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just needing to vent

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Posted 12/19/2008 6:44 AM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone, sorry I haven't been in to write, but I have stopped by and read some. I hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving. Mine was wonderful. As you all know, I got married on the saturday after thanksgiving. I'm blessed to have a wonderful guy in my life. I have been doing well with my anxiety and panic attacks. I had some family in for the thanksgiving and my wedding. That was a treat to see them again and be with them for a week. I handle being with my mother very well i think. I didn't let her get to me like I use too. I just put her in her place and told her this was my home, if she had a problem with me then tell me but I wasn't going to let her ruin my thanksgiving or wedding.

 

I have been working in a nursing home. I love working with the elderly. Some days it takes its toll on you. But, I just keep postative and be strong for my self. I had a really bad day to day. there has been so things going on at work. Some restidents not getting along with some of the others. I try and not let it bother me. But, it just upsets me that they make fun of a lady that has no control over what her body is doing to her. It is just so sad.

 

I was upset about that, then when I came home from work. I had no way of getting into my drive way, because our neighbors ( my husbands nephew) had our drive way blocked. I am so tried of trying to please everyone. I know that Jason's dad owns both houses. But, I'm paying the taxes on our house and lot. But nothing will be done or said to the nephew. I'm so sick of feeling like I'm not worth anything and that I have to keep fighting to get what I want. so I blow up at my husband for all of this. I just have to much stress. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like screaming and just pulling my hair out. I have been doing so well. but now i'm having the shanking inside and I'm so sick on my stomach. I just want to die cry

Posted 12/19/2008 9:24 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Vel, i realise life sucks at the moment, but you have SO much to be happy about- you are married to a great man, you had a great thanksgiving, you are living in your own home, you got to see your family-

try to ignore the negative thoughts that eat away at you. i realise that is easier said than done, and you are feeling overwhelmed- i always found jounaling to be helpful. put your feelings into words that you can re-read. write down your successes as well as your darker times.

I pray you feel better soon and that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel- you have SO much to live for!!

Maz XX

Posted 12/19/2008 2:44 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Vel,

Please go back and read the first part of your post and then remember the good parts, the wedding, the great guy, all you have going for you.

I understand what you are saying about insensitive co-workers making fun of the residents.  If you feel assertive, please do speak up and tell your peers that you are uncomfortable with their comments about this resident.  Remove yourself from the conversation if a group is making fun of people.

Residents have the right to be treated with diginity and you are giving it to them so be proud of you accomplishments.

You do not want to die.......................we all say that in times of severe stress but in reality death is not the answer and I believe in you.

Do you have a therapist?  How about a visit to your PCP to get a good physical?  Make sure you do not have any medical issues going on.

Please know we care and bless you.

Kitt

Posted 12/19/2008 9:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Vel. . . Please don't say things like you want to die :(

Like Maz and Kitt have said, remember all the good times. Sometimes in life that is all you will have to hold onto for awhile.

You should also be proud of yourself for doing good by your residents. I am a nurse and have taken care of family since I was still a child myself, so I realize how that goes. I had to find another line of work because I found the nursing homes to be exhausting all the way around. . . You might consider this option in the futue after you have put things into perspective.

Listen to Kitt:) Since you are feeling so down, I feel you should go see your Pdoc and be honest with him/her. Get the help you need and then make the changes in your life that you want to :) You will see that there is light at the end of the tunnel like Maz said:)

Try some CBT "therapy". . . You will find a link to MoodGYM under the resources and it is a free service that is very helpful (especially the free part:) Might as well use it if it is there!!!

Take care of yourself and smile :)
Posted 12/20/2008 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
Vel, this will pass. I bet it's the stress from Thanksgiving, your wedding and the upcoming holidays that are causing your unhappiness and anxiety. Everything will work out. I can relate though when you say you feel as though you are not worth anything. I am my own cheerleader all the time. I think people close to us get used to us and take us for granted. But they love and appreciate us. Try to change your negative thoughts. Good luck!
Posted 12/20/2008 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
Could you just go over to your nephew in laws house and say "hey, I'm home and I need to get my car in the driveway" and then stand there until he moves it? It would be a pain for you but I bet after you make him move it enough times he will stop parking there. I understand you wish your husband took care of this but the bottom line is, he is not. So don't wait around, just go get it done!
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