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Update on vacation - Heading home tomorrow

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Posted 6/27/2008 6:52 PM (GMT 0)

Well, the first few hours of the trip down here were pretty bad with my Lymphocytic colitis issues, but praise the Lord my stomach settled down and we were able to make the rest of the trip pretty easily.  I am very nervous about heading home tomorrow as of a repeat of last time and there are some longer bridges that we have to go over that I didn't do so hot on as we came in.  Anxiety wise I haven't done too well going out and stayed mainly in the room.  I have made it to the beach once and pool once successfully.  I was VERY proud of that! 

Most of my time has been spent in the room doing laundry, cooking, cleaning (not much of a vacation huh?!?!) - but also have gotten to spend alot of time with the kids playing card games, dominos, watching movies and hanging out.  I just have been a little depressed watching other families go out to dinner, play on the beach, and such I just feel sort of worthless, but my husband proved a point to me this morning.  He asked the kids if they had a good vacation and if they felt like they missed out on anything and all they could come up with was my son said "parasailing"... LOL  Everyone had a good time - thanks to my WONDERFUL husband who has taken those kids to the beach and pool at least twice a day!  Now to just make the ride home and I will feel so much better!  I really want to start seeing a new doctor about all my anxiety but I am so sensitive and have issues with meds and I don't want to start anything new while I am trying to start new meds for my other conditions so a I have to wait I guess right now. 

I hope you guys are all doing well.  I will try to catch up on everyone's posts - I am using my husband's laptop to post this and check in. 

Blessings,

Leah

Posted 6/27/2008 8:45 PM (GMT 0)

Leah,

You have succeed in going on vacation and you did it your way.  The kids had fun and when we see our children having fun that makes us feel warm and fuzzy.  Solook what you have given them .........memories, family memories.

Don't think about those bridges tomorrow, they will be behind you before you know it.  I am so happy for you and very proud of you.

Bless you and have a safe trip home.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 6/28/2008 1:04 AM (GMT 0)

Leah,

I am so proud of you! That is wonderful news, I'm sure that the kids didn't miss out on anything beacuse you are both such wonderful parents. I know as a kid if I got to go to the beach AND have an icecream then I was as happy as could be! Ahh to be youn again. Kitt is right, don't think about the bridges, you will make it home safe and sound and proud.

Posted 6/30/2008 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
Well, we made it home after 12 LONG hours in horrible traffic, rain and panic for me! I had one of the worst panic attacks I have had in years. I think after the hours of being on edge with all the traffic (I am not a good passenger at all!) and the rain I just snapped at the end of the trip. I almost felt like I was blacking out I got so anxious - this has only happened to me one time before when I was pregnant on a plane before take off and I had to get off the plane. My husband was able to help me talk myself down and we got off the highway and I took 1/2 xanax (as I am afraid to take more!) and was able to make it home b/c we were only about an hour away by then. I am going to try to find a psychiatrist on that is on our insurance this week to call and make an appointment. I don't know if I can start any new meds right now, but I can at least decide what step to take next. After this incident I am of course afraid of what if it happens again and all of it keeps replaying in my mind. I haven't felt that out of control of my body with anxiety in over 12 years! It was VERY scary! I just praise God it was short and I was able to talk myself down and knew what was happening (at least I was a little rational in all the chaos).

Thank you for all your kind words. I think what made the trip so much harder was I was so worried about my son. He also suffers from Lyme disease like I do and he was quite sick on the way home. I don't know if he was having a flare which can make him sick or just really car sick, but he was feeling pretty bad. I was just so thankful to get home!! You couldn't pay me to go on another vacation right now! Thanks again for all your support. I pray everyone is doing well.

Blessings to all,
Leah
Posted 7/1/2008 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
Leah,

I'm glad you're all home safe and sound. What a grueling ride it sounds like! Your son's discomfort almost surely added to how nervous you felt. Plus, you've been in a strange place, concerned about the family for quite a while, so you didn't have as strong a foundation for facing the ride home as you did when going the other direction. I mean, for most of us, our houses are are "safe places." You left for your vacation from your home, but you left to drive back from a place where you'd been anxious a lot. So your mental resources were already depleted.

Anyohw, I'm glad to hear that you're looking into what steps might make things better for you. Try to be patient and forgiving with yourself. It sounds like you did your best on the drive. And overall, the kids confirmed that they had a great vacation. Be proud of yourself for making that trip possible for them!

Hugs,
percycat
Posted 7/1/2008 12:56 AM (GMT 0)

Leah,

You managed to talk yourself down, don't forget that. You are strong woman! Possibly all the stress combined: travel, your son, your conditions and traffic helped you have a whammy of an attack. Know your limits, and be proud of all that you did achieve. Your kids had a blast! You did all the right things. Take care of you now, k?

Posted 7/2/2008 12:44 PM (GMT 0)
Leah, good job. The effort in going is where you gain all the points.


As for not wanting to go for therapy because you don't want to take more meds? I'm not quite clear on that. Why would you have to take more meds? Dr's are not going to force you to take meds.
Get yourself into therapy just to start with cognative / talking and learning techniques to getting over this terrible fear you have.

Keep up the fight
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