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AWOL Husband

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Posted 6/5/2008 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
So proud of you S.I.S.

I knew you would make it thru all of this and dry........
Love ya tons
S.I.S.
Posted 6/6/2008 2:52 AM (GMT 0)

Thanks percy, that boundary fence is UP and electrified (oh yeah!)...I will not repeat that mistake.

Lyn, sweetie, thanks, love you too (((hugs)))

So far no threatening phone calls or repeat sightings, I don't want him coming near my guy because he has been violent in the past.  The more I get over the shock, the more I remember that I don't like this guy at all.  I love him, but I don't like him.  Does that make any sense or has my brain finally gone soggy la-la?

Posted 6/6/2008 3:10 AM (GMT 0)

Meg,

I understand exactly what you mean.  Yes you still have feelings for him as you shared a life but to have him around and a threat to your happiness or to your sweet guy is scary.  I doubt that he is going to spend the time or money to come to see you as he is mostly all big talk.  If he does,  call the police and don't let him in. 

I will pray for him to just stay away and you can move forward knowing this is not a person you want in your life anymore.............he is just a memory. 

My advice to you tonight is to judge with your mind, not your heart. Remember the bad times (but don't forget the good) If you ever get the urge to go back to this man just think of the worst things he did or said to you.

You have my love and support, be careful and take care of you or I shall grab the carpet and be down to kick some butt.  No one messes with my friends.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 6/6/2008 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Meg,

Hear, hear! I was involved with a guy once whom I loved but didn't like. It was definitely my gut instinct trying to warn me because he turned out to be a destructive narcissist. I'm still recovering from the damage to my self-esteem from that one, and it was nearly 20 years ago. I can't help but wonder if that's what motivates someone to disappear with no contact for years and then want to "make amends." Of course, you are certainly the best judge of that in your case; I'm just...I think "projecting" is the psychological term.

Be safe, and move on, knowing that your instincts and conclusions about Mr. AWOL are correct.

Love,
percycat
Posted 6/7/2008 1:45 AM (GMT 0)
Thankyou Percy and Kitt for great advice and support. I always know I can trust you.

Percy, I am sincerely sorry you had that bad experience..why do we take so long to trust our faithful old gut?

Kitt, thanks, I know you won't let anyone mess with me, just as I wouldn't let anyone hurt you.  I'd be on that flying carpet toot sweet.

Mr AWOL has taken to leaving pleading and then threatening messages on my phone which is not nice at all.  It sounds like he is drunk or maybe on something stronger? He says I am being a bitca because I won't listen to him and give him a chance to explain.

I know he had serious mental health issues when he left and so he is pleading with me to be sympathetic to him.  It tugs the heart strings you know.  But I try and remember the bad things he did when he says this.  If he acts like an adult, comes to see me (with permision and planned) I will do it, but for now I feel scared and trapped.  I just wish he would crawl back under whatever hole he has been hiding in again right now.

I do not need this.

Posted 6/7/2008 3:17 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Meg

I do not believe this is a safe person for you to be around or even to talk to.  He is already starting with the threatening behavior.  I can forgive people a lot but I do not believe that people with mental health issues can use their disorders to hurt others and not conform for the same rules and laws as the rest of us.  If he has received help for his issues he would not be threatening you or calling you names.

Sweet Meg, ask your self a couple of questions about your MIA hubby, Ask yourself these two questions: Does this person lift you  up or bring you  down? Do you  feel better or worse about yourself  after conversations  with this person? Being around toxic people can be very draining, leaving you with a less-than pleasant feeling. Toxic relationships can actually damage your health. Migraines, stomach aches, depression, stress and tension can result from a toxic relationship.

I am concerned for you and I want you to be safe and happy.  You may consider taking any calls from him.  Let him fade back into the place he has been for the last 5 years.

Love you my friend and I know you will do what is best for you.  You have all my support.

Kitt

Posted 6/7/2008 9:07 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt, I am trying to beat down a kidney infection.  I belive HE  has (helped to) cause my body to stress so much it is attempting to shut down.  He will not win me back I assure you but, the police have littlle regard for phonecalls made from who knows where??? Hate it, but I stay strong.  I care for him, wish him well, just wish he would get help before attempting to make peace. Love you hon.

I too have a mental illness so I will not judge, but I will listen when he has addressed it.

Gramps, I wish you were here too, we would have a nice roo steak and kick some ex butt! I thank you for your kindness and non-judgement...stay well my friend (((hugs)))

 

Posted 6/8/2008 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
Meg,

Just in case you need to turn to the police for further help, here are some things to do that would make that easier:

Keep a log of when he contacts you - date and time. The topic/subject or tone help too.
Keep copies of the voice mails, etc.
Tell him directly that you don't want further contact from him.
Don't respond to him at all after that; if he's the narcissist I suspect he is, any contact, even to argue, just gives him the "feed" he craves and keeps him pestering.

I'm not trying to scare you, it's just that I was in a similar situation (with a different narcissistic creep of a guy), and this is what my lawyer advised. That way, if I had needed to bring in the police, I could have documented the problem thoroughly enough for them to actually do something.

Clearly, your ex has not moved on at all from the place he was in when he ran away five years ago. You have. Leave his poison in the past where it belongs.

Love,
percycat
Posted 6/8/2008 6:10 AM (GMT 0)

Sssshhhhh. no phonecalls today, what a blessing. Hopefully he is too hungover in his hole to do anything. devil

Gramps, I want to try some of that Chicago pizza...no roo or croc, I promise.  Do they do blue-vein cheese? mmmmmm. I promise I will not let Mr Mr destroy my life.  He is doing a good job of ruining any love or hope I held for him all by himself.  I am strong aussie woman (altho a tad on the petite side - I can still land a good kick in the right place),

Percy, sweetie, I will start keeping a log as of NOW.  I know things will get worse before they get better, but I am all-together in my head now about what I have to do.  He can live in his poison world. I'm not joining in.  I forgive his illness, but I will stay wary.  Hopefully I can make him see he needs help and then we can talk about what has been.  Until then I stay safe (Kitt has sent me a big, burley guard - I think he's a Harley rider too!)

Love you both very much x

Posted 6/9/2008 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
Monday public holiday and I have the phone off the hook.....ahh silence. I think Gramps that I felt that "bleu" shot!! Yummo.  I am on project gain weight at the mo so all extra calories are much appreciated. Lyn kind of opened my eyes that 80 poundsish not so good...

I thank you all for sharing in my diligant fear. Lets hope he falls on his head devil In a nice way....

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