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It happened... and I'm scared :'(

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Posted 6/19/2008 11:53 PM (GMT 0)
I finally got to my new doctors office and saw a therapist but I'm scared :\ The main point is I'm anti social and I have real issues with meeting new people lately... the therapist was kind of nice and believed I'm ocd/depressed/anxious suffer from Panic Attacks, also gave me some real good advice about alcoholism as in another reason not to take it with medications. But... the fact is .... the intake worker who was taking care of my paperwork who was good and all I was scared to death of the whole procedure, the paperwork... I didn't even have enough time to read the words on it... I had a minor anxiety attack in the building, hopefully I swear to god the alcoholism and medication is making me suffer this bad because of all that it's done to me and there's hope to recover, but I'm so scared of even going back in 2 weeks :(... I just ... it's like I didn't feel comfortable there but I'm so messed up even right now I'm worried at home... worried that as usual I'm not good enough and never will be ... oh boy it is very uncomfortable and dampening to one's spirits...
Posted 6/20/2008 12:39 AM (GMT 0)
Paulos

I am so sorry things are rough for you but may I suggest you consider going to an inpatient rehab for the alcohol and deal with that demon first. I think you have so many things going on you are just plain overwhelmed.

IMHO if you keep drinking you will never be able to deal with the other dx as meds and alcohol do not mix.

Please seek help for the drinking first and know you cannot do it alone.

Look into AA.  Here are a couple of links for you.

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/meetaa/AA_Meetings.htm

Keep posting my  friend and do not give up.

Kitt


 

Posted 6/20/2008 12:42 AM (GMT 0)
I've tried AA that isn't going to work for me, point is I WILL stop drinking this time... I just have to face the demon this way. I won't mess up again, I cannot deal with anything inpatient... and you're right about having so many things going on at once that I'm plain overwhelmed...
Posted 6/20/2008 9:43 PM (GMT 0)
Paulos,

It sounds like you made it through the roughest session: the intake. It is so overwhelming to read all those questions, and try to think of all the times you've experienced what they're asking about. I also have to take a long time to think about what the questions really mean. For instance, the question might say "Have you ever experienced back pain?" Well, yeah, but that's not what I'm there for, and it was decades ago and is healed now, so do I answer "yes" or "no"? Silly things like that. It can take me forever to fill out a medical history at a new doctor's. I start writing my answers in the margin because there's not room to do anything but check the "yes" or "no" box, and neither of those is the right answer for me.

I have faith in you. I know you're struggling, and that you will have successes and slips, but the sheer fact that you're trying so hard to take on all your demons is really something. I honestly don't know more than half a dozen people that would go through with that. Lots would say they are, or start, but in just a couple days, they'd realize they weren't really committed to the task.

*You* are definitely showing incredible commitment to getting well. That makes you a role model, IMHO.

Big hugs,
percycat
Posted 6/21/2008 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
I used to work in probation and we had some anti-social clients. They were afraid of our crowded waiting room. I would get their cell numbers and let them wait in their car or outside. They would get checked in w/ reception via cell and then I would call their cell when it was their turn. No sitting in the awkward waiting room. If this would make your trip to therapy easier ask your therapist if you can use this option until you get more in control of it.
Posted 6/21/2008 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Paulos

I agree intake is stressful and for me it is because I have answered these questions so many times. Also as you get older your intake history gets longer.................. devil

Now days I go to the clinic and you check in in the Mental Health area so I walk right in with my head up and remind myself that no one else there really gives a fig-nooten why I am at the clinic as they have their own problems.

Take care my friend and work on the most important issue you have and you will do well.

Hugs

Kitt

 

Posted 6/22/2008 1:47 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Paulos,

As Percy pointed out you are making a HUGE commitment towards recovery.  I really respect that. I loved what Fitzy said about not having to wait in the crowded waiting room. Maybe you could discuss this with your therapist as part of your treatment plan. I know how hard you have fought to get where you are today, and I belive you can keep going. AA isn't for everyone (especially if you don't like groups) but you can sometimes find good advice by reading the Big Book (the fat blue one) supplied by AA. It talks of struggles and successes. I find the stories at the back help me stay sane. I would reccomend getting a copy of that as a start for sobriety. I wish you all the best as always, please don't feel like a downer. You should see me some days yeah?!

Posted 6/22/2008 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
Paulos

YOU said yo will do i this time
become sober
THAT my friend is the key
'YOU have to want this for you .......
YOU have to want to be sober
I have told my story and I dont know if you have read it or not
I hope so and I hope it has something that may help you

Like Megs I read the "blue book" daily that may be a way for you instead of meetings ya know due to your fear of crowds and lotsa ppl

Paulos
I DO wish you all the best I truly do and I DO know my friend HOW HARD this is ............

YOU will be so much happier once you start becoming who you want to really be.....
YOU.......
Sober and being in treatment with a therapist
Iam so PROUD of you
That is a huge step you have taken already

REMEMBER we are here for you
If you need to talk plz email me
I am here as are the rest of your family at HW .........
Great input from all and the links from Kitt are fantastic too
It is NOT an easy road at all I will not say it is ...
BUT you have many here that are on that road have travelled it and will be here for you

One Day At A Time
.........Steps ......Baby steps...........
Be proud and like Kitt said hold head high

Yours in Sobriety.....LYN
Posted 6/24/2008 1:15 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for caring all... yeah I'm not good with papers/documents it seems... lately I haven't been good with anything... Day 8 off booze and Day 28 without Lamictal which is good. I don't really know what to do anymore, I cried pretty hard today after playing a game that I was just checking out and... how I can't remember where I was at in it... feeling like I didn't understand why at the time when I saved it *like a year or two ago*... made me think my memory is bad again and just couldn't really deal with it well... man... it never really ends. I'm a hopeless character.....
Posted 6/24/2008 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
Paulos,

I doubt that any of us could remember details of a saved program from over a year ago, so please don't beat yourself up. Even a day or two ago, I wouldn't remember exactly where I was in a game unless I had written down the key moves.

You are putting together a fantastic chain of successes in your life and if they have to come in baby steps, so be it. What's so very important is that you are conquering some extremely hard issues.

Big hugs,
percycat
Posted 6/24/2008 1:30 AM (GMT 0)

You have come such a long way Paulos, really, I think you are great for getting through all these challenges. It will take time for your brain to get back to 100% normal. And what is that anyway?! Be gentle with yourself, things will come together for you, and congrats on the sobriety. That's just amazing.

Hugs

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