls today, but haven't heard from him, and don't really want to, as he isn't a nice man at all.

I can only say to you all that I am sorry I haven't been around. Everything is falling apart so quickly with the drinking. I cannot get up in the morning, or get up for work, or get up at decent hours, and I drink and drink and drink.

I am just depressed about my life and my agorophobia and not being able to go anywhere; that I pretend it doesn't exist by drinking. I am jealous of those who can travel SO far and yet I can hardly handle getting in the car with anyone and can't even imagine stepping foot into a mall again comfortably.

*sighs*

My life is not what I ever imagined it would be. I am a prisoner, and to escape I drink I have figured out.

I have my doubts that I will ever get better.

I have my doubts that I can beat my disorder. The bottle is much more comforting; but the tears still fall late at night when I am alone.

I guess all I can do is reach out to you all, and pray for some kind of hope.

Is there hope?

TG~
Posted 3/17/2007 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
TWIGGY
REALLY read my story over again please
YES there is hope and there is help that bottle is NOT your friend you have friends here you need to connect with for sure
It really took alot of my guts being ripped open and putting it all out there and today is the day he died thats in the story
BUT I am here and I am not drinking
I have had my career and now I face illnesses and uncertaincies with that,yet I am sober
I DONT hugg the bottle though I need to have tangible proof that love is here and it is
I am going to go hug my daughter right now and ya know even with the week from hades I am going to count my blessings there are many more now that I can count as oppssed to the ones when drinking Hell I never drew a sober breath to know what a blessing was
Today I do and I count them over and over again knowing I DID IT
YOU can too
God Bless..............
Posted 3/18/2007 11:32 AM (GMT 0)
rough times my dear for me and my sis...

ROUGH times

Please pray for my sister.. I cannot go into detail. ... but it is not good.

Please if anyone cares out there... for leemarpor... aka my sister.... please pray for her... she is much more depressed and anxious than I am about our illness... and we drink to escape...
I had to sit with her tonight for a long time... even tho she told me not to come over.. I found a way to her house and then walked home... I love my sister... we cannot help that we have this disorder...
BUT THERE HAS TO BE AN ANSWER
Posted 3/18/2007 3:19 PM (GMT 0)
The answer to this sweetie is WITHIN for both of you
LYN
Posted 3/20/2007 10:15 AM (GMT 0)
BUT LYNN... i have not found the answer in over 12 years and neither has she. What more can we do?

I am torn, and it is frustrating to feel so alone in this battle, but what more can I do?

She had suicidal tendencies a few days ago and that's why I went to her house; to calm her down and to help her just sleep. I have the same feelings everyday but cannot act on them that the way she did.

I could never hurt myself physically. I only feel the pain mentally.

I wonder which is more hurtful? Which digs into the soul more? Physical pain or mental pain? I have yet to decide, but since the physical pain leaves nothing upon my mind; and the mental plays a much larger part; or rather the majority... .I am going to go with teh mental pain.

I don't know how much longer I can deal with this Lynn, ie; the drinking, the anxiety, the panic disorder. It all feels too hopeless.

Why can't there just be a cure?

Why can't we just escape from these awful incessant thoughts? There has to be AN ANSWER and yet no one seems to have it and this I found most frustrating. This is what weighs heavily upon my mind at night when I am alone, drinking.

Lynn, I am asking for you to just be there for me; and you have; and I appreciate it. I love you Lynn, and I love everyone else that has been there for me.

Sometimes life is just too much, but I am learning to deal with it.

I am sorry that I had not been around in a while... my mind was somewhere else... somewhere far far away that I cannot explain.

I will be online soon again.

~TG
Posted 3/20/2007 11:51 AM (GMT 0)
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to WANT to change. You say you want to change yet you have done nothing at all to change ...If you do things the way you always have you will get the same results...For the change you see you need to overhaul your life...AA, Therapy, Support, etc. No one can do it for you, there is no magic pill, YOU are both the problem and solution...Take the steps needed and you will do it like others before you have....if something hasnt worked in the past either it wasnt the right thing or you didnt commit to it enough. You need to make the commitment to you to do it and you will. Many have recovered before you and many will after you. it is your CHOICE!
Posted 3/20/2007 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
I totally agree Twiggy
It was not as easy as it seems I wrote it to be stopping I was bad and I hit bottom I had to find a way
I crawled drunk to an AA meeting and I barely heard the stories nor saw the ppl BUT I was there
Every day was H*** but I dragged myself back and kept going thru the w/d the dry heaves, the shakes ,the hallucinations, the vomitting,and my skin crawling feeling like I had body lice
I had to do this or DIE
Its that simple I had to do it and I did and you can to but you are choosing the demon on your shoulder telling you its ok to pity and say you cannot find the answer
YOU can if you really want it
I hear you going down fast real fast and it scares me
Please do get into detox and go from there do you have no family that sees you like this ??
Your friend needs help and sorry to say this BUT you are not the one to help her at all
How can you help someone WHEN you cannot help yourself
Get it hun you are sick you are drinking too much ....too much and you are on a rollercoaster to H***
You have a phone and a voice tell them you want help immediately and you will get it
Detox right now IMO is your only option if you want the help you state you do
I am here for you but I am here for you to support you well getting some help on the road to recovery
Please do something okay
LUVS
LYN
Posted 3/21/2007 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
No detox Lyn.
We already discussed that.
Can't do it. Won't do it.
Posted 3/21/2007 5:24 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Lyn (((everyone))), sorry for the delay in replying but I have been in detox, it was the best thing for me to get over that one week "arrrghhhh!!!!!" feeling of powerlessness.  It wasn't fun but I have a few people holding my hand now and I feel a bit better in the head.  Thanks again for your honesty Lyn, it really pushed me into recovery.  I hope I can share my story one day and help someone out.  For now I'm just going to concentrate on getting sane. And twiggy, I'm on your team sweetie, I found valium helped with the hallucinations and lemonade with the shakes/nausea/sweats.  Stay as strong as you are.

Hugs xx 'n more hugs

Posted 3/21/2007 7:01 AM (GMT 0)
Twiggy,
I don't know your history and this is not an attack on you in any way but I would like to share a little of my experience of not going through detox. I was very stubborn. And still am.
So I know where you are coming from when you say no detox; BUT, I wished I had..because I went through six years of severe anxiety and panic attacks, because I chose not to go through detox. I am only telling you this because I was just like you and said no I am not going. But PLEASE!! hear me 20 years later. I started with the bottle when I was 12. Then I went to other stuff because the bottle was no more helpful, trying to drown the aweful things I have been through, and the things that had happened to me...I mean it didn't fix me. Just put a band aid on it, but the wounds would not heal. 20 years ago my body just gave out. I hope you don't go that route because it's very ugly, if you think it's ugly now..just wait..if you don't get help..NOW. When you go through detox, they help you not only get through the withdrawls, but help you with the real problem behind the drinking..or whatever. Today I am a sick person, because I did not deal with the issues in my life that have crippled me..all because I chose to not get the help I needed. I don't drink or use illegal drugs as of 20 years ago but I didn't get the counseling thing out of the way. So I bottled it all it up inside. I have been depressed for all them years. So I ended up with the anxieties to this day but not as severe..I am agouraphobic,(spelling) I can't leave my house so the couseling thing will be a biggy for me but I want to get well, I have very bad intestinal problems which lead to fibro(I believe) and then my RA. I really believe this. Today...I am on a antidepressant for the depression and going to start counseling soon. Just started the anti -d last Friday. These wonderful people on this forum really care for you so much. If you can't do it for yourself than do it for your sister. She needs YOU!! You need you!! ...Please take all the advice from here and go get some help. Many blessings to you.
Lori
Posted 3/21/2007 12:35 PM (GMT 0)
Lori
THANKS so much for your love and support here it is needed and I was like you no detox either and here I sit at 53 with crohns and a/p and a host of other DD I cant count
I went to AA as you prolly read in my story
I have been sober since 79
I wrote this story in hopes it would help someone
I am so HAPPY it did and others are now giving testament to what the booze did to them
Please dont be a stranger here k ..sorry for all you are dealing with but glad you shared with us
We are all here for one another..thanks again ...........
LYN
Posted 3/21/2007 12:52 PM (GMT 0)
My sweet Megs ya did it so happy for you I am really proud of you for going the distance you have shown your strong side and did what you set out to do
I am sure it was no picnic at detox never been there myself have seen others in tho

I know it is hard to do what you did

I figured something was up when I had not heard from you

Know that you have the love support and total backing of me and many others here

Pride Yourself in the road to Recovery sweetie ..........

Always here for you and yes we need to support those in need and want help all round ...



I know that one day not this early you will be here to tell your story and for that I am truly happy

You sweet Meg have made my day the first day of Spring

New Beginnings

New Wonders

New Reasons to Live

Re New(ed) Faith ........



You take care and be well and member you have that online sponsor here for you

Luvs ya

Sis in Sobriety
Posted 3/21/2007 12:53 PM (GMT 0)
Twiggy I cannot force you to get help I can only worry that your not getting help will lead to bigger and worse problems
Nothing to be ashamed of in Detox and you can leave IF you dont want to be there
Up to you
I am here
Lyn
✚ New Topic locked
1234