Anxiety and parenting

Well I want to tell my story but I often feel like it is just stupid and so many people have other more important issue that cause their anxiety. Mine has reached such a high level that I just need to put my thoughts out there with hopes that someone feels the same way or I can get advice on how to handle it so that each and everyday I am not feeling like this.


My two kids social lives and where they fit in just worries me all the time. I guess I was always that person trying to fit in HS and just could never find my way. My kids are very good looking and I want to see them enjoy HS. My youngest is on and off with her boyfreind. Right now they are on. He is head over heals for her. She seems very happy but I just can't tell. I worry so much that she is going to hurt him again and look like the bad person. He is so good to her. The perfect boyfriend who wants to be with her all the time. He treats her very well. I have so much anxiety because I feel like she doesn't see it and will ruin something good. She comes to me for advice all the time and I feel like I tell her what to do but I guess I have a hard time because she doesn't say or do what I would do. It leaves him at times wondering where things are at because he is worried too. The whole texting drives me insane. I have showed her how some responses can be taken out of context and she comes off as wrong.



But since I worry constantly about this she is feeling it because I am constantly asking questions and repeating myself. There are days she is very patient with me and there are days she blows a gasket. I know that this is all apart of growing up and they need to make mistakes. I have a good friend who tells me that all the time. I just can't seem to get past it and it sometimes takes over my every thought. Stupidly, I loose sleep over it as well. I feel like my mind makes more out of than it really is. I just wish it would stop.



The thing is when I give her advice or steer her in the right direction sometimes she fights me on it but in the end she comes back and said you were right.

Hi suzyq , Welcome to HW !! Please don't ever feel like you are asking a stupid question . I feel your pain . I have a 22 yr old son and I worry about him constantly . We love our kids so much we don't want them to go through what we did . I would love for my son to listen to me , and learn from my mistakes . But they just have to learn on their own . And yes he has came back and said "you were right mom " .

Your daughter is very young and will probably have many boyfriends in high school and college before she finds Mr. right . Children in high school tend to think they know everything , and I guess we just have to be there when they fall . Maybe when they are 30 yrs old we will stop worring about them ( i doubt it ) . And one more thing I used to lose sleep too , worring , but quess what ? They are sleeping like babies .

Hopefully we have raised them right and they will come out just fine . Stop worring mom !! easy to say , not easy to do .
hugs Megie

Suzyq you sound like a wonderful mother. Its normal for us to worry about our children. Funny thing is my now 28 year old daughter finally drove me to seek therapy because her actions were causing me so much anxiety. We can only guide our children in the ways to go, but once they reach a certain age, try as we might, they are still going to make their own decisions. Because of the drama my 28 year old brought into my life I have learned thru therapy that I am not responsible for the choices my children make. They are there own persons. I know that I did not bring her up to behave in the manner she is acting, so I am slowly learning to let go. Its soooo hard. I too lose sleep worrying about them and all my girls are adults. God Bless you and just keep guiding her in the way she "should" go and hopefully she will hear your words in her when she is making a decision and make the right choice.

Thanks for all of your advice.  I am trying to back off from her and it is so hard.  Yesterday my anxiety levels were so high.  She was in a great mood and said she is happy so I didn't pressure for any information.  I do have to speak to her about some things I read on her phone about him pressuring her but I am waiting for a time that she will listen to me. But I have a tendency to exaggerate thoughts in my head and alot of "what ifs" all the time. Even yesterday after school when I saw she was not texting him I was worried and he did not show up at her game.  Later that night she said she heard from him after school but was a sleep when she got back to him he feel a sleep but then was talking to him before bed.  Something simple like that I had all kinds of thought running through my head. I just wish I wasn't this way.  When speaking to her friends mom about her daughter and boyfriend she tells me she checks in once a week and really doesn't worry until she sees a reason too. Boy I wish I could be like that!

It's the over thinking and worrying too much that gets me.  I am not even going to get into what is on my mind right now as I type because it really is stupid.  But I just hate how I over think situations. I am such a "what if" person and almost make up in my head what is going to happen and it may never.  Then I spend the whole day worrying to find out I was not even close to what could happen. But I have to say there are sometimes I am right and what I worry about happens.

Hi Suzyq,   Please don't think that whatever is on your mind is stupid.  We want to know what your thinking and going through so that we can do our best to help you; but we can't do that if we don't know what's going on.    The "what if's" are hard to deal with and you have to try not to think that way (easier said than done, I know), but it will be better for you if you can stop thinking that way.  We all have worries that come true and some worries that don't; I think that's just part of life.  But those of us with anxiety issues tend to make them into much bigger issues than they really are.  Unfortunately, it's part of our nature.  I hope that in time, you will be able to get this under control and maybe not worry quite so much about all the "what if's".  Are you on any meds?  If not this may be an option for you, but you really need to talk with your doc about that to see if that's a good way to go.  Just a thought for you to consider.  Remember, we care about you and want to know what you are feeling and thinking so that we can help you - so keep posting.   Take care, Wen

HI and Welcome
I am going thru something simuliar with my daughter Cait / yet different
I do not like her boyfriend though
He is good to her in front of us but has made the odd slip showing us he is a liar and he is controlling
Cait is I feel in this relationship just because she feels sorry for him
It is always something "new" going on that he is hurting about and so on........

I have learnt and been told by a few ppl here that I love with all my heart not to say anything bad to her about him as it will just push her closer and I am starting to see that so I now shut my mouth lol ( hard for me ) and say nothing.........
Cait is catching on ( to his lies and other things) and she will end up breaking up with him when she feels it is time I am sure......

YOU do sound like a great Mom wanting only the best for your daughter just as I do
KNOW you doing your very best
I do wish you all the best in this situation and I do hope you will continue to post and get the support you need
It was the hardest thing and still is to let Cait make mistakes I want to protect her ya know .......
BUT in all honesty we have to let them grow learning by mistakes they make IMHO anyways

Take care and Stay with us

LYN