So typical

Alright so this is what happened:

I've been feeling "Weird" for a month... it would take me too long to go into what I mean by that.  Anyway I went to see my GP, who decided to order a CAT scan of my brain... I get there and wait for an hour only to be told that the Dr. made a mistake and I really needed a brain MRI... talk about freaking me out... that was a very unpleasant experience I might add. 

I was told that the results would be in by today so I call this AM and wait for a return call... a nurse calls at 1:30 apologizing for the delay but their system is "down" and they will call me when it's back up (which I'm assured will be shortly), 3pm rolls around and I call back and ask what's going on, I'm placed on hold and then told that someone will call me (I'm getting progressively more nervous) I explain that I have anxiety and she tells me that she will personally give the request to the nurse.  I wait (all the while convincing myself that they haven't called back because they are trying to figure out how to break the news to me)  4:15 rolls around - still no call.  I've had diarehha (sp?) 6 times and feel as though I will pass out. I call back and am once again placed on hold - the girl comes back to the phone to tell me that the Doc will call me once he's seen all his patients... I start crying and ask why the nurse can't just give me the results as I've always been given results by the nurse.  I'm told that the Dr. wants to speak with me and will call me around 5 ish.  I hang up, call my Mom and have her talk me off the roof... oh yeah I'm at work at this point.  Anyway I had to go to a parents meeting for my son's track team and I "MISS THE DOCTORS CALL" while I'm in the meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!  Can you believe that, anyway his message says, "the results from you MRI look ok and we will discuss this further during your appointment on friday"... what the HECK does that mean.  "OK"... I needed him to proclaim in song that I am completely healthy and have the best looking brain he has ever seen.  My interpretation of his message was - "well things look ok (meaning you're not gonna die today) but oh yeah you do have giant lesions all over your brain and therefore you will probably suffer with MS for the rest of your days"

Could someone please tell me why in God's name I have to catastrophize everything and how can I become the person who says "worrying isn't going to change it so I'm not going to worry"  For God's sake I was nearly debilitated by my fear today.... please help me!!!!!  I have been doing this kind of thing to myself for 10 years... I've had enough...

Liz

"Overthinking"....hmmm we are all sooo good at this..time to put the brakes on and take a look at what has been said...

"the results from you MRI look ok and we will discuss this further during your appointment on friday"...

Now to me this means that 'everything seems ok, and just to reassure you he will talk to you about it on friday' - how does that sound?
So relax - easier said than done..I should know lol I am an expert panicker at times!
No use worrying about things that might be...how about dealing with "everything seems ok" - much easier :))
Maree

You guys are the best, as usual!!!!!! I felt a lot better last night after everyone told me the same things although I woke up this morning feeling my idle running a bit high. There are sooo many things that COULD go wrong in this life and I just want to get away from worrying about them. Sometimes I think of my Grandma who passed away last year at 95 and her mother who passed away at 101 and my other great grandma who also lived to be 101... and I think - My God can you imagine sitting there at 90 years old and looking back on how much life you wasted worrying about dying... I can easily picture this scenario but I just haven't yet figured out how to STOP myself from allowing the snowball of miserable panic from cascading daily. I keep thinking that I need to get involved in some kind of therapy but in order for it to be effective I would have to go more than once a month... with a $15 dollar co-pay a pop... then I'm spending $60 bucks a month on it and I can't afford to do that, with four kids, mortgage, car payments, etc..... I wish there was an alternative.

I've already told my children that one will be a massage therapist, one will be a counselor, one will be an acupuncturist, and one will be a chiropractor... I think this seems reasonable don't you, lol.

Liz

Liz! What a wonderful idea, may I also suggest to add to the list: peronal chocolate supplier, hug giver, and general all-round reassurer (I made that word up for you lol!)..glad you are feeling a bit better and keep busy (with four kids that's a given huh??) xx