Really struggling with life ...

I think you will find that there are many people here who understand and have experienced most of what you describe. I know that I have been where you are and to some degree am still there depending on the day. I think that going to a new Doc. is definitely the right decision. Perhaps he/she will prescribe you an anti-anxiety med like Xanax, Ativan, etc... to help slow the idle down a bit so that you can tackle the anxiety from a state other than high panic. Things seem more bearable when you aren't all reved up ya know.

General Anxiety Disorder is my nemesis and I understand exactly how you feel!!! Please know that you have found the best place for support and feel free to post as often as you'de like, we are here for you!!!

Liz

Hey Honeybee,

Just checking in to let you know I am thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful evening.  Please stay with us and let us help you.

Hugs

Kitt

Hi honeybee...

When I am in panic-mode like you are just now..mornings are just ghastly...aaargh! The good news is that you will get thru all this and be stronger for it - I promise :)

You're under heaps of stress just now...and it is completely understandable that you are feeling so uptight.

Write a list of all the things that you have to sort out over the next month..prioritise them...start with the little jobs first and build up your confidence..before you know it you will be getting your life sorted and leave the Panic Stuff behind and wonder what on earth the big fuss was about.

Maree

Hi Honey Bee,   You need to give yourself some credit because you are being strong through this extremely difficult time.  It's no wonder you feel so anxious and stressed, you certainly have good reason to.  Unless people actually experience the anxiety and panic like we do, they just don't understand what it's like to deal with this.  So please don't feel like a freak because you are far from it.   I am glad that you are see a different doctor and I hope that goes well for you.  Kitt has some great suggestions for you and I know you have tried different things to help you with the anxiety.  There are two threads on this page that may be interest to you and you may find something in them that will help.  One is the Relaxation Techniques thread and has some great techniques that may be useful.  The other is CBT Therapy - What is it?  It has some information on this type of therapy and may also be useful to you.    Hang in there through the toughest time of your life - many of us know what it's like for a marriage/relationship to break up and it's not easy.  Just remember to give yourself a break and not be so hard on yourself.  This is a tough time and you will need to take things one day at a day and take lots and lots of baby steps.   Please keep us up to date on how things are going for you.  We are here to help and support in this, so come here to vent, cry, ask questions, etc.  We care about you.   Take care, Wen

Just stopped in to say Hi Honeybee..hope you're feeling a little better today after all the words of wisdom from all our lovely members...and if you're not I'm sending you many hugs...actually you can have them if you're feeling better too!!! ((((hugs))))) let us know how you're going xxxxxx

Good morning Honey Bee,   I'm just checking in with you to see how you are doing today?  I hope you are feeling better and not quite so overwhelmed.  When you have time, please post to let us know how you are - don't forget, we at Healing Well are here to help and support you.  (((((HUGS)))))   Take care, Wen

Hey Honeybee,

How is your Monday?  We fianly have some sunshine. Please post when you feel comfortable.  We are here for you.

Kitt

Hi guys

Thank you all so much for replying. I am very sorry I haven't replied, I am staying with friends as I mentioned and have had intermittent internet access for a while so it has been hard to come back and reply. I actually burst into tears when I noticed so many of you had offered such kind supported and had not forgotten my post.

You have definately made me feel more 'normal' in terms of the feelings I am experiencing at the moment, especially CaryF who's circumstances sound so very much like my own in terms of the marriage break up etc. Your kind words and care really are amazing, I did not expect such responses and have been feeling really bad about not getting back and responding.

I am trying to be strong and remain positive but it is hard. I have had a couple of pretty bad days this week, the mornings are still awful and I feel like I am having to drag myself out of bed to go out to work. Interestingly though the temp job I am doing (for about 5 weeks now) is probably one of the things that is keeping me going. It is busy and I am getting to know the people who work in the same area as me and they all seem pretty nice. Actually it is quite coincidence as the 3 girls working around my area (1 of which I work closely with) are all within 10 years either side of my age (39) and are all single and have been through some v tough times with their own relationships and at the moment are all looking for a partner for friendship/love etc. Because the job is only temporary and so I am trying to be ultra professional I had not mentioned my current situation until recently but actually they have been really good in offering words of support and advice. I actually do believe that some things happen for a reason so it is interesting that I am working with 3 people like this or maybe there are just more single/divorcees out there than I imagined.

I have been back to the docs who sent me for a whole round of blood tests which are actually all okay to my surprise. It is good but I suppose I was thinking that maybe if something was not quite right there then it would explain the anxiety etc which I have suffered from being very little. Anyway he has prescribed me Dothep (one of the Tricyclic antidepressants). I have been taking it for about a week and a half, up to 50mg on a night now but I have to say as yet I am not feeling any benefit from it. I had not heard of this drug before so would be interested if anyone else has any positive/negative comments about it. I do appreciate though that these things take time to work and he has told me to increase the does in another week and then a further 2 weeks if I don't feel any improvement. I know these things usually take around a month before you start seeing any improvement so I am telling myself to be patient even though I could really do with a boost in feeling better! Unfortunately the practice I am going to (husband and wife) are going away for 3 weeks so I cannot start any therapy yet but I am going to see them as soon as they get back to hear their suggestions. I have also booked on one of their 8 week meditation courses which starts in May which I am hoping will be good as well.

I have been staying with my friends for about 7 weeks now and we had a chat last week that it would be good for me to try and find a place to live nearby. They tell me that they are not pushing me out but that they are genuinely trying to help me take some more steps forward. I am finding this hard as I really don't feel anywhere near strong enough at the moment to be living elsewhere but I understand also that they need to get their own 'family' life back to some normality. So I have taken a deep breath, looked in the paper and found a house actually very close by and am looking to move in to share with another girl the middle of next week. As silly as it may sound to some this is my biggest fear/phobia and has been all my life - having to live on my own as it were. I went straight from my parents to living with my husband and so have never had to do this. I am sure lots of other people have been in the same boat but at the moment I am feeling so fragile it is going to be a big challenge. My feelings and coping skills are actually scaring me at the moment so any advice if anyone has been in the same boat and how they coped would be very welcome. I don't have any of my furniture or personal belongings so will have to buy a few things in the next few days. I feel sad that having had my own life with my hubbie I am now going to move into a rental house with a stranger so this will be a massive challenge. I think this is also adding to my anxiety as it is constantly on my mind that the date is drawing nearer when I am going to have to cope on my own.

Cary's words 'this breakup has caused me to dig deeper than I ever thought possible' really struck a chord for me as that is exactly how I feel at the moment, I feel like I am constantly fighting with my own feelings to try and carry on and make it through the day. I think that I have realised in the past few days that although I didn't initially think I was depressed I think I am now which is why I am finding it hard to move forward and see any positive in continuing to fight all of the very strong anxiety/panic feelings which seem to overwhelm me during the day and night. The shaking is something I have definately felt and the fear and feelings of not being able to make yourself feel better are scaring me. Although my friends are really good people they are totally 'together' people and have no concept of what it feels like to suffer from anything like this. I am still talking with my hubbie but we always seem to start off well on the phone and then the conversation degenerates into arguing. I know that you are all probably going to say that we should not be in contact but I am still in the phase where I am really really missing him and I am feeling lonely, so it is hard not to think of him when he is the first person I have turned to for 22 years. it is even worse that he is doing much better than me and seems to be moving on with his life a lot easier than I am!

Anyway, I am hoping to be able to post regularly both for myself and hopefully help others although at the moment the place I am moving to does not have internet access. Apologies for the long post but thanks again to everyone for your support and care, it really is so appreciated.

Take care and hugs

Honey Bee

Post Edited (Honey Bee) : 4/17/2008 3:18:57 AM (GMT-6)

Honey Bee,

I agree with others who've pointed out how strong you're being through all of this. Even though you may not feel like it at all, you're doing some very important things to take care of yourself. Having a job that keeps you busy is certainly one of them. I'm amazed that you have the presence of mind to think about how professionally you present yourself. I don't think I'd be that with it; you're incredible to be able to.

I'm also glad, though, that you decided to open up, so that you have found folks who you can identify with. Your coworkers sound like a real shot in the arm at a time when you need one. Good for you for looking for and then utilizing all the opportunities you have for support while things are so tough.

I have faith that you'll be able to adjust to living in another house with a new roommate. I'm sure it will be hard sometimes, but it's going to give you yet another chance to see how strong you're becoming, little by little. I think healing from such a loss as you are is a lot like healing from a major physical injury -- you have to expect that it will take a lot of time, and that it will still hurt a lot as you heal, but as you rehabilitate your injury, you see that you're doing just a little better day by day.

Hang in there, and remember that you can always come here for caring and support.

Hugs and good wishes coming your way,

percycat

Dear Honey Bee,

It sounds like you are doing well considering you are still in the shock and awe stage of all of your issue.  I am proud of you for getting to work and I agree, I think your friends are really trying to help you start down a new path of independence.  I know it is very scary for you.

I am going to do my staying in the moment advice for you as it has served me well many times.

Staying in the Moment...............I am sure a few of you have heard me use this phrase..........or as I sometimes refer to it as "Be Where Your Butt Is" I learned this in my 9 months of therapy and now I will try to make it clearer for each of you.

One of the major reasons why we fail to find happiness or to create a unique lifestyle is because we have not yet mastered the art of being.

While we are home our thoughts are still absorbed with solving the challenges we face at the office. And when we are at the office we find ourselves worrying about problems at home.

We go through the day without really listening to what others are saying to us. We may be hearing the words, but we aren’t absorbing the message.

As we go through the day we find ourselves focusing on past experiences or future possibilities. We are so involved in yesterday and tomorrow that we never even notice that today is slipping by.

We go through the day rather than getting something from the day. We are everywhere at any given moment in time except living in that moment in time.

Lifestyle is learning to be wherever you are. It is developing a unique focus on the current moment, and drawing from it all of the substance and wealth of experience and emotions that it has to offer. Lifestyle is taking time to watch a sunset. Lifestyle is listening to silence. Lifestyle is capturing each moment so that it becomes a new part of what we are and of what we are in the process of becoming. Lifestyle is not something we do; it is something we experience. And until we learn to be there, we will never master the art of living well. ^{Reproduced with permission from the Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine}

Revel in independence! Learn, grow, change, which you are doing but the pain is still with you and all I can do is tell you time dulls the pain but you must do this in your own time frame. We are here so take our hand.
Gentle Hugs to you
Kitt

Hi Honey Bee,   I know exactly how you feel about feeling fragile.  I actually had to leave my job because I just wasn't able to function there any more and my work was defnitely suffering from it.  So I felt it best that I not be there and they hire someone who was more capable to do the work.  You are doing a remarkable job at keeping yourself together and being so professional at work - keep up the good work!!!   Remember, that we here at HW know how you feel and are here to support you.   Take care, Wen

Hi Honey Bee

Thanks for being honest in sharing your struggles. I too identify with what you are saying in that it seems that everybody else is doing fine with their life, and this makes the anxiety worse. However, I have found that while people seem ok on the outside, many of them are not ok on the inside. They may not be experiencing the exact same thing as you, but there is some issue that is eating them up.

Another thought that I use to have is that everybody is looking at me and saying things about me. While it may be true that a few may be preoccupied with other people's lives, the truth is that most people are way too busy and preoccupied with their own lives to have oodles of time to think about what's wrong with your life. Just think, if you think rationally, do you spend ooodles of time wondering what other people are doing?

That was an example, but I have found that "changing my thinking" about many things have greatly helped to curb my anxiety and to make it manageable. I can go to work knowing that there isn't a microscope on my life, and even though there may be some people who are talking about me, that doesn't bother me anymore. I cannot preoccupy myself with things that may or may not happen.

This did not happen overnight and it took a long time for me to get to this point, and even though I am successful in managing my anxiety most of the time, something can happen in an instant, and I find that I get a panic attack, like the one I experienced while overseas in China and it seemed to set me back.

Ultimately, what I am trying to say is that life is a process of successes and failures and setbacks. And the most important element is HOPE. Hope that you are going to get better, and that you can manage your anxiety. Keep that hope as your goal. You may not reach it today, tomorrow, or even next year, but's it important to have small little goals and to try them. If you don't succeed the first time, retreat for a little while until your anxiety recedes, then try again. I agree that the success is in the trying.

I hope this post was helpful and encouraging to you.

Please keep us posted.

Blessings,

Ray.