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Posted 12/13/2007 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
my husband whats me to go to a dinner in this big fancy place, i never have done this i mean i have been to nice restaurants, but this where wealthy people go, this is for his job, he doesn't have to go, i don't even have fancy clothes i am a tshirt and pants kidda gal, this is not me, i will be so scared and nervous people i have never met,
i am scared i might have a panic attack in front of all those people i went to my dads birthday and there where people there i was not used to , are did not like much and i had one so how is this goin to be different. sorry to rant but my husband doesn't understand i'm scared


gad and social anxitey
Posted 12/13/2007 5:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hi! I have some anxiety with crohns when it comes to eating out. Obviously my issues stem from different reasons than yours as I am more nervous about getting to the bathroom comfortably. But, I do know that when I am in a new situation and people are new I am more nervous than when I am used to a place or the people. If I were you, I would get a nice outfit that I could afford (no one needs to know it is really from Sears) and go to this fancy shmancy place with my husband for an appetizer or for drinks or for dessert, as soon as possible before the event. Then you will have time to scope the place out and get comfortable there with just you and your husband without spending too much money. Then the night of the event, get there early so you can make sure you have an aisle seat so you are not stuck on the inside of a table where you can't get out. Take seperate cars so if you get really uncomfortable you can leave and your husband can still finish his business engagement. You can always excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back with some excuse "emergency phone call, etc." Have a code your husband knows before hand and don't feel guilty if you do leave. At least you tried. But set yourself a goal... Like for me I will say, I need to make it through the meal and then I can leave if I need to. That way I am not giving in to my anxiety and letting it take over my life. I will suffer through dinner but then if I still feel to anxious and have met my goal I will reward myself by using my excuse and leaving. But I bet if you get to know the place first you will be more comfy, and maybe you can even meet some of the people before hand too!

Just a quick story. My husbands family is wealthy and I was raised middle class. They are not at all snobby but do like to go all out once and awhile. We went to this $200/person dinner dance for new years at a country club with them once. I was super nervous because we had to fly down for the visit and then go to this dinner etc. I bought a $25 dress from Sears that was a discounted prom dress. But, on an adult, it looked like a ball room gown. It matched my husbands tux perfectly. It was black, strapless, and balled out at the bottom. It had a white trim around the top, and one around the bottom. All night people were asking me who my designer was. I just politely said, I'm not sure, I got it on sale lol!!
Posted 12/13/2007 5:17 AM (GMT 0)
Have you seen a doctor about this? I know what you are feeling and I think some meds might help you get through it. I know they worked for me in situations like this and there's all types of stuff they can give you. Long ago I used to be on Zoloft and it totally turned me into another person. It was seriously odd -- even people would ask me what was going on with me. I turned into this socialite out going person and after a year I felt I needed to come off of it.
Posted 12/13/2007 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
There are great 2nd hand shops that have wonderful dresses often worn only once. I undertand your anxiety completely - I don't like crowds or large groups of any kind for anxiety reasons. I say speak with a Dr. and have something like xanax on hand. You can get trough this with a little help & support.

I'd like to share a funny story about a similar situation, it was a work related executive holiday party at a totally swank place. I became very anxious and excused myself to the ladies room only to encounter the CEO's wife puking from too much to drink. I helped her on her feet, got her cleaned up and became an instant (S)hero. I was on Xanax but my anxiety was way reduced after that incident. It caused us to get invited to many more such events and I never had anxiety about them after that! Hope this helps - or a lt least gives you a chuckle.
Posted 12/13/2007 6:31 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Machalle,

Most people cannot tell a Gucci from a Versace so pick out a nice dress at what ever store you have available.........remember the little black dress is always appropriate.

Dress down, not up and have your hair and nails done............and sweetie you will be just beautiful.  Just be who you are, a kind and caring person.

I have been to many functions and I always order my Diet Cola and accept whatever brand they have.  I just sip it as due to meds I do not order alcohol.  Smile, if your smiling the whole world smiles with you. Just be who you are.................ask your husband not to abandon you and wander off with people he knows leaving you behind.

Try to set a time limit on how long you will stay at the function so you know you limitation.

Most of all have some fun trying to guess who has real diamonds and who is wearing glass.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 12/14/2007 1:53 AM (GMT 0)

machelle, in this situation I just try and remember that everyone is always sooo busy looking at and thinking about themselves and their own insecurities that they take no notice of you at all.  Seriously!!!

Try and stay in the NOW and don't worry too much about what's going to happen (easier said than done I know!).  If you do have a panic attack, just excuse yourself, and use one of the great techniques already posted here (everyone is so clever!).

I sincerely hope you have a great time, keep us posted!

Posted 12/15/2007 5:49 AM (GMT 0)
People don't understand you if they never had same problem. I use to take smallest dose of Xanax (.25) in these cases - keeps you calm a little and also it is temporary solution, just put under the tongue to dissvolve - nobody will notice, and you don't have to take on daily basis. Sometimes the thinking that I have Xanax in my bag keeps me calm because I know if I will feel weird or bad so I can take it any time.
Hope this helps. Thanks.
Posted 12/15/2007 6:07 AM (GMT 0)
whats bad i don't know if my medicine i am taking lexapro and klonopin will be enough low dose on klonopin but 20mg on lexapro, i just scared i never have like being in a room with people i don't know like a closed in situation, there with their perfect hair and dress, i hate dresses i know thats weird i used to like them when i had a perfect shape, but not perfect anymore, i guess a pant suite or something, but what if i start shaking like i do when i get nervous, i don't know anyone there and my husband is so bad about going off and talking to people and leaving me stranded. i'm sorry but this is me, i don't want to embarrass myself or my husband i guess i will have to find a way to get passed all these fears
Posted 12/15/2007 1:35 PM (GMT 0)
Wear a nice pant suit then and take the Klonopin ......I would if in your situation..BUT thats me ...and just a thought
Have or try to have a good time

Feeling good prior to going about it all helps as well IMHO

LYN
Posted 12/15/2007 4:28 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Machalle,

I agree with the pant suit idea as a good idea and dress it up with a lovely scarf or simple jewelry.

IMHO I think you are experiencing anticipatory anxiety.  Try not to dwell of the what ifs?  I used to fold my are accross my chest when my hands would tremble.  If your truly this uncomfortable, you may choose to skip the party.

Take care

Kitt

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