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Posted 8/26/2008 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hello,

well, all kinds of things have been going on this summer. Very stressful. My mother had a stroke and was in the hospital for a few days. My brother is having a difficult form of cancer that is puzzling the experts. My dog apparently has a brain tumor (we have an appt. with the doggie neurologist tomorrow). And.... my workplace is again going through buyouts and possibly layoffs and there is word I might get shifted into something different.

Through my mom and my brother's illness, I was not crying and the only emotion I really felt was anger. I was worried about why I felt so numb. It just didn't seem right. And then the stuff at work and with my dear old doggie came at the same time and finally I lost it. At work, of course. I got into an argument with a friend at work and later my boss asked me how I was doing and I just broke down. I spent my lunch break and actually a bit longer curled up under an old desk in an empty room. Just crying and crying.

Before, I thought I was just too numb from my medication (generic Celexa). Maybe I wasn't? It was just buried? And I needed a couple of people to just bring it all out of me?

Does anybody have any thoughts. I have not seen a counselor in about a year. He did say that he thought i seemed to repress my emotions or thoughts or feelings.

I am OK right now. I might get on different medication if things really do get worse, like my brother has inoperable cancer or my dog dies.

-- mother of daisy
Posted 8/26/2008 4:59 AM (GMT 0)
Daisysmom.... honey... it sounds like you have been through the mill . Anger is perfectly normal when all hell's breaking loose... I often feel like if I start to let myself really feel the sadness and hurt, that I will start to cry and never be able to stop. Crying is ok. .... especially right now with everything you are going through.... I'd worry if you weren't crying! Go ahead and let it all out.... I'm on Celexa also and my doctor thinks it may be time to up the dose a wee bit.
I would start wondering about how you are doing if you suddenly shut down... can't go to work... can't sleep, can't eat... or just want to sleep all the time to avoid it all.
Do you have some support ? If you don't feel like you want to burden friends or family , journaling is a really healthy and great thing to be doing right now.... you just write your way through all your pain and worry.... It kept me same years ago when I was going through crisis after crisis.
Also, hon... I'm glad you came to HW.... you can come and vent, and unburden your heart here any time you need. There are soooo many wonderful people here.... family really.... who will carry you , support you, encourage you whenever you need. ... however long you need.
Know that I am keeping you in my prayers Daisy's mom .... keeping your loved ones in my heart and prayers also.
Stay strong... but don't be afraid to cry and let your emotion show. It might even help someone else in your family to let it all out... if they see that you are not afraid to .
Good luck..dear one.
Mary
Posted 8/26/2008 6:21 AM (GMT 0)

Daisysmom,

You've just had a great deal of stress in your life. It's no wonder that you needed a good cry. I react the same way in a crisis, I bottle it all up for weeks until things improve and then BAM! It all comes out. You haven't had the luxury of things calming down yet, but that release of sadness was most definately needed.

It's very normal. Trust me. Medication can't really numb you entirely from stress and other emotions. It can make it a bit more bearable, but you should still be able to feel and function as human. If you are worried that the med dose is too high then do see your doctor about lowering it.

I am truly sorry that this has all hit for you now, feel free to vent about it, we will be here to support you through. We are a little family. Hang in there, and let us know how things go.

Meg

Posted 8/26/2008 5:10 PM (GMT 0)

Hello Daisysmom,

This is Kitt and I am so sorry to hear of your increased anxiety and what your going through.  Some of the meds may make a difference in your emotional reaction.

I suspect you are the caretaker and the one that always stays strong so you may be holding in those emotions right now.  Also sometimes when we let the tears come, the reality comes with it............cancer is a very scary word.  I know this well and if I try to reason that it is ok and just be strong I do not cry but when I am tired and alone, the tears come and then the anxiety too. 

Let youself accept what is happening and know that it is ok to cry. WE are all here to hold you up and (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) for you my friend.  You are never alone when you have this big family.

I will say a pray for all and keep talking to us.

Kitt

Posted 8/26/2008 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
boy when things get bad it all comes at once, i sorry you are going through so much, it would break anyone down, i think everyone on here in one way or another have been where your at, and i hope that everything turns around for you , and everyone gets better, then you need a nice vacation to get away . i'll pray for you and your family and best wishes to all.
Posted 8/27/2008 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

thanks for the shoulder to cry on.

I had very good news today. My partner and I took our dog (Daisy!) to the doggie neurologist and after many tests and a big bill for the credit card, it turns out she does not have a brain tumor. Maybe with some medications they gave us she will do a lot better. The doctor was actually very surprised, he was almost certain her symptoms meant brain tumor. She might actually have an inner ear infection, and whether she will have more seizures, who can say.

They had warned us the anesthesia might kill her, so I did have a little cry there in the office and I was not embarrassed.

I waited all day at home for her, just read and slept with my kitties (it is a vacation day). And I was so pleased with the outcome.

Thanks for your concern!

My brother is still waiting for his diagnosis, it is going to take a while. Well, I will try not to bottle it all up.

Mary Kay (Daisy's mom)
Posted 8/27/2008 4:17 AM (GMT 0)

Mary Kay,

I am so glad that you had some happy news. Your sweet little doggie Daisy does not have a tumour. That is wonderful. I would have had a HUGE cry if one of my pets had to go under anesthesia, my Kittens are my family as much as anyone else. I'm sure you feel the same way.

Hold onto this wonderful news my friend. I pray that your luck is turning.

Hugs,

Meg

Posted 8/28/2008 7:56 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so happy for you Mary Kay.... our pets are like guardian angels... their love for us is so unconditional that we are devasted if that is ever taken away.... I am so glad your sweet girl will be ok.
This is a very good thing.... and more good things are on their way....
Love and prayers
Mary
Posted 8/29/2008 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
Daisy,

I've not joined in your thread before, but want to let you know how happy I am that Daisy doesn't have a tumor! Is she doing better on the medication, or is it still too early to tell? Just knowing that she doesn't have something terminal must be a huge relief. I lost my cat (Percy) to cancer, so I know how that whole rollercoaster feels with a pet.

How are you feeling these days? I agree with others that some of us just have a knack for "holding it together" during crises and then just sort of falling apart afterward or if we get too much piled on us. Having a good cry can be very therapeutic sometimes, and I don't think it's a sign of weakness at all.

percycat
Posted 8/29/2008 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Mary Kay,

That is great news about Daisy.  Whooo hoooooooo. I will pray your brothers news turns out good also.

Kitt

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