Took a Big Step!

I've never really been open to anyone (except those folks here) about having anxiety and depression.  Mental illness has always had a large stigma attached to it for me.  But, I've been dating this great guy for the past three weeks.  And I just told him that I have both.  It kinda blew him away.  He said I could have never told him and he would have never known.  I tried to explain depression to him, which he didn't seem to really understand, since he's never been depressed.  I explained that I feel sad and overwhelmed, but its comforting, since I know what to expect, since I've dealt with it for so long.  I've been struggling with it since I was 16 and I'm 33 now.  Over the past year I've finally gone on anti-depressants, which has made a tremendous difference.  So, once I was able to better explain what I was like before meds and after meds, I think he got it.  He listened and asked questions about my medication and therapy.  It felt like a heavy weight was being lifted from my chest.  I don't think he was expecting hearing anything like that, but he handled it well.  He then told me about his past drug use.  How he was addicted to crystal meth and how he got himself off.  It's like we both emptied out the skeltons in the closet.  I feel closer to him now than I have felt to anyone in a long time.  Plus, I really trust him.  All in all, it was a huge step for me to tell someone in "the real world" about my inner demons and my struggle with irrational thinking.           

Congrats on this step!! I know what it is like! When I first told my best friend I thought she would freak but she was ok with it.... she then told me about her past of dealing with the same issues as I am! So, we are alot closer now. We tell each other everything. It is very nice to have someone in the "real world" to talk to. When I told her at first it felt great to get it out! I was scared but now I can tell her things and I dont expect her to freak out. She is veyr understanding, and I hope your bf continues to be understanding.

You should be very proud of yourself! Its a HUGE step telling someone! I understand, as I have told people, but I am also stil "trying" to tell people so... its a very hard thing to do, but YOU DID IT!!! Congrats!!

That's wanderful. That was a big step. If things go well for you guys and he may be a part of your future, it is good that he has an understanding of what you go through. And I'm sure he will be a bunch of support to you now that he knows. It will probley help your anxiety and depression for the better. I am so glad to hear this. I dont know you but am very happy. Good luck to you. Things will keep getting better for you now!

Sadsong

Kudos to you my friend and I am so happy for you. You did it and I am proud of you.  You trusted this young man and he trusted you in return.

Life only lasts so long, so while we're here, we've got to take chances while we've got them. All we can do is extend our line of trust, and hope to pull back something good. It doesn't always work out, but it's the lessons that we take from it that matter. It's all about taking chances, and waiting for the one that works out. Trust gets broken, but it shouldn't affect someone else's chance at earning our trust. You my sweet lady have learned that lesson. :)

I wish you peace and oh so much happiness.  Many happy hugs to you.
Kitt

SURE hope you are reading all the posts of this family that is so proud of you Sadsong..........

YOU did it and we are darn proud ya did
Luvs
LYN

Thanks all! You guys rock! When I told him it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I wasn't nervous or anything. In fact the whole discussion started 'cause I explained what my light box was. I told him about SAD and it seemed like he had trouble believing it was a real thing that I had been diagnosed with it. So, I explained what I was like beforehand and how much it has helped me. Then, I explained that my therapist was the one who suggested using the light box and further explained that I see her every other week for anxiety and depression. I think that took him a bit off-guard to, since it seemed like he couldn't quite believe that a therapist could help. But, I explained that since I've moved here I've lost my strong support network of family and friends, so she more or less just gives me another perspective of anything that I want to talk about. Then, he said something like, "but you pay her?" I said "yeah, but my insurance covers it and it helps!"

It's funny once I told him I was on an anti-depressant he said something similar to me badgenetics like "well, your part of the over medicated majority." But, I explained to him what I was like before - I would stay in my house and not want to leave. I would cancel any plans I had, 'cause I just didn't want to be around anyone. I had no interest in doing anything and anything I once enjoyed I couldn't care less about. I stayed in bed for an entire week and never even changed my clothes or took a shower. Yuck! I'm so much more balanced and self-assured now. Before I was a complete push-over and wouldn't speak up for myself. My self-esteem had never been lower. Now, I'm much more assertive and feel much more like my normal self. But, the thing is, one of the side-effects of celexa is mania. So, my therapist is working on trying to figure out if I should be diagnosed as bipolar instead.

Thank you Kitt for saying exactly what I needed to hear. I do trust him and I do like him A LOT! The whole thing feels so right, I don't second guess myself, it just seems like we should be together. I feel so comfortable, safe, and protected when I'm with him. I also feel respected, understood, and empowered.

 1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

I want to be understanding and compassionate, but I'm so torn. I mean it's illegal and I work for the government! Plus, I'm sure when I do go to therapy on Wednesday, my therapist will be extremely disappointed, since I've jumped in with both feet and can't get enough of him.

Lastly, I haven't been in a completed relationship in a really long time and he really hasn't ever really dated. So, in between one of our mad passionate sessions, I asked him if he considers what we're doing as "dating." (I admit it didn't even cross my mind until one of my friends asked me where I thought it was going (i.e. boyfriend, friends w/benefits, dating, etc.) Until then, I was just really enjoying what we had going on, taking proper precautions and acting like mature adults, since I tend to freak out whenever committment is mentioned. But, he said something like, "I hadn't given it much thought, but if one of the people involved think that they're dating I guess they are." Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but like I said I hadn't really thought about it either.

** Sad.....Had to Edit according to rules .PLZ email me if any questions k ....Thanks for your understanding and I am so hoping all will work out and you will FINALLY be happy....**Luvs

LYN

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 2/27/2008 6:43:20 AM (GMT-7)

He left me a voice message last night saying he wanted to talk to me. I started freaking out, since in my mind whenever I've heard "we need to talk" the beginning of the end is near. I started thinking that he somehow read my post above or was about to break up with me. So, we played phone tag and he just called me back when I was pulling into my driveway. As soon as I heard his voice, the entire world just melted away. He wanted to know if I was interested in meeting him for dinner tomorrow night, since he can't wait until Saturday to see me again. I completely forgot that I have my therapist appointment tomorrow night, but I should be able to get there in time as long as the roads aren't too bad! Another storm has hit us here in NH, with somewhere between 6 -10 inches expected by 12 a.m. Wed night. Grr!

Thanks for the advice and support Panike. I agree with you that not everyone understands depression and anxiety. I've considered telling one of my bosses, but not the other one. Since one is very supportive and understanding, whereas the other has said some very judgmental things about her views regarding people with depression (i.e. No wonder that guy shot those people, he was depressed, which made him completely crazy!) Whereas, the other one struggles with SAD and really listens when I offer suggestions and ideas and usually doesn't judge others. He's the one that everyone goes to for advice, where everyone tries to avoid her!

Thanks Lyn,

You're such a sweetie!  Say, how are you feeling, now?  I usually don't read all of the other threads, since I just don't have the time.  So, I just found out that you were ill.  I do hope that you're feeling much better now. 

I did talk to my therapist about my concerns and she gave me some good advice and support.  So, for now I'm just gonna see how things go, but be careful and be sure to keep watching for any more red flags.  He seems to have a good head on his shoulders and is fully aware of the potential consequences of his actions, it also seems like if he was in a different situation (i.e. married with kids) he would change.  (He actually shared a story to that effect, so I tend to believe him.)  He's also fully acknowledged that since he only has to look out for himself and no one else is relying on him, he can take more risks right now.  Again, I tend to believe him, plus I think no matter how far or how long things last between us, he would respect my boundaries.

We did meet up for dinner last night, which was good.  (He opened doors for me and paid for everything.)  We went to a great little Greek restaurant that he's fond of.  It was cute, he kept listening in on this conversation that these two older gentlemen were having right behind him and commenting on it.  Then, we had a beer at a bar down the street, where there was live music.  I'm cooking him dinner again on Sat.  And I already miss him.