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Anxiety back 24-7 for no reason - sigh - WITH reason NOW

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Posted 8/11/2008 11:45 AM (GMT 0)
Folks,

I'm back to fighting my anxiety nearly all day every day for no reason that I can tell.  In fact, I just had a really successful business meeting and a nice weekend outing, but I can't stop obsessing about worrisome things.  First, there are unrealistic what-ifs about that nasty guy from my past who's been out of the picture for over two years.  Then, my health anxiety is back - yesterday I went for a short hike with the dog and halfway through convinced myself that I was having an anaphylactic allergic reaction (I had my throat get tight although I was definitely breathing fine and talking to the dog, also the "sense of doom" and digestive cramps very briefly); I was freaked because I was out in the woods alone with no phone and no EpiPen.  Mind you, I've been tested for *lots* allergies and nothing has ever registered, plus a web search (*don't* do it when your health anxiety is up!) indicates that anaphylaxis occurs from eating, ingesting, or injecting the allergen.  I plan to have a followup appointment with my ENT doctor (allergist) to get her reassurance about *WHY* it wasn't anaphylaxis - she's *very* good about recognizing my anxiety and helping me to deal with it.  On my business trip, I had several occasions while driving of the same sort of thing - the throat tightening - and I can't get back into that mindset where I completely trust that it's just my reflux.

But it's not just the health.  This morning, I woke up feeling dread, without any particular focus for it at all.  So anyway, I'm going through a bit of a struggle and just wanted to talk about it.

percycat

Post Edited (percycat) : 8/12/2008 8:01:38 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/11/2008 12:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Percycat,
I feel ya girl. I am totaly going backwards instead of fowards with all of this. I am here if you want to talk or email me or anything. I will keep you in my prayers. I think it's a good idea for you to see your doc about your symptoms. It probly is anxiety but just to be on the safe side I'd check it out. And are you on any medicine right now? For anxiety? You could be getting sort of immune to your medicine. I think I am getting immune to my Paxil. It seems to work too well during the day and not at all at night. I hope you get some relief. And I'm glad that your back and posting again. I'm here if ya wanna talk. Love to you!!!
Rachel
Posted 8/11/2008 12:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Percycat we all have ups n downs. Hopefully ur down doesn't last too long n u'l be up again soon. At the wkend I had a weird dreamwhich left me a big sense of dread. I woke up basically having an anxiety attack had to stop for 2minutes jus to tel myself it was jus a dream.

Do you think the business trips cud be stressing u out? Hope your hav gud day today :P

Badfish

Posted 8/11/2008 4:03 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Percycat,

Hugs to you dear friend.  Lets help get you back on track.  Remember the realistic self-talk.

Realistic self-talk: While we can't always control what happens to us, we can always control what we say to ourselves. It's important to keep things in perspective. Talk to yourself in reasonable ways. Ask yourself "how likely is my fear?" Remind yourself that you have coped before during other challenging times. Don't just dwell on the negative but consciously look for things you can appreciate every day.

Make an effort to stay focused on what's happening now. What do you see, hear, and smell? How do you feel? Truly be 'present' in the moment! That will help you keep the anxiety down.

I am glad to hear your being your own best advocate and planning on seeing your physician. 

Also know that we are here for you and I support you, I know what your going through.  I live this same life.  I understand.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 8/12/2008 6:20 PM (GMT 0)
All,

My health anxiety just won't let go right now! Here's another little problem that I posted about on the allergy forum. I hope they don't say anything scary in reply!

"I was away from home for a week or so and now that I'm back, every morning when I shower I get tiny bumps on my stomach and buttocks. They don't itch, they're *not* red, they're not blotchy, and I can't really see them very well, but I can feel them all over within about 5 minutes of stepping in the shower. My soap and shampoo haven't changed, and today I tried turning the temperature down but they didn't go away. They're always gone within about 20 minutes of ending my shower.

Any thoughts? Also, can this rash hurt me? Nothing else happens - no wheezing or coughing or sneezing or anything but the tiny goosebumpy rash. I'm getting in to see my PCP tomorrow and am in the market for a dermatologist as well (I have terrible health anxiety and so always check things out thoroughly). One of the doctor's web pages indicates that he specializes in dermatologic immunology. Is that what I should be looking for?"

I posted it under a thread where folks were talking about water allergy, which is ultra rare, and so I'm trying to hang onto my reminders that really rare diseases don't happen to everybody that fears them. Thus, it's so unlikely that I have that, and much more realistic that instead, it's something else. Besides, if I were *suddenly* allergic to water, why did it not occur while I was away on my business trip or weekend outing? I try to talk my anxiety down by telling myself all the things that would be *reasonable* to have happened and then noting how many, many ways what I'm experiencing is NOT like those things.

Help!

percycat
Posted 8/13/2008 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
Well, everyone, I'm really frustrated on top of being scared right now because I've become afraid of the water in my house. The post above describes what's been happening since I got back from a few days away. Every morning in the shower I get little pimply bumps - not red, not itchy, not blotchy - on my flanks. Yet I'm terrified that I'm allergic to something in the water (no new soaps or anything, so it's not the soap) and that drinking it will make me have an anaphylactic reaction. Mind you, I've never had a serious allergy in my life. And I drank some twice today - once in the doctor's office - with no problems.

I think the reason my mind is attached to allergies is because when I had my first panic attack - brought on unknowingly by my reflux - the only thing the ER doc and my regular doc could think it was was an allergic reaction. My regular doc kind of scared me at the time by saying how having an allergic reaction where only your breathing was involved was very serious, and he prescribed me some Epi-Pens. For three years, the only other diagnosis that came up during dozens of trips to the ER was anxiety, yet that didn't seem right to me: my anxiety always came on *AFTER* I couldn't breathe. So I kept fearing some yet untested allergy.

Anyhow, I got into a pattern of fear of the unknown with my health, since no doctors had any answers. The closest thing to an answer was the idea of allergies. I had surfed the web and found scary stories about them, and all of that just percolated for those three years. So now I'm fixated on being deathly allergic to something and having it kill me out of the blue. The water causing the pimples makes me fear what happens when I drink it, yet I drink it anyway and then freak over every little bodily sensation that happens after.

*sigh*

Sorry for the long post. I'm just really agitated now. I think my therapist and I need to discuss health anxiety for the next several sessions.

Love to all,
percycat
Posted 8/13/2008 2:48 AM (GMT 0)

((((((Percycat)))))))

Your health anxiety is really having a go at you isn't it? I don't know much about allergies, but I certainly understand anxiety..and when it gets you in it's grips it's hard to remember what life is like without it.

Try and keep yourself busy, and know that this bad patch will pass. You have fought this and won before, you will do it again. I just know it. Take care of you, put yourself first..I am sending some huge hugs your way.

Love,

Meg

Posted 8/13/2008 10:25 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Percycat,
Greetings and good thoughts from a fellow anxiety sufferer.I know how totally vile that feeling of dread can be,especially when there seems no logical reason for it.See the fact that you are at least leaving the house as a good thing,even if it feels like hell---I've forced myself to go into town and shop,even though I've ended up weeping in the queue for a taxi.There's nothing wrong in going NOWHERE for a day or two if it feels really appalling.Are you taking any medication for the anxiety?You say the ENT Dr you see is helpful,but do you trust your therapist and feel at ease with them?With your worries about physical symptoms,a dual approach seems a good way to go.It could be that anxiety is manifesting itself as physical symptoms,but not necessarily,of course.I have gone through phases of thinking I had cancer,MS,etc.One obsession goes,another one arrives!
When I'm out and I feel the dread and terror increasing,I literally talk myself home("here's a taxi rank,you don't have to have any conversation with the driver,not far now, soon you'll be in a safe place etc.Talk to yourself as a friend would)Maybe write down what triggered the panic,if you can.(I know that sometimes there seems no reason for it)
Try not to read too much medical stuff on the net---I've done this many times,and have sometimes found I fit every psychiatric diagnosis going.Result of this is anxiety going through the roof!I find this a bad thing to do when I'm already terrified.
I hope you have a doctor you can trust.There's no shame in taking medication(I can honestly say it's saved my life more than once),and in the long term some kind of talking therapy can do real good as well.Mix and match.
I speak as someone who lives in the UK,so don't know what access you have to the kind of services I've mentioned.Sorry if anything I have said is inappropriate.(Whooops!My anxiety is showing!)I would love to hear that things are improving for you.Keep posting! And LOOK AFTER YOURSELF!
Posted 8/13/2008 12:49 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Percy,

I have some crazy skin problems........................... shocked    I have found if I take a nice hot shower or bath that I break out in red bumpy rash all over my legs.  I have had to stick to semi hot showers and no hot tubs for me any more.

The Dermatologist said it is the heat that is bringing out the red bumps.........of course that is just me and I always have the wierd stuff that we run tests to see what it might be and they are normal so then I get ticked off and figure, fine, just another thing to add to my wierdo list. roll

I am with you hun so keep posting as just getting it down on  here helps you share the fears.

Hugs
Kitt 

Posted 8/13/2008 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt, Meg, and Dysthemia,

Thanks for the comforting words.

Fortunately, the shower rash didn't happen today, so I'm feeling a little bit steadier. It will just take a while to bounce back after this round of anxiety. I don't know what made me lose my focus so badly recently, but I think that's par for the course for most of us. It's not just the health anxiety (although that's the biggest trigger) because I'm obsessing about fears related to other things too.

I'll just keep plugging away. And try to "make hay while the sun shines" since I'm kind of functional right now - get some tasks done ahead in case I fall apart again at a time when I can't afford to.

You all help to make things so much better for me. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Love and hugs,
percycat
Posted 8/13/2008 3:34 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Percycat,
Glad to hear from you!Fear can be a terrible disabling thing,especially if you think that people would think you were "mad" if they knew how afraid you are of something they would find quite ordinary.I sometimes think that's the worst thing about severe anxiety:i can dissolve into tears at totally banal things(and don't get me started on things that really ARE sad!)
Have you friends/people/partner/ who love and accept you,whether you are well or otherwise?People who always tell you you're fantastic no matter how much you feel you don't deserve it?Because if you haven't,there are so many people on this site who will tell you that you deserve to be happy and anxiety free,
Please let us all know how things are going;I'm currently having a spell of calmness,with medication.Like you.I'm making the most of a (temporary!)
good time.
Keep well,and above all--keep in touch.
Dysthymia.
Posted 8/13/2008 6:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi I'm new to the forum but thought I could mabey help out. The little bumps that sprout up, they come when you panic? Once when I was younger It happened to me, its like a form of hives.. not dangerous but will scare the life out of you. One thing you can do to help out is go out and buy some lavender oil and a hankercheif. Put some on it and when yiou begin to feel the attacks start to mount take a moment to just breath in the smell. Lavender is a very calming scent. I use it to good effect on occasion, plus it just looks like your wiping your nose so you dont have to get embarrased by it.
Posted 8/13/2008 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
Kranton,

Welcome! And thanks for the really great advice - I'll definitely give it a try.

percycat
Posted 8/13/2008 6:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Percycat,

It amazes me what our minds can do to our bodies! I recently convinced myself I had ovarian cancer...which was probably a mild bladder infection, and even when I went to the dr. all was well. (and then amazingly it went away ) But I swear I was making myself pee about every 20 min (sorry so graphic) Anyway, its the anxiety...

Here is what I tell myself, I work in pharmacology and study disease. Serious disease is not usually subtle, it presents with major problems. Even if there is a minor problem our bodies are very adept at handling them.

Hives can be cause by stress, friend of mine got married and broke out horribly during the ceremony, because of the stress...then they disappeared. Also, maybe you are using a new soap or shampoo that could be irritating.

Hope you are well!!
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