With The New Year...........

Morning all

 

Just wanted to say that thru the past year I have seen so many of you change for the better ....by taking baby steps doing techniques with your meds or w/o .......fighting this Dang fight the best you can and I am so proud of each of you

 

I would love for us to just put one thing down from last year we accomplished and the let the year go and go into the NEW YEAR with all the best to come

 

Support,caring empathy and family like atmosphere here really makes a BIG difference in my life ......how about yours ............

 

I know of your accomplishmensts as do you and others BUT how about putting just one down .............and what HW has done for you n the ppl

 

Lets start the New Year ........NEW and stronger .......together as always

 

 I am taking many less Valium then ever before .........BUT the best thing I have gotten this year is the fact this is the 1st year with NO intravenous and no sores at Christmas...............what a great gift I do believe .........it has been 10 yrs since I have not had an IV at Christmas............

THats a couple for me

ONE is a major breakthru for sure

ALL of you have helped me along my journey this year and it has been a rough one the roughest I think .........THANKS,.........

 

NEXTTTTTTTTT......if you care too share....LYN

Hello All

Well last year I was not doing well at this time of year, in fact I was using Vicodin for my herniated disk in my lower back.  In reality  I was having a reaction between the AD and the pain med but I did not realize that.  I was liking the Vicodin..............and my Pdoc said it has to go. 

You would think  she is my Mom...............ok, I got pneumonia  the first part of January and I had been weaning off the Vicodin and I felt like I was dying so on January 15,2007 I flushed the narcs down the toilet and I have not touched one since.

Holy Moley..............almost a year. I remember when I counted the days I was free of the narc. For pain I use Aleve.

                                   

 I started  therapy with a new therapist that I liked and trusted........we did wonders together.  I only see her now on a "need to:  basis.  I practice what she taught me.

Don't dwell on the past, don't anticipate what might happen tomorrow.............Be in the moment today. Works but it takes practice.

Drum roll please.........................I joined Healing Well. I met some of the best people and have found comfort, caring and someone to listen to me when I am happy or sad. 

I also am able to give and receive here in this forum as well as the other ones I cruise.

So a huge Thank you to Peter and this is one thing that I will carry forward with me..............it was a good thing even though I had some tough times with Depression,  HW lifted me up.

You, the members , are Healing Well.  Thank you and now I move forward into   2008. :)

A special Thank you to my mentor, my friend and my Big Sis

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Lyn, What a great thread!!  I have to say that this has been an extremely difficult year for me - I have been hospitalized twice because the A/P and I was out of control.  I also found out I am Bipolar.  Now my daughter is ill and we aren't sure yet what is causing this problem.  But we will be finding out soon.  Also, my mom passed away two weeks ago - so as I said this has been a very difficult year.  But I am getting through it with the help of everyone here. But, I have 3 good things (I know, Lyn - you said 1, but I can't help but share the other 2) to share with everyone. 1st - is I have found this great family here at Healing Well.  I just love it here.  I am learning how to deal with all these 2nd - is I have found out just how supportive my family is - this includes my extended family.  3rd - is I have found a good therapist and pdoc that I trust and have helped me tremendously and continue to do so. Thanks for letting us share our successes Lyn. Love ya Big Sis Wen

Dear Family,

What I have read here so far brings tears to my eyes and makes me so proud to be able to call you family.  I am happy that we all have made strides this year, and I know next year will deal us new cards but the love and support of this community will see us through.

May hope, love, and warmth
be in your heart's possessing,
and may the New Year
bring you and yours
many blessings.

Happy New Year!!!

Hugs, Kitt                                                      

Tennis,   I am so very proud of you and your accomplishment to get through that night.  You deserve big hugs and lots of pats on the back for this.  I am so glad that you can see what a big step that was for you and I hope you realize just how special you are.   Reading your story was a so much of a deja vue for me, it's uncanny.  This is not something that I have shared with anyone here as I have been too ashamed to do so.  But reading your story has given me the courage to share this.   I went through what you did one July morning which prompted my first hospitalization.    While in my bedroom ready to do this, I had a moment when the "fog" lifted and I asked myself "what am I doing"?!?  I thought "I have a family to think of , my kids need their mother, my husband needs his wife, everyone would be devestated if I go through with this."  I then got rid of them, called my friend and she took me to the hospital.  I was so ashamed of what I was going to that I couldn't call my husband at work to tell him I needed to go to the hospital and why I needed that to happen.  I left a note for him so he would have a small idea of what was going on when he got home, but he still didn't know where I was.    After the long admission process I called him and told him where I was.  He came to visit me and I talked with him at length about what had been going on and how I felt.  I also told him that I no longer wanted access to the med lock-box that we have at home - I gave my key to him and he took on this responsibility without question.  It has amazed me how well he has stepped up and just taken care of everything, especially taking care of me - making sure I eat (a BIG issue for me), making sure the meds are taken care of, making sure the kids get to and from the places they need to be at, doing the errands, etc.  With the agoraphobia, I just don't go anywhere.   We both have much to be proud of and we both need to remember it.  That was a horrible moment in our lives, but we put the brakes on, stopped what we were doing and took care of ourselves the best way we knew how.  For me, that was a big, big accomplishment - for me to accept others (strangers) to help me is not an easy thing.  But it worked.  So, Tennis - I know what you went through and understand it.  Our families and friends will always help and so will this wonderful HW family - we both know they will.   May the New Year be happy and bright for us and bring us many, many happy things and thoughts.  We can do anything if we put our minds to it and that includes getting better; even if we get dealt a few bad cards to deal with.   Love to all for a very Happy New Year, Wen

As I read these POSTS I am crying.........

I wanted you to write something and you complied but you did more than that each of you BROUGHT your heart and soul to your post and from the bottom of my HEART I want to THANK YOU .........

 

As I have said I have seen so many of you change so much for the better..........and I have seen you make choices go thru Hades come out brush off and carry on with the luv and support of our Lil family here

 

ALL of us here make a difference in one another's lives and for that I Too am so grateful for HW and the people I have come to know and love .............

 

Big sis .........You know I care and I am glad you are here..........

 

S.I.S. ..............YOU are doing great and I ( we) are proud to have you now as a moderator

 

ALL..........you are the best and I do care in different ways for EACH and every one of YOU's

 

WE  as a TEAM/FAMILY and HW will go forth into 2008 and we will keep fighting the fight together ............Never wavering or letting it win for LONG.....

WE WILL KICK BUTT............YOU BETCHA...........tears of joy I have ........thanks for the posts all of you ...........you gave me more than you will ever know

 

 

LUV

LYN

BIG SIS

S.I.S

Cowgirl

Goh, come on you guys, I cry enough as it is! I cant help sitting here crying now...   But, for once, it is a good cry!

 

Wen, thank you so much. I am so very glad you told your experience. You got help. For me, I just realized that what I was about to do, wasnt me. It wasnt who I wanted to be. It wasnt how I wanted to be remembered. I was on the the floor scared out of my mind. Holding them in my hand. I just thought how simple it was. A move of my hand, and a swallow of my throat. Just like that. But, it isnt simple. Life is not simple. But, life is so much better when it is being lived! I am grateful that I had that moment. I think of it everyday, and thank God that He gave me the strength to do what I did. People wonder if they are going to have that single moment in life, the one that changes everything. That was my moment. I realized, no matter how bad life gets, and no matter how sick and tired of it I get, I can only live it once. I wasnt about the turn that over and let it pass.

I have so many dreams. I think, hope, that I can do so much for the world. That night was a test of my strength. That morning was a test of Wen's strength. And we came through. I think that shows a lot about us. Wen got help. That is great. I am very proud that she did that. I didnt get help that night. Yes, God was with me that night. But, I never told anyone, until a few days later. I told my best friend. She knew because she had been there before. But, she is the only person I have told, besides all of you now!! But, it shouldnt be like that. I shouldnt be ashamed to speak up and tell my story. The world tells me I should be ashamed. I should be ashamed because it was stupid. But, in my opinion, I should be proud. I shouldnt be ashamed of something I almost did.

I am proud of what I did. I am proud of what Wen did. I have never felt like I did that night. I dont remember what it was like. I dont remember anything around me. I remember looking at my hand. I remember the exact number. I remember ebing more scared than I can possibly imagine. But, I remember throwing them down. I remember crying, I got up, did my normal routine, brushed my teeth, and I went to bed. The next morning, I have never been so happy to wake up!

I will remember that forever I think. Because from then on, everything changed, for the better. I am completely different. I have a great outlook on life. I know what life means.

I struggle everyday with the a/p still. I still havent gone out. My friend asked me to yesterday, I couldnt. Maybe some time soon I will. I am doing better though. A few anxiety attacks, but havent had a panic attack in a while. So, thats good! I am hoping this next year, 2008, I will be able to change everything. It is going to be a good year...I feel it in my bones!!

 

I hope this next year is special to all of us. We are all strong and we will all make it through! Thanks Wen and Sherrine . And Lyn, we WILL KICK BUTT!!! We are a force stronger than imagined! Together we will step through to this new year!

Take Care my Beloved Family!  

Big Sis
You know our stories are just about the same when it comes too what we did in our LIVES I was in ER nursing not for long I went to Aids /Hiv........and then found my calling was geriatrics like my Mom and her Mom.........AND then I had to retire and sell my place due to meltdown and illnesses........

Yes these posts are very open and honest and yes the have me in tears as well

It is an honor to be a Moderator even when we get yakkked at lol........but I have to say I believe we do less editing and deleting on this forum ......OUR members are great with the rules and respect as well as the Fantastic Support that they give to all ........

AS I said I am so proud to be part of this Family and all the Members in it ....whether new or oldies like me ..............

THanks to all of you for making this a special place to come to when times are tough...............

Last year my life felt like a mess. I went to university in the later part of the year and this time last year I would have been home about a month after dropping out of education. I would get panicky walking down the street and was terrified of even answering the home phone, thinking everyone was judging me.

Now I wouldn't say I'm fully healed by any means, I still get panic attacks and times when I feel worthless and scared. I've achieved so much in a mere year though. The biggest thing for me was in the summer when I started my first proper relationship. For the first time ever I had an attitude of "what have I got to lose, really?" and I opened myself up to him and he didn't think I was ugly or worthless like I've been telling myself all these years.

I think back to 2003 when my mum died and the following few years where I was left reeling from the shock and trauma of it all. Things haven't gone as I had originally planned back then, but I'm now in the state of mind where I accept that it was a dreadful thing that happened and that it would have been really difficult for anyone. I'm no less of a person for having issues with anxiety, I've had a tough time and it's to be expected.

As I said before, I still have very low confidence compared to most others and I often just seem to expect the worst to happen, even if it won't. The worst thing at the moment is thinking my boyfriend is more interested in other women than in me and that he's going to leave me. I can't help but get anxious when he uses the internet or his phone and I know that's because it's one of those things I can't have control over. It doesn't help that the last person I was with was a compulsive liar and constantly messed around with my head. It's a self-depreciating and suspicious, unfair tendency I have which I absolutely hate and I hope that it's something I can overcome in 2008.

Good luck for 2008 everyone, let's make it a year to remember for all the right reasons.

 

Howlyncat said...
SWEETIE.......Great honest post and I am so glad you bared your inner soul.........
Because the last one was the way he was does not mean this fellow is ya know
I have had the sweetest and then the most controlling men in my life TILL I CHOSE to make it my LIFE and about me and my daughter...........

I finally found true love yet I felt I was holding him down with all my illnesses and he is way younger than I ...........so I decided to split
THIS just about killed my daughter she loves him so much .......I am happy to say we ARE working on this together all 3 of us and nothing is left unsaid...........nothing is left to say that will hurt or scar us we are a family ...even if we do not co habitate ........Maybe THIS NEW YEAR will bring him back home EH...........

All the best to all in 2008 and again these are from the heart and I am so happy that all have posted with their love and souls

This is so true. The man in my life now is nothing whatsoever like the last person and I know this. When I actually take time to sit back and analyse things properly I'm just being my own worst enemy by fabricating awful situations in my head which don't even exist! It's really bizarre, I suppose it's a result of having low self-esteem and since so much bad stuff has happened over the years and it's been out of my control then unfortunately I seem to have sub-consciously come to the way of thinking that the same sort of stuff will continue.

It's so good that you're all working through things together. I think sometimes people with anxiety have a tendency to block everyone else out and we shouldn't because being alone really doesn't make things any easier! I believe that one of the most important steps to having a healthy mind is being as open as possible with your feelings, otherwise things do get left unsaid and misunderstandings can occur. I really do hope that you, your daughter and your man do indeed get everything sorted in the new year and that it's a happy one for you.