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Posted 10/18/2007 8:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, I recently made a post in the "fear of going crazy" thread, but I feel like I would feel better if i posted here. First of all, I am a very sensitive person, i take everything everyone says very seriously. This was happening since I was young, with the earliest incident being when i was around 6-7. Someone told me if my chin will grow out, i will die. I remember I started to cry and obsess about it. If I got a cold or something, I would be very anxious.

My problems started about 3 years ago. It was first year of high school, and I failed math. I would lay on my bed all day thinking about it. That summer, I had my first(and last) major anxiety attack which sent me to the hospital. I haven't had a major panic attack since then cause I feel if i have one in public, or school, I would look stupid, so whenever thoughts about shortness of breath, or i started thinking about my heart, I suppress them and Ive not had to go to the hospital since that summer. I vaguely remember the school year after that summer, however I remember the first month or so I would worry about having a panic attack.

The next summer, I went on vacation to visit my grandparents. The anxiety came in. I was having panic attack symptoms, but I didnt have a major one. However i went days thinking about my health such as "what if there's something wrong with my heart". Again, i vaguely remember the school year, but I guess the symptoms went away.

The summer after that, I went on vacation again, this time I was bitten by a bee. I had a small infection. It because a huge problem for me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I thought i was going to die. And although the doc said everything was fine, I couldn't think that way.

This summer, again, the anxiety came back. I was not on vacation this time, spending my summer at home mostly with the computer. And if i spend a lot of time in front of the pc my eyes get dry. They were pretty dry for about 1 week. I started to freak out. I thought i had a eye disease. I would wake up in the middle of the night checking if my vision hasnt changed. Then I started to get depression like symptoms. However, they only came during the evening, around 5-6 i would get pretty sad/anxious. I felt sad for everyone, my parents, my grandparents, and if i saw a sick person I would feel very bad for them. I decided to see a psychotherapist. When I went, she said I have depression and anxiety which is part of depression.

I decided to google depression and check the symptoms. What a mistake that was! I read somewhere some people are misdiagnosed with depression if they have schizophrenia. I went a week (till the next appointment) thinking i had schizophrenia. The worst part of that week was the waiting. I didnt have anything to do with myself. I could not watch TV, I could not have fun with friends because all i ever thought about was that i was sick. The waiting is extremely annoying. On my next appointment she said she cannot work with me because she is a psychotherapist and she cannot prescribe medicine. She said I have to go to a psychologist, that word scares me. She also got my family doctor to prescribe a very low dosage of anti depressant (i forget the name). It doesn't seem to be working though.

Well I scheduled an appointment to the psychologist, which is on monday, I cannot wait. The thought that i am crazy now went away, but now i am afraid I have a serious disease. I am tired when i wake up almost as much as i was the day before when i was going to sleep. I get times where i am dizzy, but mostly only when i think about being dizzy. I am afraid its cancer, or another life threatening illness. I am afraid It is a "overactive thyroid", or even if it is anxiety, i have been reading the success stories, and the time you guys spent getting better is terrifying. I dont want to spend 8 years like this.
Posted 10/18/2007 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
HI there

YOu sound like you have severe health anxiety and I am sure you are more than aware of that

Most of us with a/p will have a bout of it or have it full blown........it happens

We are more in tune with our bodies is my belief and feel things others may not feel like our heart beating loudly and strongly or all the lil aches and pain we get BUT that does not mean it is not real

Many of us feel we are really siock or have a disease which is killing us ......

I firmly believe that checking things out on the net while being good to a point can do more harm to those that suffer with Health Anxiety.......

I would doubt that you are crazy cuz if you were you would not know it ....

Fear of the unknown is what is hurting you

I think once you see the Pdoc you will find that it is not S and you are not crazy ...you may need a stronger dose of AD's or depending how long you are on them they may not be working anymore or stated to work yet ,.make sense??
A good way to fight this is Cognitive behavioural Therapy
THis therapy changes your way of thinking and gives you a more positive outlook
There is an online free one the ppl here have listed I have the older version I will look it up post and paste it for you ..you have support and understanding here with us

Its a start right
More will be around to give you ideas I am sure

Take care and know YOU are not alone

LYN

STAY with us

Posted 10/18/2007 11:27 PM (GMT 0)
I will. Thanks for the reply.

Ive been on that AD's for not even a week yet. I do feel that i have a bit of depression though. You are probably right about the health anxiety. Like i said, the thoughts of me going crazy have already left, but I am still finding other diseases. What I am most afraid of is the doctor saying I am seriously ill, or that there is nothing they can do to help, or the treatment will take very long.
Posted 10/18/2007 11:44 PM (GMT 0)
It takes about 4 to 6 weeks for most AD's to kick in and work properly they need time to get into your system

Health anxiety is very common but it also will and can take over your life ......IF you let it

Try to look at the glass half full instead of half empty and know that you can go and have a full check up done by your doc .....

Most times it will not be anything serious BUT all this depression a/p can cause real illness not life threatening but real enough to make you nauseous and tired and flu like symptoms ect....

It is a horrid thing to have ...a/p depression ....BUT you have to learn you have IT........... IT doesnt have YOU...........

Be well
Posted 10/18/2007 11:57 PM (GMT 0)
I am taking wellbutrin 150mg 1 pill a day right now. Thanks alot for the help, i feel a lot better just reading that its nothing but health anxiety! :)
Posted 10/19/2007 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
"BUT you have to learn you have IT........... IT doesnt have YOU..........."

Thats awesome. I really like that outlook!!! It's very true
Posted 10/19/2007 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
xgm,lyn is soooo right on the money! We have to deal with it but not let it run our lives! I have servere health anxiety so trust me I know all about it! As a matter of fact I broke down last night and went to the er because the palps were more than I could stand,ofcourse they did a ekg and a chest xray and said all was good and you'd think that make me feel better but nooooo now I'm dizzy and my head feels funny so I'm thinking it must be a brain turmor eyes ahhhhh the life with health anxiety!! Anyway please dont let yourself get in the shape I'm in right now its not funny and it runs my life.... One day at a time and remember we can overcome this!
Posted 10/19/2007 6:42 PM (GMT 0)
Health Anxiety is so much more common ....Just ppl dont like to talk about it for fear of being labeled as a HYPOCHONDRIAC........big difference IMHO.......

Pains ........spasms and aches are real and if they persist to the point of interfering in everyday life routine or patterns HAVE them checked out just to make sure
Do not be ashamed if you are ill or feel there is something wrong ............
Take care all and IT does get BETTER....REALLY
Posted 10/19/2007 8:00 PM (GMT 0)
I dont actually have any pains besides the headache's and tiredness, but today i feel a lot better without the anxiety but the depression is kicking in lol
Posted 10/19/2007 9:07 PM (GMT 0)
Ive been thinking... (i know i shouldnt but i cant stop)

what exactly do AD's do? Will they make the feelings of hopelessness and sadness go away? Ofcourse i know i will have to do a lot of work by myself, but wht exactly will they do to me?
Posted 10/20/2007 5:16 AM (GMT 0)

xgm541

Hello, this is Kitt. :-) We all worry about our health at times. Health Anxiety is one in which a psychological problem manifests itself in a physical ailment. Your pains and your aches are real, sorting out what is medical and what is anxiety is often difficult and for you I know that this is very painful to deal with.

You asked about the AD's and how they work?  Wellbutrin is an antidepressant medication that affects chemicals within the brain that nerves use to send messages to each other. These chemical messengers are called neurotransmitters. The neurotransmitters that are released by nerves are taken up again by the nerves that release them for reuse. (This is referred to as reuptake.) Many experts believe that depression is caused by an imbalance among the amounts of neurotransmitters that are released. Wellbutrin will hopefully correct this imablance.

What will keep you  from falling further down into the big black hole of hopelessness? The ever perpetual search for the brighter side. Never give up.  Accept that you are a worthy person deserving of peace and happiness.

Learn to deal with your anxiety through therapy of your choice, CBT being one of the best.

Take our hand and we will help you on your journey. Gentle Hugs to you.

Posted 10/21/2007 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hey, just writing to say im still here. The weekend wasn't all that bad, yesterday I had fun with a friend. Tomorrow is my appointment with new doctor. I hope it goes well. Stupid thoughts still come into my head but not as much anymore cool
Posted 10/21/2007 11:31 PM (GMT 0)

Hello and I am glad your weekend went well.  I do hope you have read the replies left for you and that you will go armed to your appointment with an open mind.

Let us hear how it goes. I wish you the best.

Posted 10/22/2007 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
Well the appointment went pretty well, i spoke to the doctor, he asked the typical questions one would get on a first visit. Today i feel a lot better than yesterday or the day before that. I am starting to understand that what I feel is only made up and that there is no miracle cure for it and it wont go away overnight, but with the right therapy/medicine It will get better as time passes.


i still have to go see a another psychiatrist to see if i should still be taking wellbutrin, change doses, or if another medicine would be better, the next appointment is in 3 weeks (very busy doctor :P).
Posted 10/23/2007 2:35 AM (GMT 0)

stkitt said...

xgm541

Hello, this is Kitt. :-) We all worry about our health at times. Health Anxiety is one in which a psychological problem manifests itself in a physical ailment. Your pains and your aches are real, sorting out what is medical and what is anxiety is often difficult and for you I know that this is very painful to deal with.

You asked about the AD's and how they work?  Wellbutrin is an antidepressant medication that affects chemicals within the brain that nerves use to send messages to each other. These chemical messengers are called neurotransmitters. The neurotransmitters that are released by nerves are taken up again by the nerves that release them for reuse. (This is referred to as reuptake.) Many experts believe that depression is caused by an imbalance among the amounts of neurotransmitters that are released. Wellbutrin will hopefully correct this imablance.

What will keep you  from falling further down into the big black hole of hopelessness? The ever perpetual search for the brighter side. Never give up.  Accept that you are a worthy person deserving of peace and happiness.

Learn to deal with your anxiety through therapy of your choice, CBT being one of the best.

Take our hand and we will help you on your journey. Gentle Hugs to you.

sorry I am new here what is CBT? thanks :-)

Posted 10/24/2007 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
I feel stupid for writing here almost everyday, but I guess writing here wont hurt, and it gives me a way to let it all out. I keep having these thoughts that I will never get better, and that this anxiety/depression will be with me for the rest of my life and that I will have to live a bad life because of it, or that one day the depression will get to the point where i will commit suicide (dont get me wrong, i dont want to, and i am scared even thinking about it, but am afraid it will come to that point eventually)

Post Edited (xgm541) : 10/23/2007 7:06:20 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/24/2007 2:01 AM (GMT 0)

Hi xgm,

Firstly NEVER feel stupid for writing here alot we all do, thats is what everyone is here for to support you where ever we can. And beleive me the more you do/can talk about the more it helps.

Secondly, the feelings /thoughts your getting about having to live with depression all your life and will you feel this way forever is totally natural, your not going mad. Even though you may feel all over the place right now, it DOES get better with time, although you do need to give your medication the time to adjust to your body, when i forst started taking my meds i was still suicidal for the first 2 months, not saying you will be or are suicidal, thats just how i was at the time.

But within 2 and a half months i was starting to feel better, not great but i wasnt as bad as i was. and as time goes by i am improving, slowly but surely. Actually since joining HW i have improved tenfold, everyone here is fantastic.

So basically what im trying to say is, everyone is different so there is no garunteed time when you will improve. But you will improve with help and support, and the family here is a really good palce to be.

Hope you start feeling better soon.. :-)

((((((((HUGS)))))))) to all... :-)

Posted 10/24/2007 10:16 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for the reply. Well, i am still here. Still having stupid thoughts of getting worse or having a more serious mental disease, BUT when i think to how I felt when I made my first post, I can say I feel a lot better. Either way, I just think about how good ill be able to feel once I get better, and it keeps me going.
Posted 10/24/2007 11:32 PM (GMT 0)

xgm541

You are not having "stupid thoughts" and I am glad you are feeling better after sharing here.  Keep on sharing and we will suport you.

for Anxiety Freak and anyone else :)

Cognitive therapy or cognitive behavior therapy is a kind of psychotherapy used to treat depression, anxiety disorders, phobias, and other forms of mental disorder. It involves recognizing distorted thinking and learning to replace it with more realistic substitute ideas.

Moodgym is a free self help program to teach cognitive behaviour therapy skills to people vulnerable to depression and anxiety.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/

Hugs to All.

 

Posted 10/24/2007 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Kitt,

Your not having "stupid thoughts" it's the thoughts controling what you think. If you keep thinking positive, and if posting here and venting or just to say hi helps do it 100 times a day if it helps you.

I know me saying "think positive" i make it sound easy, and it's not always easy, but if you keep trying it, it does get easier to think positively, Also if your feeling like your thoughts are going in a direction you don't like try doing something you enjoy, it may be listening to music or drawing or reading or anything, thats agood way to draw yourself away from the thoughts you don't want to have.

Hope your feeling better soon

((((((((HUGS)))))))) to all .. :-)

Posted 10/26/2007 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the replies, i feel a lot better than where i was when i first wrote this. I started to do a little less medical research, and bookmarked only a few sites that make me feel better when i read them. Its pretty hard not to research, i suddenly get this urge but I try not to.
Posted 10/28/2007 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
Well, I think ive arrived at a possible source of my problems. Its hard to write about it and i do feel embarrassed, but I am addicted to the computer. I have been for the past few years of my life. Ive tried to quit multiple times, but it hasnt worked. Over the summer I guess it hit me "what's next?". Friends, family, and everyone around are enjoying themselves outside having fun, while i sit at home on the pc either playing games or just being bored. My sister has so many people call her during the day, me.. i dont. The computer addiction made me socially isolated. I mean i have friends, lots of them even, but I feel very lonely. They are only friends at school. I do not go out with them or anything, i guess its my fault cause i would always turn down every offer till i guess they gave up. I cannot pick up the phone and call anyone of them, i just cant get myself to do it, cause i havent done it in so long and it would feel awkward. And i guess i could also have a bit of social anxiety, cause when i am in a public place i am very self conscious and think everyone is looking at me, people think im stupid or i look ugly or there's something wrong with me.

Anyway, the evenings and weekends are the worst. I feel good (for the most part) when i am with friends. The anxiety is there (a smaller version of it) but the feelings of loneliness do go away. When i get home i return back to reality, i think to myself "oh man, i wish i could still be in school with my friends, it got my mind off worrying, and i was actually laughing". Today I spent all day thinking about how much fun i had yesterday with friends, and if i could go back in time and live it again, i'd be so happy.

I am 17 years old, going to college next year, and ive realized i cant go on with life playing games or browsing the internet all day long. I am afraid that I will not be able to overcome my addiction and actually be able to go out to the park with my friends, or get a girlfriend, then wife then kids.. It just seems impossible in my mind. When I ask myself "what do i see myself doing in 10 years, 20 years?" i cannot think of an answer. Heck, i dont even know how where im going to go to college, I cannot see myself living out of the house on a campus. I dont want to remember my teen years as one thing, a computer screen. Once i grow up ill have responsibilities, and they wont be to sit down on my ass all day looking at the monitor

And now that this anxiety hit me, ive been reading this forum, i feel much better writing on my own thread, but reading others is a pain. Some of you guys write that you suffer from anxiety for many years. I think to myself "look what ive done to myself". If it is as bad as it is for me right now, I am scared i wont be able to live a successful and fun life. Im scared about how ill get through college with this constant worry and feeling lonely, im worried that ill not be able to overcome it, or when i am, ill be old already and have ruined my life cause of it. I am afraid that since I worry all the time, it will get worse, and as of now, i do not have frequent panic attacks, heck i dont think ive had a real panic attack since 3 years ago, but what if after such a long time of worrying, they will come and ill develop agoraphobia, and wont be able to go outside cause of it?

Wow, i cant believe i just wrote all that, i poured my heart out. See, now i feel after i hit the submit button and you guys read this, youll think "what a ***** up kid is this?" I mean i feel better now after i write this, but my mind keeps going back and forth between two thoughts 1 being "hey, even if ill live with this forever, atleast its not painful, its only in my head" and the second being "what if i wont be able to live a normal life cause of this computer addiction and anxiety?"

I am making changes as far as the computer is concerned, I no longer have this urge to stay on it, i have sort of a guilt when i am sitting infront of the screen. Ive been trying to get myself away as much as possible. I actually enjoy going out shopping with my parents (well maybe im not very pleased with it but it does get a bit better), or picking up my mom from work, or even going to school has become more of a pleasure than sitting home. And now, this urge to come back and sit by the PC is going away too. I guess im getting better, hey, the first part of overcoming an addiction is admitting it, isnt it?

P.S. sorry for the novel lol

Post Edited (xgm541) : 10/27/2007 7:32:02 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/30/2007 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
Still here :). The anxiety seems to be a bit lower, but still there.

Now my fear is that, well, my mind is tired from this constant thinking, I seem to have gotten a bit retarded, I cannot remember things, I cannot concentrate on school work (especially math, i hate math devil ) and its getting to me, I mean it makes me think ill be retarded the rest of my life now, or what if it gets worse?

Well compared to what i was feeling 2 weeks ago, this concern seems to be small, but still bothersome.
Posted 11/2/2007 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
Another day went by. I feel the need to post here as today I had an eye doctor appointment which lead to an increase in my anxiety. Seems like everyday its a new concern with me hehe. I am still waiting for an appointment with the doctor so she can prescribe me something new, increase dosage, or add another medication. A psychotherapist called earlier today and left a message to call tomorrow to schedule an appointment with her. Although the process seems so long and tedious, i feel the AD's have sort of calmed me down a bit. When i first posted this, there were some thoughts of suicide, but now they've gone away for the most part. The anxiety I dont know, maybe it went down, maybe not, i am so confused on what I feel.

I still cannot stand the thought of having to live in this agony for a long time, and it still bothers me to think people feel like this for 10 years at a time but now i feel like even if I will have to, well there's no other way but to do everything the psychotherapist will tell me and hope for the best.
Posted 11/2/2007 2:18 AM (GMT 0)

Dear xgm,

I am glad you have made some progress and you are advocating for you, that is awesome.

Try not to anticipate the future and having anxiety for 10 years, stay in the moment and deal with what is happening today.

You are not retarded and I prefer using mentally challenged as a better choice of words.  I know you were just trying to express yourself but put a positive spin on that math.  You are bright as you found this site :).

So keep on working on overcoming the anxiety or learning how to cope with it and not let it run your life. I feel stongly that you can accomplish this.

Take care and keep posting.

Kitt

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