feeling lost

I past the boards my second try and became an RN in April 07.

I took a job in the operating room in June.  I have had a crummy training compared to alot of other hospitals so I'm told and management offers little to no support.  I had a hard day Saturday, was off Sunday (got my period) and yesterday I dreaded going in before I left the house.  Had a hard day feeling overwhelmed and lost with some of the surgeries and as soon as I saw my husband waiting to pick me up I started crying and cried on the way home.  I have had anxiety over the years off/on with different situations and was called a worry wart by my 2nd grade teacher.  As you can see - I have not the thickest skin.  I am dreading going in today.  I know the last time I emailed a few people responded that this was normal for being a new nurse but it feels awful and sometimes wonder if it's worth it?  I cried today when I woke up just thinking I had to go into work.  This seems insane!  I know I am not a real confident person especially with something new to me which being a nurse is.  I feel so overwhelmed and discouraged.  Life is too short to dread things like work.  I'm not sure if this will pass or if this isn't a good fit for me.  I'm confused as to what to do.  My husband doesn't know what to say to me - he thinks I should quite if it's going to make me this upset.  I don't know what to do.  I really feel alone with this.

neelie

Neelie, I have so much respect for nurses.  There is no way I could handle the stress.  I've been called a worry wart too, my mother says I should be rubbed with sandpaper to make my skin tougher!! 

It sounds like you are in a difficult spot.  New jobs are tough, but they shouldn't have you crying and anxious and depressed.  You probably feel a bit trapped because you've just done all that study, but it needn't go to waste.  As I said, I am not a nurse but are there areas where it is less stressful to work? Maybe in a little while you can be transferred somewhere more suitable?

I may be making no sense here Neelie, but my thoughts are with you.  Please keep us posted

neelie

Hello, this is Kitt.  I was out of town when you posted on the 20th and missed your post. I apologize. :)

I am a RN with 26 years of experience in ICU and ER.  I spent the last part of my career managing the ER and Respiratory Care.  I am a lot like you and I managed to get through some pretty wobbly times.  I also am sensitive and always work better on praise then criticism.  Throughout my carreer I drove home in tears many times. 

Most of the time it was stress driven and I did not feel like I was as good as the other nurses who just did the job when I was so anxious inside and my hands shook. Starting an IV with shaky hands was not easy.  I ended up on Inderal for the hand tremor.  It helped. :( But I hated that I needed it.

I have read a lot about burn out and being a bit OCD I always offered to do  more, pick up shifts and work doubles...........then into management with no training so I had to learn by the seat of my pants.  That is where it started to get really tough for me, I had a hard time reprimanding people, I have a soft heart and I did not want people to hate me or think I was mean.

I hid the stress at work but would cry at home until finely I started to break at work.  That is when I gave myself permission to retire.

I was like you, I was afraid and I would repeat my mantra to help me get through a code or whatever the emergency,  I would say "I AM A Professional, I Can Do This"  You see I loved taking care of the patients, it was the short staffing and high census and dealing with difficult peers that wore me down.  If I made an error I was so hard on myself I would cry for days thinking how stupid I was.

So my friend, do not beat yourself up,  do not be afraid to change your mind if O R is not where it is at for you.  Give yourself permission to be human.  You wear many hats in a 24 hour period, try to leave the nursing cap at work.  Don't dwell on just work.  It doesn't help.

Nursing is your chosen profession not who you are.  You are a wonderful and caring person with a life to live. 

Gentle Hugs

Kitt
 

neelie,

You are not stupid, you are practicing medicine safely.  Be proud of that and soon you will find you feel comfortable with yourself.

In the ER we used to take a lot of verbal orders and they were not written down until after the fact.  I would ask 2-3 times for the Dr. to repeat the order and state who it was for as the volumes through the ER were sometimes very large and with more than one patient it would have been so easy to give the patient wrong med, test etc.

It was hard to train the physicians to write the orders down but once that happened it help reduce the stress with that one issue.

Black and white in medication administration is the only way to be.  You cannot be off by just a little bit.

Practice being kind to yourself.  You are a good person...............you got your license, so you are Not Stupid.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt