Coping with PTSD?

Buddha.. Not only are you dealing with PTSD and INTP but honey you are also grieving the loss of your dear mother and friend. Of course you will be upset if you remember her in her bedroom... its no big secret. You MISS her terribly.
When we lost everything... and I mean EVERYTHING and EVERYONE....*we went from having a beautiful home, a community that loved us ( small town)... neighbours we considered family ... and a big old family , aunts , uncles, cousins that were always part of your life... my dear mom and sister... my dad and brothers.... EVERYONE and EVERYTHING was gone... overnight. ! We had to pack our one little suitcase and leave with the clothes on our backs. The girls got to choose ONE toy they could bring with them... one chose a doll and the other a big stuffy .
It was horrible... our hearts ached to point of it physically hurting. not only were we all alone but had to worry about staying safe from a very abusive and dangerous man.
I am a very shy person... and was very close to everyone back home , especially my mom and my sister. When I had to leave, I felt like I had lost both my legs and arms. BUT , I had two little girls that depended on me and that held me to this life...forced me to look for positive things....
I'm wondering if getting a pet would be a good idea for you... maybe a rescue animal that needs you as much as you need it... a dog would be a good choie because you would have to get out of the house to walk it... even if it was just in the front lawn... you'd have to force yourself to get him/her some food etc... and believe me , a pet, puppy would add laughter to your life. Their love is so unconditional ... it would love you for the you that is inside all that outward anxiety and hurt.
I know pets did marvelous things for my daughters and I ... sometimes there had been so much crying in one day... and our little pets were the only laughter we'd had...but boy did they do the trick!
Only a suggetion dear one... talk it over with your consellor.
Love you lots... sending healing thoughts and prayers to you
Mary

Hi Buddha and all,

I usually post on the Lyme Forum and one day I will post my story here regarding PTSD, panic attacks, and anxiety. 

I am so sorry for the lost of your Mom, I lost my Dad almost 5 years ago and I didn't handle it very well.  I still miss him greatly as he was not only my Dad but my good friend as well. 

I totally relate to your suffering from PTSD since I was 17 years old (I am 51 now).  I was run over by a car in my legs when I was crossing a major intersection and almost died.  To this day I have horrible fears of main roads so I am phobic.

I went to so many therapists, a program called TERRAP (they helped me as far as learning relaxation exercises). 

I find that when I am relaxed I can handle the fears better compared to days when life stressors hit me hard, then I am terrified of most everything.

Have you tried muscle relaxation or any other form of listening to a tape or CD that gives instructions on how to relax all the muscles in your body?  It really helps me. 

Be gentle to yourself, let the feelings come out.   I don't know if your write at all but I find writing my feelings on paper (knowing you will not show what you wrote), helps me.   Sort of my own personal release of all those feelings build up inside...

I don't know if there is a cure for PTSD.  I think as I have become older I just learned to deal with it a bit better with the methods I described above.  I still have my bad days just like anyone else...  One day at a time, you will get through this and you are not alone.

Hugs,

Denise

Hi Buddha,

That's good that you know how to meditate, you have the tools whenever  you feel like doing it. 

As far as your fear of hospitals, yes it could be a phobic reaction.   I don't know all the details of what you have gone through so I don't know.  If you had a bad experience at a hospital, then naturally you could be having a phobia right now but it will pass in all due time.. 

I get on and off phobia's about driving..  But when I have to drive places I don't want to, I just force myself to do it.. Most of the time I feel better after about 10 minutes after driving, if I don't, then I pull over and start writing away!!  

I also focus on looking at the tree's, sounds of birds, etc. 

I wish you the best of luck with the Vocational Rehab and your doctor's app't tomorrow!

Hang in there, it does get better.

Denise

Buddha443556

Hey there, I am sorry you are feeling so anxious.  I know it is frustrating to go to the physician and come away feeling it was a wasted visit.  Please be careful in trying to deotx yourself..............you have been on some potent meds that will not just leave your system with hot baths.  Your system is used to having these meds.

I do not know all the meds you are on so I cannot comment on the withdrawal sx but please do be careful and out of concern for your health I have to suggest you talk to your Doctor re a safe way to come off your meds.

Please know you have my support.

Gentle hugs and prayers.

Kitt

 

So far the only thing bothering me is a headache but I'm pretty sure I got that from working at the computer all day. Working. Haven't been able to say that in a while. Except for a couple of episodes this morning the days been no problem. Feeling a lot better. No tremors or heart racing today.

Day three, feeling pretty good. I been doing a little work around the house and notice just making the bed has my blood pressure over 160 judging how flushed my hands and arms are. This could be dangerous considering I have to do another 8 hours of community service again. I do the warehouse again, I'm dead. The Mission doesn't take any medical excuses, you do the work or go home. Not really sure what to do about this. The meds make my anxiety much worse. I've only had a couple of episodes since I stopped taking the meds., compared to 3 to 4 a day. I can work again even with the headaches.

Also have these, painful little headaches, that last less than 30 seconds, maybe that the electric shock thing people refer to with Paxil withdrawal. Like getting whack up side the head with a two by four with a great big spike on the end.

Tremors are much less, sometimes I just feel the shakiness without shaking. Heart still races but not as often or as long, no problem this morning but I'm back to waking up every half hour or so. Personally I prefer that sleep arrangement to, the nightmares followed by tremors and heart palpitations. Though I know the insomnia will lead to more intrusive memories during the day.

Images have seemed a wee bit more disturbing since I quit the meds. Sort of surreal. Either way they're disturbing so it doesn't matter.

Hang in there, Buddha. It sounds like you're making little steps of progress day by day, but I know it's still really hard for you. Do keep your doctor in the know about your meds, and take it easy on yourself as much as you can.

percycat

Hey Buddha - I don't know much about your situation but have followed your post and am sending support. A few thoughts... I don't really know what happened with your mom's passing to cause you PTSD, but if your mom's room etc. is a trigger, could you move? It seems like it could benefit you to just be far away from anything associated with her. I have my own anxiety and phobias (particularly about flying) but you have to remember that just because your mom had bad experiences at the hospital does not mean you will too. Don't neglect your health or else you will be in a bad situation when you do go in and that takes the control away from the situation. Regarding your back, why is it a zero possibility for you to have surgery? Is it because of the fear? Remember, they would knock you out cold. You couldn't fear while knocked out nor would you feel pain. It might even be better than day to day life. I am in no way belittling your pain or your memories or your experience, especially because I don't even know what those were... but now that your mom has passed you need to start living for you. And maybe moving to a new city with a new hospital and fresh faces would be easier and less likely to trigger bad memories.

Yes... it might be really helpful to her to know what is going on in your head. If you aren't able to express them verbally... can you write it down.
You having to pull the plug on your mother is a child's worst nightmare... No wonder you are having such a difficult time with this... And YES, you DESERVE to live... now if your mom were to hear you say you don't deserve to live... what would her reaction be. ?
Buddha, you are a caring, sensitive soul. Unfortunately its the sensitive , gentle souls of this world that suffer the most.
I'm worried about your BP.... Now I can understand why you would want to go off Paxil... it isn't for everybody... I was on Paxil and it was awful... my doctor finally put me on Celexa which worked like a charm. Your Bp medication is necessary. Like Fitzy said... you will do more damage to your body and end up in a situation where you will have no choice but to be hospitalized. If you choose to stay off your BP meds... please look up low fat/ heart healthy diets on the internet... maybe the Heart association webb site might have alternative methods to lowering your blood pressure/cholesterol through diet and exercise... relaxation exercises etc.
Buddha, Buddha... I haven't been here for you in the last few days... I'm sorry... Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers...
Hang in there... be GOOD to yourself. You've devoted so much time to caring for your mother... now she would want you to put as much effort into taking care of yourself. !
Mary

Buddha, your mom would thank you for taking her pain away. She wasn't going to recover. Why prolong the suffering. If you knew someone who had a dog howling in pain wouldn't you think that person was mean for not having the dog put to sleep? People don't have that option but we do have the option of taking away the life support. You made the decision your mom would have wanted. You should be proud of that. I am sure she is smiling down from heaven thanking you.

What a lot you are dealing with right now. I won't even pretend to imagine how you are feeling, but try not to get too bogged down in negative thoughts. I have just spent the last three days (wallowing) yes, I was, over the death of my Gran and it did me no good at all. I am not saying you are wallowing, and you have every right to vent and feel all of this emotion honey. I would just hate to see it become the only thing in your life. You are too special for that. I really mean it.

Sincere caring Hugs,

Meg

Buddha,

Big hugs back to you too. It is so important to grieve and I am so glad you are giving yourself the time and permission to do it now. What did your mother love to do most in the world? My Gran loved, just loved prawns, (I hate them) but I went out and cooked a prawn rice and invited some people around to share it. I know she would have loved that. Maybe you could do something like that to honour your memory of her?

Hugs,

Meg

Buddha

That was just beautiful. Whatever you believe in, that is special and meaningfull to you and your loved ones. You have shown such strength..amazing..wow, really. I applaud you for doing that. So sorry for your pain. You continue to amaze me. Let yourself grieve, but remember to let it go with every memory you uphold. Sincere thoughts and hugs, you have a lifeline here.

Meg