Am I A FOOL FOR THIS!!!!!

Ok guys here is the big one!!!! I feel like i've been talking to you guys long enough to let it all out!!!!! I have this problem and i dont know what to do? I have been married for going on 8 years now.My husband and i have been together off and on since i was 15 and he 17!! My husband is a former marine.When we first married everything was ok,he knew about my P/A when we got married, but back then it was a little better considering the fact that at least i could take road trips!!!! We had our share of disputes back then about me not being able to hold down a job, and still cant because of my p/a.He also had his struggle trying to get back adapted to the cilvilian world as he was a marine for 5 years!!!!! I LOVE MY HUSBAND WITH ALL MY HEART!!!But when i started getting more into my p/a meds our physical relationship went from very fufilling and exciting to nothing, as the meds were taking my libido!!! For some reason i couldnt get him to understand this, he insisted on taking it personal so that caused problems for us! In the midst of all this we went through phases where we struggled finacially.We both have a love for nice things shoes,clothes,cars etc.But with having 1 income most of the time it was sometimes impossible to keep up the lifestyle we so desired! Well about about a year and a half ago my husband started acting different(crying)He was staying out late,coming home from work late etc.as this was disturbing to me of course i questioned it. He would always insist i was somewhere playing on the computer or i was at the mall etc.At the time we didnt have a home pc.Well one night he came home and sprung some unexpected news on me. he siad he had an affair and the person he had the affair with gave him herpes!!! Of course i was devistated and went and got checked out immediately!!! I tested negative!!!!!So i was relieved!!! We had fight after fight about this and still do? I decided to stay with my husband and tough it out,and im still having realtions with him knowing that he has herpes!!! Is this stupid of me? Because everytime i have relatons with him im putting myself at risk and there is no cure for genital herpes!!! He hasnt had any outbreaks since diagnosed and i have not been checked for the virus anymore but am currently not showing any symtoms.Could you guys give me some feed back on what to do??                      ( THANK YOU PANIKE)

Is your husband willing (or does he already) take a medication like Valtrex to prevent outbreaks? It is your marriage, and only you know your circumstances best and know if it is best to stay or leave. However, I don't think I would give up without a fight...so get some counseling (both of you) since you are still arguing over this. Above all, use protection every time so you don't pay for his mistake.

I didn't know you couldn't take it until you had an outbreak. So, how does he know he has it, is there a blood test or something that shows you have antibodies against it?

You have HAD to see all the kyaking and bike riding commercials of "I have genital herpes, and she doesn't" commercials! Anyway, Valtrex is a medication that can be taken only during outbreaks or daily to prevent outbreaks and helps prevent the transmission to the partner.

Death from herpes is almost nonexistent, I think it would have to spread to your brain before there is even a remote chance of that happening which, again, is very rare.

Hey, he's the one who messed around, so he should have no problem with wearing protection to protect your health, IMO. I am sure he feels awful for this, but feeling awful does not prevent the spread of herpes.

Thank you baby t for the info!!!!! I had been wondering where you were today?(SMILE) I appreciate you finding that info for me!!! its been rough you know!! Im sorry to hear about you being raped ive been down that road before too!! Its a real emotional experience.It takes alot out of you.I am so glad i found this sight,its people like you and sue babyt that makes me want to continue to open up and look for answers to questions im normally afraid to talk about!!!!!! Hope to hear back from you soon!!! PS i have seen a doctor once when i tested negative but i will be going back!!!

Well sue,you know i agree with everything you just siad and i agree he has shown very little remorse!!! Even when i bring it up he get mad!!! He says if i forgave him i wouldnt keep bringing it up. I disgree,just because i siad i forgave him i am still healing and there is no way i will ever forget!!! Oh yeah and he did tell me his reason for doing it!!! (please Dont Laugh!) because i personally think its BS!!!!!! he siad he did it because he was having finacial problems from me not working and one of our vehicles was breaking down(his car)he works about 45 minutes away from home so i do agree he needed his car.So he siad the woman had been wanting to be with him and offered to pay to fix his car(450.00) if he had relations with her. Like i said i dont believe that and when he told me my exact words were,"not only did you cheat on me,now your insulting my intelligence!" Because dont get me wrong,he is a nice looking,clean cut man but judging from my perspective there are plenty of nice looking men that will have relations with you for free!!!(lol) You know what i mean!!!

Thank you guys so much for helping me,im starting to feel better already!!!!! I love you guys too!!! REALLY!!!!! For so long i faulted my self!!! You guys are right he is the stupid one!!! Not me!!! I have never cheated on my husband and had never even thought about it i knew we had our share of problems but i never thought this would be one of them!!! Maybe i was nieve but i never thought my husband would hurt me this way!!!!

Oh.....so he not only cheated, he resorted to pimping himself out! Oh, Panike, I hope you see humor in this, I believe you do.

He's wrong, forgiving and forgetting are different things. By not bringing it up you would be letting him know it is okay to treat you like a door mat. So, you don't work, does that somehow make you less of a person or someone without feelings to be hurt?! Don't think so. When you get into counseling I think the counselor can better explain to him that you are justified in your response, even if you want to give a different response tomorrow and then a different one the next day. You are going to work through this in your own way and he has to deal with that.

I totally agree babyt he does need to get his head out of his you know what!!!!!! But as i said before he is more stupid than he look if he think i believe his reasoning!!!! SUE i wish i could be in a positon to say that,right now i dont even have a job and totally depending on him to pay my car payment and everything!!!! Due to panic/anxiety its hard for me to hold down a job so i dont know what to do???Maybe something will pan out for me.Ive been looking to god for some answers!!!

You guys are so cool!!!! I love yall! and i will keep you guys posted on my decesion.And yes babyt i do see some humor in it as sick as it sounds!!! Sometimes i have to laugh to keep from crying!!

Pani-ke, I found that link for disability.

http://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/11.00-Neurological-Adult.htm

To answer your question babyt i do like some country music,but no ive never heard of those people!(smile)Back in the day i use to love kenny rogers! i like leane rhimes and lenny kravitz! I also like all of the judd sisters! Thank you again for every thing baby!!

Oh man babyt i like those lyrics! I wish i could hear the instrumental with it! I wrote down the names i think im going to go buy both of them!! Do they have good beats as well?? I am glad you were able to eat something! Are you going to try to eat more later?? I mean you know at your own pace and all!!! BabyT you seem like a very fun person!!! I bet you and i could be great friends!!! (lol)

I would like to add that I do not believe you are at fault for any of this
YOUR hubby broke a sacred trust when he cheated on you .......that is something that takes time and plenty of loving forgiveness to get over IMHO....it is not something you can just pass over and forget .I know I could not ........

Valtrex is a great med to have him take to make sure that somewhere down the line you do not get the herpes as well..and it would be a kicker to him to have to take the meds daily as a reminder of how he blew off his wife and ended up with this in the end ........Just my opinion.......I think you are one special Lady .........I hope you know this as well

He cannot treat you like a doormat as was said ....Find your strengths and let him know HOW much he has hurt you and WHY ........

I must say you do sound like great friends already and I honestly believe you are good for one another.......
Again I have seen so much love and support in this thread too .....this is fantastic .........
Take care and be well

LYN