Having some bad worries tonight, bad real bad.

Hi all, sorry I don't chip in and do my part to help others on this forum... I'm real sorry about that but I'm afraid I must pester you all once again. I woke up today at like 5:30pm... *lovely time schedule* only to find out the new doctors office I'm going to is most likely not going to give me my Xanax, which helps me cope with life. Consider that an addiction perhaps yes, and it could be giving me side effects I didn't know Benzos could bring memory loss/concentration problems...

However I'm finding myself harder to express things... I feel bad, worried that I won't be able to handle my house alone someday, I feel I always need to have my hand held, and I'm really afraid that someone will challenge me for my house/living quarters... and I'm not even good enough in them anyway, like shopping lists I'm not so great at, my mother has to make my calls for my doctor appointments... it's like I suck in almost everything. People say "you can do it, just try it" but my anxiety/fear gets the best of me, and they speak of cognitive therapy... I DO THAT ALL THE TIME to keep myself from bouncing off the walls, and then again I do the opposite talking to myself about how bad things are... it's just ... I feel I've lived the best years of my life and now that I see how scary things can be in the real world/reality *by even merely watching a show like The Simpsons that explains about American Culture in comedy* I get scared... just thought I'd share that.

Paulos,

Good Morning my friend,

I understand how you feel when people say you can just do it.  Each of us is different and some can do one thing while others use another method.

I do believe, however, that you have many good years ahead so please don't give up.  It is ok to have people help  you, you not doing well and when we are in trouble we turn to others for help.

You come here and you trust us to befriend you and to me that says alot...........you still have trust.  You trust us with your fears as well as your hopes.

I hope your physician will be able to help you get on the right medications and know were are all here. Remember it is a 2 way street here , we all give and take.  Your posts give to us insight into how your anxiety is for you.  We take that information and compare it to how we are and attempt to help you with what your are going through.

You are not a pest. 

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

I can agree with Lyn on that one. It works for the short term, but then you suffer....oh my yes...

Meg

Paulos,

How are you doing today, my friend?

I understand your concerns about someone questioning your ability to live alone. However, on the positive side of that scale, any challenge would have to take into account your intelligent weaning off of your meds, and *most especially*, your decision and efforts to stay sober. The fact that you have made such choices for yourself and had success (yes, I know there are a few slips, but everyone has those) speaks volumes about your ability to take care of yourself.

The other things like paying bills or phoning the doctor are tasks that you might choose to tackle *later*. However, you've proved in spades that you're capable of defeating some very tough aspects of living alone, and so you're very capable, dear friend, of tackling others when you're ready.

It's scary to think that someone outside - your mother, government, etc. - might challenge your right to live alone. I think that happens to many folks, but usually not until they're elderly. You're having to deal with it now, and it's frightening, I know. Try to stay in the moment, as Kitt would say. You hae accomplished much, and you show each and every day that you're able to function very intelligently and determinedly on your own.

Love and hugs,
percycat

Happy late 4th of July all, sorry I wasn't around... been sidetracked, mind has been bad... got a major headache right now and dizzy. Uhh I'm dealing with fears/worries as usual... forgetfulness and such, and no Lyn I am no longer drinking, it's permanent I am officially through with booze. Day 25 without it, haven't felt better yet but I'm waiting... Day 45 without Lamictal, so I'm doing that at least...

 PAULOS

I am so bleeding PROUD of you ............

If you EVER need to talk plz do emial me okay about anything

LYN

Hey Paulos,

Whoooo Hooooooooo, you are doing great.  I agree with you, don't try to tackle to many goals at one time.   Go slow as your body needs to adjust and it is better to go slow and wean off the meds without a lot of side effects then to just stop meds and get into a situation where you have to just start them again.

That will make you feel like a yo-yo. 

Lyn has her email available if you want to drop her a note.

Bless you and take care

Kitt