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Posted 2/14/2007 5:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Guys,

I found a really inspiring message that made me cry . . .in a good way.

I'm pasting someone else's words, It's not my own, but I would love to feel like this person.

No Picnic In Sight
by Eric Shapiro

Upon being diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, I saw the reality behind the greatest myth of mental illness, the myth that The Victim Is Unaware of His or Her Own Condition. A childhood flooded with media depictions of the mentally ill had lead me to believe that the afflicted had somehow been robbed of their objectivity, thrown into a dark hall-of-mirrors beyond the realm of rational perspective.

Nonsense. My rational mind remained intact, albeit uncomfortably so. From the lighter corner of my mind, I watched darkness flow in. Obsessive images of violence and amorality. Urges, or rather, "pseudo-urges" to do things I didn't want to. Yin (the rational mind) duking it out with yang (the imbalanced, irrational mind) on a daily basis. The word "Hell" was used often when describing this state.

I'm certain that the suffering of many leads to punctured objectivity and the loss of rational self-awareness. Fortunately, I remained aware. No matter how awful I felt, I could at least articulate what was going on. The power of descriptive articulation should not be underestimated. It keeps the disorder in context as a disorder, preserving a firm boundary between the right mind and the ill mind. For me, imagining such a boundary was a vital survival tool. I focused on finding a day when Yin overran Yang, so to speak.

The afflicted mind has difficulty inspiring itself to seek assistance. What a complex entity the mind is; even in sickness, it has only itself to rely upon. Unlike somebody with a broken leg, a person with an anxiety disorder cannot lean on his or her other mind. Overcoming mental duress is like trying to kiss your own lips. Quite tricky, but possible with enough imagination.

Imagination and resourcefulness, that's what it comes down to. These strange ailments go just as they came. I knew that elements of my mind were strong; the challenge was getting these elements to positively influence the weaker ones. This required many analysts, many appointments, many schools of healing. Psychology, psychiatry, homeopathy, reflexology, reiki, energy healing-- these were all thrown in the pot to little avail. Finally and unexpectedly, acupuncture provided balance. I've improved significantly. I thank acupuncture and I thank my supportive family, but, most importantly, I thank counter-mythology: even when afflicted, the human mind sees itself. And in itself, it sees solutions.
Posted 6/21/2007 5:24 PM (GMT 0)

WOW!  I am so glad I found you all!  I am 29 yr old female, getting my PhD.  I started having panic attacks when I was in undergrad.  After experimenting with drugs, which was not a good idea, my symptoms became worse.  Whenever I have a panic attack, I feel like I am on drugs and think I am going to go crazy and be put in a crazy home.  I have been on prozac, effexor, pazil, and buspar.  Buspar and Effexor seem to do the trick now, though I still have anxiety.  I know when I start getting anxious, as I start getting really paranoid that everyone can tell and knows I am anxious.  I can usually do some relaxation techniques to call myself down before I have a full blown attack.  I havent had a full attack in about 1.5 yrs...which is great for me!  Learning to relax is the best thing you can do for yourself.  When I want to relax, I get into the bathtub, and YES with bubbles...read a magazine, nothing thought provoking.  I make some chamomile tea...as I dont dare drink caffine with my anxiety...lol  I would go crazy!  I have been reassurred by many doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc that YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY!!!  Crazy people dont know they are crazy.  Anxiety sufferers have an accute higher since of perception(senses, etc) and are super sensitive to the slightest thing...your heart beating faster, tension in the room, etc.  They only thing that will come out of anxiety is a panic attack.  Then its over.  You may be frightened for a day or two...maybe even a week...but thats it.

I remember going to my general physician telling him I think I was schitsophrinic. (spelling). He said do you see things?  I said no.  He said do you hear things?  I said no.  He said does anyone in your family have it?  I said no.  He said...why do you think this?  I said I saw something on tv...blah blah blah.... He said no, you dont have this...you are an anxious person and most anxious people are hypocondriacts...as they think they have everything under the sun becuase they worry endlessley.  I cant tell you what a sigh of relief that was, though I still look up the symptoms when I am anxious.  Sometimes I feel I can manifest in my head that I might even have the symptoms...but I dont.  You are not going crazy.  Crazy people dont know they are going crazy.  Thats the difference. :)

Hope this helps!  I know reading all of your posts did!

Posted 7/10/2007 6:23 PM (GMT 0)
I am also glad I found you all even if the posts seem a little old. I also have this fear of going crazy even though I have it for 10 years now with a clear diagnosis of panic disorder and guess what : I never went crazy... I just fear it. I think this is really the worst panic symptom ever because when you have other symptoms, lets say choking feeling, you fear but when you breath again you are ok. You just go for an asthma check and you know you dont have a breathing problem. But when I have those "going crazy" panic attacks I feel shaken for WEEKS after because I always feel like I am on the verge of losing it completly.
Posted 7/10/2007 10:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi and welcome. I wish you a good stay here. I am Kitt.

Please look around and post as you feel comfortable. Feel free to ask any questions you may have about the site. I am glad you found this post as you can see your not the only one that feels they are going "crazy"

I hope you stay with us and keep posting.

We love to welcome new members to the A & P forum.
Posted 7/19/2007 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone, I just wanted to add my story as maybe it will help someone because I sure know reading other people's stories here have helped me immensely! I am 21, have always been very shy and introverted, I took a lot of drugs of all different types, hated going out anywhere and have a lot of problems at home, ironically enough.

It all started when my friend went crazy while we were on LSD. I took it well though I was a little traumatized and very guilty feeling. He got way better, better than ever in fact. Later he started messing up again, started doing drugs again, and he went crazy yet again and attacked me and my house for no reason other than I was there at the time (he was really heading to his house to attack his mom). Well they arrested him but let him right out since he was mentally ill... He threatened me and it gave me a lot of fear and anxiety like none I had ever experienced. I felt mentally ill or something but I couldn't explain the feeling. I know now that it was an anxiety attack of some sort. More of these fear/attacks came around when something really bad happened like fights at home (dysfunctional family here) or thinking something was wrong with me mentally.

One day I was going to breakfast with my family and I had major anxiety, so bad I didn't want to go. But I forced myself to and in the car I had a huge panic attack. I still went and ate, though I was feeling horrible. I tried to ignore it as I did the other times, but the fact that I thought something was very wrong with me made it stronger each day until one time I felt like I couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go to the hospital. I didn't want to be branded as crazy so I looked for any medication I could take to at least get through the day until I could see a physician. I took benzodiazepam and it knocked the feeling right out of the ballpark. I was so relieved and happy but I went to see the physician the next day anyway and I got prescribed klonopin.

Anyway, since then I've been a mess, mostly because I don't want to be dependent on any drugs. I get better, than worse, then better, then worse than ever. Mostly it's my thoughts bothering me. Fear of going crazy, fear of being schizophrenic like my friend and grandmother, my mood making me think negative things. I watch every thought and every action and I get scared about everything I do and everything I think. I have weird thoughts like if theres a gun on TV I get scared because I was thinking about suicide at one point, sick thoughts that I don't even want to share because it's just humiliating to talk about, and I imagine myself having schizophrenic symptoms like if I hear a noise I'll think "Oh crap, am I experiencing an auditory hallucination?," or I watch what I do and see if it relates to someone schizophrenic I know... All this, simply because I know it scares me. Sometimes I wake up feeling very anxious because of the racing thoughts one gets after waking up or from a bad dream. I invent new symptoms and new things to fear on a daily basis. It is the most torturous thing in the world. I know that I am not going crazy, as I have spoken with people about this and read stories here and there, and they all tell the same tale: fear is driving the whole thing. But I can't help it... It's like I have post traumatic stress disorder about the anxiety attacks themselves and some depression over it as well. This also seems to be related a lot to OCD symptoms.

Anyway, this forum is amazing and all your stories have helped me immensely. I wish I could convince myself that this whole thing never happened because I know I'd get better in no time. However, this experience has changed me for the better and I take it as a blessing. I am not planning to do drugs ever again, I am changing my introversion, I am loving and appreciating life a lot more, and many other things. I hope you all can take this blessing from the experience as well. I know that when I stop fearing my thoughts I can move on.

Here is an article that also helped me a lot, I really encourage everyone to read it! http://searchwarp.com/swa58493.htm

I also recommend everyone get into meditation as it can train your mind to be at peace and stop thinking so much. The brain is an organ and it can definitely be manipulated physiologically, studies have shown monks to have escelated connections formed in the part of their brain that gives a sense of peace. Another thing that helps me is to laugh at how silly I am for fearing certain thoughts... Easier said than done, I know, but it helps take the fear out of the thoughts. Also whenever you feel the anxious feelings or scared of your thoughts, tell yourself "it's just adrenaline" because that's really all it is and the only reason your mind keeps having the thoughts is because you fear them. Also, remember that crazy people are out of touch with reality and that this disorder we have is much more related to intelligence and awareness.

You do not have to live like this, you can take control of your mind! It does not have to control you! Fight back! Much love and blessings.

Post Edited (LifeChange) : 7/19/2007 2:15:57 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/26/2007 9:27 AM (GMT 0)
I know this discussion took place a long time ago, but is anyone still here? Anyone suffering from similar symptoms? Please could you let me know. I am in desperate need of reassurance.

Thanks
Posted 7/26/2007 9:56 AM (GMT 0)
I found a very helpful article on this topic (particularily fear of Schizophrenia).

If you are interested it can be found here: http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/fear_of_schizophrenia.asp
Posted 8/3/2007 8:25 PM (GMT 0)

hello everyone

i have had anxiety problems for a long time. I have never been diagnosed but i am sure i am a hypochondriac. i can hear of a disease that someone has and if that disease scares me then i normally end up thinking (beleiving) i have it too. i have done this for a long time.about 10 months ago my husbands aunt was dieing with ms. i contracted the symptoms and had anxiety attacks of and on for two weeks much of the time where i couldn't even eat and lost 10 pounds. i went to the Dr. and was put on paxil. it helped but because of side affects they switched me to prozac. i didn't have any luck with it so after 2 months my Dr. thought i could show signs of bipolar (which i don't think i have). she put me on zyprexa i took it 3.5 weeks and gained 17 pounds and retained water like crazy i decided since i was fairing pretty good i would go off all meds, which was a HUGE mistake. after about a week my symptoms came back worse than ever. instead of being afraid of a physical disease this time i have been tripping out over going crazy and developing phycosis or something. i think i get it under control then i wake up thinking am i hearing a voice? my worst fear is going crazy and harming my kids like andrea yates or something. and again i have lost my appetite losing weight. does anyone else do this? i have just started taking paxil agian the past 4 days. does anyone have any comments to help me?

Hello, This is Kitt.  I started you your own thread by copying this post, you will find it easily :)

This will make it better for people to find your posts.

Bless you

Kitt


Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/3/2007 5:36:06 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/4/2007 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Ok this has honestly been the most helpful place I have found since I have begun feeling this way.  Thank you everyone so much for sharing your stories because it is so much scarier thinking you are the only person feeling this way.  I have always had problems with panic and fear but this new fear of going crazy is really taking a major toll on my life and I have begun to feel hopeless.  My fear began after some drug experimentation which I have read has happened to many others in this forum.  I started having the worst panic attacks when i would get stoned, and also if i took any type of amphetamines.  obviously i have stopped using all those things but i still get scared i'm just going to lose it... at this point i even have the fear that i am becoming paranoid, does anyone else feel like that ever? i am getting counseling and on lexapro and klonopin but they dont always seem to be helping... but i guess i hafta wait and see. 

Hello, This is Kitt.  I started you your own thread by copying this post, you will find it easily :)

This will make it better for people to find your posts.

Bless you

Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/4/2007 10:01:57 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/7/2007 8:20 PM (GMT 0)

LifeChange said...
Hi everyone, I just wanted to add my story as maybe it will help someone because I sure know reading other people's stories here have helped me immensely! I am 21, have always been very shy and introverted, I took a lot of drugs of all different types, hated going out anywhere and have a lot of problems at home, ironically enough.

It all started when my friend went crazy while we were on LSD. I took it well though I was a little traumatized and very guilty feeling. He got way better, better than ever in fact. Later he started messing up again, started doing drugs again, and he went crazy yet again and attacked me and my house for no reason other than I was there at the time (he was really heading to his house to attack his mom). Well they arrested him but let him right out since he was mentally ill... He threatened me and it gave me a lot of fear and anxiety like none I had ever experienced. I felt mentally ill or something but I couldn't explain the feeling. I know now that it was an anxiety attack of some sort. More of these fear/attacks came around when something really bad happened like fights at home (dysfunctional family here) or thinking something was wrong with me mentally.

One day I was going to breakfast with my family and I had major anxiety, so bad I didn't want to go. But I forced myself to and in the car I had a huge panic attack. I still went and ate, though I was feeling horrible. I tried to ignore it as I did the other times, but the fact that I thought something was very wrong with me made it stronger each day until one time I felt like I couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go to the hospital. I didn't want to be branded as crazy so I looked for any medication I could take to at least get through the day until I could see a physician. I took benzodiazepam and it knocked the feeling right out of the ballpark. I was so relieved and happy but I went to see the physician the next day anyway and I got prescribed klonopin.

Anyway, since then I've been a mess, mostly because I don't want to be dependent on any drugs. I get better, than worse, then better, then worse than ever. Mostly it's my thoughts bothering me. Fear of going crazy, fear of being schizophrenic like my friend and grandmother, my mood making me think negative things. I watch every thought and every action and I get scared about everything I do and everything I think. I have weird thoughts like if theres a gun on TV I get scared because I was thinking about suicide at one point, sick thoughts that I don't even want to share because it's just humiliating to talk about, and I imagine myself having schizophrenic symptoms like if I hear a noise I'll think "Oh crap, am I experiencing an auditory hallucination?," or I watch what I do and see if it relates to someone schizophrenic I know... All this, simply because I know it scares me. Sometimes I wake up feeling very anxious because of the racing thoughts one gets after waking up or from a bad dream. I invent new symptoms and new things to fear on a daily basis. It is the most torturous thing in the world. I know that I am not going crazy, as I have spoken with people about this and read stories here and there, and they all tell the same tale: fear is driving the whole thing. But I can't help it... It's like I have post traumatic stress disorder about the anxiety attacks themselves and some depression over it as well. This also seems to be related a lot to OCD symptoms.

Anyway, this forum is amazing and all your stories have helped me immensely. I wish I could convince myself that this whole thing never happened because I know I'd get better in no time. However, this experience has changed me for the better and I take it as a blessing. I am not planning to do drugs ever again, I am changing my introversion, I am loving and appreciating life a lot more, and many other things. I hope you all can take this blessing from the experience as well. I know that when I stop fearing my thoughts I can move on.

Here is an article that also helped me a lot, I really encourage everyone to read it! http://searchwarp.com/swa58493.htm

I also recommend everyone get into meditation as it can train your mind to be at peace and stop thinking so much. The brain is an organ and it can definitely be manipulated physiologically, studies have shown monks to have escelated connections formed in the part of their brain that gives a sense of peace. Another thing that helps me is to laugh at how silly I am for fearing certain thoughts... Easier said than done, I know, but it helps take the fear out of the thoughts. Also whenever you feel the anxious feelings or scared of your thoughts, tell yourself "it's just adrenaline" because that's really all it is and the only reason your mind keeps having the thoughts is because you fear them. Also, remember that crazy people are out of touch with reality and that this disorder we have is much more related to intelligence and awareness.

You do not have to live like this, you can take control of your mind! It does not have to control you! Fight back! Much love and blessings

I can definatley relate to you so much, I was sitting here reading your post, I can't believe it I do so many of the same things as you, its like your mind just wont stop everything scares you anything you read or watch brings fear its like your in a constant state of anxiety all the time! I as well have checked out the site you posted its very helpful to read, maybe if i read it enough times it might finally sink in! I would love to chat more and share thanks for posting its so very helpful  Jen

Posted 8/7/2007 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxiety_worrying_thoughts.html very helful website! Take care everyone Jen
Posted 8/15/2007 10:56 AM (GMT 0)

wow,

jen i was just reading ure article below and it sounds so familiar to myself i have just suffered a hudge anxiety attack with all of the symtoms you have described below, i was wandering if there was any way i could email you for more of your thought and advice.

For example did you suffer from insomnia as well?

Posted 8/15/2007 11:03 AM (GMT 0)
hey guys i just posted a thread but i dont know where it has come up, can any one help me?
Posted 8/15/2007 2:20 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Charlie,

Is your post  right above this one, the thread to Jen? Otherwise it did not get posted on this thread .

Welcome and you will find many members on the site to talk and visit with, so please browse the forums and post where you are comfortable.

Again a Warm welcome and stay with us.

Posted 8/16/2007 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
 Hey Charlie Its Jen sorry i haven't replied sooner absolutely my email is [email protected] anytime love to chat!
Posted 8/16/2007 4:55 PM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

Message from Kitt for newbies :) You guys are doing wonderful posting to other members.

At the top  of this page on left hand side if you click on control panel it will open up your profile and you can add your email in there. You can then make it open to forums and blue envelope in forums will light up. Then you can just click on the envelope and you will go right to members email address.

It is of course your decision on how you want to post your email. Just a suggestion.

Thanks and have a really great day.

Posted 8/16/2007 6:42 PM (GMT 0)
thanks so much kitt haven't had a chance to play around and figure things out! has anyone read from panic to power by Lucinda Bassett? I was thinking about getting it!
Posted 8/16/2007 7:50 PM (GMT 0)

I have seen her name on the site so I know members are reading her.  I have not myself but I am sure someone will respond. 

I am so glad to have you on board. :) We love new members . We love all the members. Any problems or issues just shoot me an email.

Posted 9/14/2007 9:20 PM (GMT 0)
I suffer from anxiety attacks and they scare me to death. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. They had gotten better and now they are back full blown. They are taking over my daily life. What's really bad is recently I had a bad attack and during that attack the thought got in my head that what if I'm some crazy person and I go crazy and hurt my husband. Ever since that night I can't get that out of my head. How i could even think of that and now that fear has just taken over me. I'm such a nice person and don't feel i could ever hurt anyone but now I have this fear that I'm going to turn crazy. I just live in a constant state of anxiety. i try to settle myself down but you all know how hard that can be. I think I'm going to go talk to a therapist and see if they can help me. I'm glad I found this site, it really helps to hear I'm not alone and other people experience what I'm going through. My family tries to be supportive but they don't understand what I am going through. If anybody has any advice that would help me I would love to hear it! I don't want to have to live this way for the rest of my life.
Posted 9/14/2007 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi panic girl. Anxiety is horrible, and I think all of us know how you are feeling. I hope Im not projecting, but here are some tips I find helpfull. (1) Exercise by doing 30 minutes of cardio atleast 3 times a week. This will really help get out some of the nervous energy that happens when your body goes into flight, (2) find a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy - they will help expose you to many of the things that you fear so that they dont cause so much anxiety, as well as help you understand whats going on in your head (i.e, thoughts are just random and your reading into them to the point your bodie's defense mechanism is going into a state of flight), (3) practice deepbreathing relaxation techniques daily to calm down, and (4) practice some distraction techniques (i find socialization helpful) so that your not thinking about this all the time. Im not a therapist by anymeans and you should definitely talk to a medical professional that can make an appropriate diagnosis, but these are some of the techniques i have been using to deal with my panic/anxiety.
Posted 9/16/2007 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
panicgirl - you're surrounded by a crowd of folks that know exactly what you're going through - because they've been there themselves!

You're NOT going crazy or losing your mind.

I like ocd2010's remarks. I would add that you should consider seeing a psychiatrist in combination with the other suggestions.
Posted 9/17/2007 7:52 PM (GMT 0)
I believe this thread is fantastic and needs to be continued ...........it is supporting many and thats what HW is all about ......

Would the next poster please start a post on Part 2 of this and we can keep this coming to front for others

Thanks all

LYN
Posted 9/28/2007 5:13 AM (GMT 0)

PLEASE READ _ MIGHT BE HELPFULL TO ALL OF YOU IN NEED

I am in the same boat with all of you.

Here is my take:

We have all i'm sure have found ways that at some point have helped us feel good, or at times even forget about our anxiety and horrible thoughts for weeks, even months, but then at one point it comes back. Do you want to know why? at least this is my logic.

the answer most of the time is: lack of commitment to yourself and your solution. If you find a solution that makes you feel good and it is "a healthy approach" not drugs but good things like: healthy eating, meditation, martial arts, running, working out (there are so many. it can be one or a combination), YOU HAVE to keep doing that or them "Everyday" or as manytimes a week as you can manage. even if you can only fit 3 times a week in your scheduel, then be it, but do it! for years to come. If it is a  good habbit why not keeping it for your entire life?? if it's a bad habbit however, drop it like it's hot! dont be obssesive with things that are destructive to you, (for example, watching horror movies or doing drugs, and other things that "you know what they are"). I'm sure we all have done something that keeps us away from our thoughts. Then we do that for a while and then we get excited and say ok! i'm healed. and then start the bad habbits again. Sleeping late, eating bad, no meditation, no exercise. And when the panic attack or anxiety hits, after a period of having excellent healthy mind, it really freaks you out! so dont do that to yourself. I know there are so many other things to do a day. but what's more important. Our health or "other things". When you find a solution, or at least think you have, stick with it. everyday. if it works out, dont drop it, EVER. keep going and i'm sure the problem will solve it self. If a solution doesnt work out, "dont give up". Find another solution. I'm sure everyone will find one. I have unfortunatly been the lazy one. I find something good and when i feel good for a while, I start my bad habbits and as soon i do the bad habbits I get hit by anxiety just for not controlling myself when I knew I could or could have prevent it. DONT do something that "YOU KNOW" will make you suffer later. From tomorrow i'm going to start my good habbits again and i "will" stick with them unless life circumstances come in my way which is understanble and I would still continue my habbits along or after dealing with the circumstances. Dont make up excuses for yourself to not do your "good habbits". Set them as your life priority. It shouldnt though be something that needs like 10 hours of your day. if it does, break it down so it wouldnt affect your normal healthy life. Remember you want to heal your self, not to creat more drama by coming up with somethingnthat stops you from socialzing with your friends and family or to go to work, or school, or study, or whatever your life is. That's why, you are the only one who can help yourslef in the end. Because you know what makes you feel good and what works out best with your life. Always seek out for help or assitance at hardtimes but ultimatly it is you who "will" heal yourself. every single one of us can. it "only" needs commitment.

We can stop the fear, our mind is much more powerful when it comes to goodness, one happy thought, and you feel full of joy! think positive and your will power will help you. It comes with practice, with consistency. live healthy, and commit to yourself and to your good habbits. It's alot of work but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do! drop your bad habbits at once and never go back to them. Love yourself, if you make a mistake, forgive yourself like you forgive others.

This thread has been great.

with love,

K.

Post Edited (nofear_IS_doable) : 9/27/2007 11:24:03 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/29/2007 3:33 PM (GMT 0)
thats really good advice and i agree with what you are saying. I think a lot of us (well I can only speak for myself) get stuck, and it is really hard to get going again. It's hard to push forward sometimes, cause i fear what lies a head. My conscious mind knows that pushing forward is the best thing, but sometimes i just cant. I get stuck in the cycle of anxiety. Sometimes i put myself into situations that i know in the past have caused me anxiety, yet i still put myself in those situations. I am learning each time, and really trying to work through my situation in the most productive / healthy ways. Once my back is better i want to definitely exercise more. That always seems to help relieve some of the anxiety.

Take care
dan
Posted 9/29/2007 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
nofear_IS_doable

Good Morning and Welcome to Healing Well. I am Kitt and I hope you enjoy your stay with us.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I am glad you have had success.  Keep posting.

Again a warm welcome.

 

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