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ZERO SEX DRIVE ! (none, nada, less than zero, negative)

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Posted 10/4/2007 5:54 PM (GMT 0)
 

Hi...this is my first post in the anxiety/panic forum

i just turned 38, i have 2 boys (9 & 6) and a wonderful husband.  about 6 months after the birth of my first son, i stared to have severe panic attacks that , i believe, led to depression - or it could have been the other way around...anyway, i have tried my luck with several different meds, several different therapists ...you know the story...here i am - still medicated and hating it, but one of the biggest issues for me is my complete and utter lack of sex drive - as i said before, my husband is a great guy, and we have a good relationship, but one that's more like a friendship than a marriage.  I know that this libido problem can be a usual side effect from taking antidepressants...does anybody else have this problem?  Currently i am taking 225 mg Effexor XR, which i have been on for just over 12 months.

What can i do?

 

Posted 10/4/2007 10:03 PM (GMT 0)

hi sophie,

I also take efoxor-xr 150mg and i have no sex drive either, unfortunately its one of the side effects, and as yet i havent found anything to fix the problem, And it does put a bit of a strain on my relationship as well, i dont even show affection since being on efexor...

Posted 10/4/2007 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
so true...no affection to my spouse
luckily, my kids get it all!

thanks liquid
Posted 10/4/2007 10:42 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Sophia,

Welcome to Healing Well, I am Kitt.

This family of medications (SSRIs or Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors)can have a negative effect on the sex drive (as well as, for some women, the ability to experience orgasm). Ask your psychiatrist about experimenting with other AD's.

It is a Catch 22, if you quit the meds do you deal with the depression without them?  I am sorry I don't have a better answer but this same issue comes up frequently.

I know how tough it is and you have my support.

Take care and keep posting.

Posted 10/4/2007 11:03 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Sophia,

Thank you for bringing up this topic... I think this is something many of us suffer from, but don't like to talk about. I have been on Lexapro for over 2-1/2 years, and I have very little if any interest in sex anymore. My hubby is younger than me, and I feel sorry for him... he is understanding, but I feel guilty. I avoid intimacy most of the time. It's not that I don't feel affectionate, but ....

Also, compounding the problem for me is that I'm also post-hysterectomy and that just makes it worse.

Bear

Posted 10/5/2007 12:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all_

I had the same effect when on a dose of 50 + of zoloft. I take remeron (SSRN I believe) now too and that has ZERO sexual side effects (for me and most others). The one bad thing about remeron is the weight gain. If you research it, it seems like most everyone gain weight on it. I have gained a little, but am watching it closely... It seems like there is always this big trade off. :(

The sexual side effect thing is pretty strong. I remember just not even caring, wanting, or being able to do anything about it... Not a good place to be, for a young single person...

take care, great post!
dan
Posted 10/5/2007 4:06 AM (GMT 0)

Good to see someone bring up this problem as I agree it is a hard one to discuss as it is a downer to feel like your sex drive has just disappeared.

It makes you feel sad, it is a loss and if your young it is a shock to have this happen.

I agree with you Dan, the Remeron may cause a huge weight gain but other meds  appear to do that also. eyes

I hope others feel comfortable in sharing with us any information they have learned.

Thank you all for posting.  I am proud of you.

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

Posted 10/5/2007 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
I understand all to well. I began lexapro when I was 21 and as a young married women I could not enjoy bed time with my hubby.
He thought it was him and finally began to understand it was due to the meds. He understands and after years of being on and off this drug we have learned to live with it.
I really do wish they could find a way to fix this.
But one day I asked my hubby if he would rather have the crazy me that he can enjoy (cuddling) with
or the on meds mostly normal me that doesnt (cuddle) at bed time.
He said he would rather have the happy me. And even if there was less (cuddling) he just wanted me happy.
While that was very sweet. I dont think he got that I wanted the cuddle time back!!!
If they come up with something to help out with this problem I would love to know cuz I will be willing to try it!
Good Luck Ya'll
Posted 10/5/2007 4:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Kathy,
I saw your post in the prostate cancer forum for your father and stumbled on your post here. My wife and I are living your thoughts but because of my issues with prostate cancer. I do not suffer from any anxiety issues, though I do get upset when thinking of my inability to engage in sex. I do understand your feelings but for a totally different reason. But I would like to mention that my wife was my best friend before I became ill. And that continues. And we are very close. We are on the other side of the spectrum and it seems that we are so different, but we really are not. You see, we lost a baby ten years ago. And you would figure that we'd just get right back up and start over. But it was never that easy. I envy you with the two children. But I do understand your concerns. First from your other post in the other forum, I know you are a wonderful person. I am so happy to have my Ruthie that I would exchange anything that has happened to me recently to regain our sex life. But the reality is that I am now sterile, and we will not have any children. I guess I can feel like I am not alone with your group here. Though I don't need those kinds of meds. Instead I have been medically castrated with hormone treatment. I never thought about it but is there really a difference? We have taken meds for a better more promising future.


Tony

Dx 10/06 Advanced Prostate Cancer
Posted 10/5/2007 11:30 AM (GMT 0)
I believe that most on this med and other meds like it DO /WILL have the sexual drive rock

It saddens me as I know that sex and making love is not all there is to a marrige nor relationship...........BUT there are so many times you want that TOTAL connection the feeling of being as one ya know

I sure hope that something will come soon to help out with this are for sure
Many marriages cannot handle the " closed door " on the "Emotion and physical side" of their love

I know I cannot .........

I will keep you in my heart thoughts and prayers and so happy this thread was brought up and out

LYN
Posted 10/5/2007 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone,

Unfortunately, this is a big side effect.  I'm taking Cymbalta 30mg.  When I was on 60mg I never had an issue with wanting to have sex.  The problem for me was climaxing. 

It sounds as though many of us are lucky to have understanding and caring partners.  My Husband has been wonderful through all of this.  

I will say, it does not hurt to check out an adult store and try new "things" since this helped me at that time.  Not only can it help put you in the mood, but it can spice it up a bit!  I believe it is also a big turn on for your partner.

Since being on 30mg of Cymbalta I have not had a problem.  Good luck and my best to all of you.

Hugz

Mary

Posted 10/5/2007 2:04 PM (GMT 0)

Just a quick comment...

I have had to increase my meds again after another bout of depression. I had been on a 10mg dosage of Lexapro for a long while, but the depression crept back in, and I had to go back up to 20mg. I hope everyone realizes that it's much more important to keep the depression at bay even if their sex drive may suffer a bit.

Bear

Posted 10/5/2007 3:16 PM (GMT 0)
I have also experienced this as well, I also do not like to be touched, you know snuggling and hugging, it really bugs me and I know before my medications sometimes I would crave a human touch.

I am unfortunately did not luck out like the rest of you with having an understanding husband, we have separated, but that was one of the factors in our demise. The relationship was a really big strain on me and it was causing me to be more anxious, because I had to watch what I said around him and what I did constantly.
Posted 10/5/2007 7:59 PM (GMT 0)

Catlady, I am so sorry that you and your husband seperated.  I agree it is a big strain on a relationship.  You are in my thoughts and I believe taking the med is your best choice right now.

I have the double dilemma. I am on the Cymbalta which has proven to dump your sex drive into the zero  zone, and my husband has Crohns for which he takes meds but also has issues with his sex drive.  The problem is he just denies he has any issues and blames it all on me...............so I feel so sad to think that he sees me as the failure.  I just over look it as he has been through much but to be the fall girl in this situation hurts.

I have tried to discuss this with him but he is not able to accept that any thing in the bedroom department may be related to his meds and disease process.

It appears we all have different issues but we are able to share them here and that helps so much.

Gentle hugs to you.

Posted 10/5/2007 8:15 PM (GMT 0)
I haven't taken an SSRI for a long time, but when I did I don't remember them affecting my libido much. Then again, this was in my early twenties and there was a whole lot of libido to go around! Wellbutrin, if memory serves, actually increased my libido. So who knows...but it's a known side effect of this class of meds.

I'm on Klonopin now and have an abundant sex drive, but I'm not sure I'm psychologically ready to take on a relationship. This, of course, is driving me absolutely nuts. But that's another thread, haha...
Posted 10/5/2007 9:01 PM (GMT 0)
This zero sex drive thing that happens with SSRI's is really intriguing to me and I am glad that it is brought up here as an issue. It's like you want to call up these pharmaceutical companies and say, can you make something that takes out this side effect!! Lets face it...sex is an extremely important part of relationships. I just currently went off of Lexapro and thankfully I gained my sex drive back...cant wait for my boyfriend to get back from work actually! Would have cringed before at the thought of him coming home. Like people in this post...I couldnt even "snuggle" ,as we call it, with him. Had NO desire. I made the choice to say that I wasn't going to let a pill destroy my relationship that was absolutely wonderful before I went on it. I agree with KItt..it is such a catch 22. Deal with the depression and have a good sex life or vice versa. I am thankfuly for the choice I made to go off of Lexapro as it has made not only the relationship with my boyfriend, who I have been with for six years, SOOo much better, and it has also made me want to go out with my friends again. I have a hold on my anxiety right now..I have learned other ways to deal with it since coming off the Lexapro..it is possible. Good luck to everyone.

Posted 10/6/2007 1:12 AM (GMT 0)

Thanks everyone for this great thread.  We have fianlly broke out of our hiding our feelings for this lousy side effect.  yeah

Hugs to each of you.

Kitt

Posted 10/7/2007 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
I came off the meds completely not too long ago, but I wanted to comment on this thread because I think it's a great one. I feel like this is the side effect of SSRI's that no one really talks about. My doctor didn't mention it to me when I started Paxil, but part of me thinks that might be because I was a young (18) female and maybe she didn't think I was sexually active? I've always had a very high sex drive and it was an absolute shock to me when I couldn't reach climax after a week or two on the Paxil, and an even bigger shock when I realized I didn't even want to try. I mentioned it to my pdoc and she offered to switch me to Wellbutrin XL, which apparently doesn't have decreased libido as a side effect. I decided against it, and actually, after about a year and half on Paxil, my sex drive started to come back. I know a year and a half sounds like forever, but my point is simply that it did return and I was able to reach climax while on the SSRI. I switched to Lexapro and lost it again for a while, but this time it was only 2 or 3 months before it came back. I don't know how long everyone here has been on the meds so maybe for some people it actually doesn't return, but I'm just saying it can happen.

My other suggestion (and this is probably common sense) is that if you do get up enough drive to actually have sex, try not to get anxious and upset if you can't climax. I think that can exacerbate the problem. Getting worked up about it turns it into a negative experience and your sex drive will probably go down even more if you're concerned about whether or not you'll be able to climax the next time. It's easy to get discouraged and give up. I just always told myself to relax, and if it happened it was great, but if it didn't it wasn't a big deal. That seemed to help.

Good luck to everyone! I do hope there's a better solution soon...
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