new to the a/p forum

hi everyone,

my name is danielle and i am a 35 year old married mother of 3 (one daughter age 15, two sons ages 6 and 4). i have been posting over on the fibromyalgia forum for awhile now, (i was diagnosed with fibro a few years ago) but i also struggle terribly with anxiety and panic issues and thought i'd pop over here and jump in. (hope that's ok!)

a brief history, i guess? i had my first panic attack when i was 22-ended up in the hospital thinking i was dying, etc-and really struggled with anxiety for about 6 months. i took erm. some drug or another that starts with a "v" but isn't valium..(sorry! fibro fog lol) for awhile and also did some therapy and got to feeling much, much better. i had occasional mild general anxiety issues on and off over the year, but nothing too terribly major or disruptive. however, over the past few months, my anxiety and panic have started to come back with a vengeance! i have no idea what has triggered this, but it's getting terribly annoying-especially since i keep having panic attacks in stores and resturaunts (never had this problem before) i've also been having some issues with medical anxiety-there are so many symptoms with fibro and whenenver a new one pops up i become convinced that i am on death's door. (i have had to stop looking up symptoms and reading my medical book because of this)

anyway..i guess i'm just looking for some friends who might understand how cruddy living with a/p can be! i also do not have health insurance right now and so am not on any meds, so i would also greatly appreciate any non medicinal tips for dealing with a/p that anyone might have!

thank you so much!

Hey, Danielle! Nice name. That's my 15 year old's name, too. You mentioned that over the past few months you have been dealing with the anxiety and don't know why. I would suggest starting a journal. Write down everything you remember occuring in the past months and maybe even a little before. There has to be something that has triggered it. Course, it may be your concern with other medical problems you have.

You've probably read in other posts our suggestions as to how to help yourself. I would begin with the relaxation techniques, walks, checking to see if you have negative thoughts popping in throughout the day. Anyway, I don't want to ramble on. Others will have excellent advice for you. Glad you joined us!

thank you all so much for your warm welcome!

jennifer-i had one of those books, too, and one of my new year's resolutions was to throw that puppy straight in the garbage! isn't it amazing how those things can get us going??

maz-thanks! hey, i've seen your name around the fibro forum, too, i believe. you're from australia, correct?

aries-thank you! i think it's a nice name, too:) also, i took your advice and wrote down the events of the past and boy oh boy did that open a can of worms! i went back about a year and a half, and this was my list:

memorial day '07: my beloved maternal grandfather passed away
june/july/august '07: my husband and i both quit our jobs to run a business my in-laws purchased
september '07: my paternal grandfather passed away. i wasn't particularly close to him, but did have a lot of emotional issues to work out because of him. his death hit me pretty hard because of that.
december '07: my mother in law had a hysterectomy and couldn't work at the business anymore. while she was gone my husband and i discovered that she had made a total mess of the bank account and was racking up upwards of $1,500 a month in overdraft fees.
jan/feb/march/april/may '08: business kept getting worse and worse. more overdrafts. no money. our paychecks started bouncing.
may '08: my brother in law was wrongfully accused of a crime he didn't commit and went to jail
june '08: in laws were forced to file bankruptcy. hubby and i bought company and moved it into our home
july/aug '08: spent trying to put together good defense for brother in law. LOTS of stress and worry.
sept '08: brother in law's trial. found guilty. trial included very questionable actions by judge and prosecutor, but no one could do anything about it. hubby and i also started back to school full time.
oct/nov '08: holidays-always stressful!
dec '08: brother in law sentenced to prison for 3 years. christmas, also always stressful!

so, um..yeah lol. looking back, it's really no wonder i've been having anxiety and panic issues again!! i mean, of course i knew all of this was going on, but it just felt like i was getting through day to day as best as i can. it feels quite different to put it all in order and step back and look at it that way, you know? it's just been-wow! thing after thing after thing for quite some time now.

not sure how to break the anxiety and panic cycle now. things are now sort of on a more even keel, i guess, and i suppose now i need to work through the past year and half somehow.

Well, no wonder you are suffering from symptoms! Geez. Now, accept what has happened and know that you can't change any of it. Good times are ahead. Everyone had really good ideas. Kitt said to bring notes to the doc appointment and that really works. You won't forget a thing! Positive thinking and go easy on yourself!

SleepyBug said...


maz-thanks! hey, i've seen your name around the fibro forum, too, i believe. you're from australia, correct?

Thats absolutely right! i hope we can help you here-

Maz XX

wow! thank you all so much for your warm welcomes-you guys are great!

kit: you definitely pointed out something that is hard for me-self care! i am terrible at that, i must say. with 3 kids and a husband and two dogs and a cat and school and parents and in laws and a house and on and on and on (you know how it goes) it is very hard for me to find "me" time. just about the only thing i do for myself is take warm baths every day, and i do that more to help my fibro than i do to relax. i agree that exercise is very helpful, but unfortunately i can only do so much (again, because of the fibro) i do practice yoga and try to get in at least 20 minutes of that every day and a short walk if i can, but more than that wears me out terribly. also, i had a complete check up a year or so ago and everything came out just fine, so i know my health anxiety issues are all in my head!

aries: i have been trying the positive thinking thing lately. i just recently took to telling myself "ok-this is just anxiety. you're going to be ok" and that seems to be helping.

also-and i hope this doesn't sound crazy to any of you-but i know that a lot of my anxiety issues stem from the very stressful events that i lived through as a child, and sometimes when my anxiety is really, really bad, i close my eyes and picture my adult self holding my little girl self and stroking her hair and soothing her. again, that might sound a little nuts lol, but i really find that it helps. i didn't get much soothing or attention or love during my actual childhood (quite the opposite, i'm afraid), and i feel like that lonely little girl still lives in me and she's the one who is anxious and panicky about things..

anyway!

sam: thank you so much for your encouraging words! i have a pretty clear picture now of larger all encompassing stressors like those i listed, i am just trying to get a handle on smaller day to day stress triggers, does that make sense? i'm thinking i might start writing things down daily to see what causes me anxiety daily..

maz: i thought your name looked familiar! i am hoping coming here can help me, too, and i have a feeling that it will. you are all so friendly!

meg: believe me there have definitely been days when i have wanted to quiver under the table! i guess i have to say that the one thing that keeps me going is my kids. no matter how hard it gets or how anxious and panicky i feel or how much my fibro acts up, i can always look at their beautiful sweet faces and feel that extra push i need to get through. a lot of times i just only manage to survive (thriving is hard lol), but i just keep on keeping on. stopping the self diagnosis thing is helping a lot, too. :)

nikki: one of my best friends in high school was named nikki-maybe that just confirms your good feeling? :) i sure do hope so!! thank you so much for your warm welcome:)

again-thank you all! i look forward to getting to know you all better:)