my transformation

I'm currently 26 yrs old and have been living w/ anxiety for 5yrs., maybe I had it a little before but it was so minor I never knew it, I was the life of the party, never shy, confident in myself, felt like I could do anything, competitive, and wanted to do the best at whatever I did, always active, through high school and about 3 yrs out of it, I have a group of friends and we are all good friends, about 10 of us, see each other almost every week, real good people, bus. owners, nurse, CPA, all good careers, like I said not people that u would think would do anything bad, well 2 members of our group were introduced to the drug scene when we were around 20 yrs old, it was getting bad in our town and was everywhere, pretty soon everyone in our group had tried it at least once, it started w/ ecstasy, it was cool we would do it maybe 1 a mth and we had big late night parties, w/ women and it was great, well the same 2 brought a new drug into the mix, meth., it was cool too, we didn't have to sleep just have fun, it went on for about a yr. and we all realized what stupid things we were doing and we all stopped one at a time it seemed, after I noticed I started having anxiety and I'm sure it was b/c of it. None of my friends still do drugs, we didn't even do it much for that yr or so but for me is still beating me up, The past couple of yrs I have transcended into a hermit crab and don't do many things like I use to, my self confidence is horrible, I hate the way I feel, look, and just wish everyday I never would've done what I did, I know I turned on a switch I can't turn off and I don't know what to do about that. I hate myself a little each day for being so stupid. I just wish I could feel normal again and when I start thinking back I realize I don't even know what normal feels like anymore. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I have to be strong for my family my younger brother still looks up to me and my sis too. I don't know what to do.

I would love to do that but its not possible right now, I'm having a really bad time and I couldn't be around that many people at once, I was doing so good and now I feel like I'm declining again, I can't figure out why, I can't stand this.

thanks for the advice, I have good insurance w/ my company now so I will seek a therapist as soon as I can, I just can't understand why it is getting so much worse, I use to have it under control.